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Everything posted by movieguy

  1. John Kerry Is A `Horny Jerk' CAMBRIDGE, England (Wireless Flash) -- Regardless of how John Kerry behaves in private, he's still a "horny jerk" -- as far as his anagram is concerned. According to anagramgenius.com, the letters in "John Kerry" can also be used to spell "horny jerk." Other political figures don't make out so well in the all-important anagram battle. For instance, anagrams for George W. Bush include, "He grew bogus" and "Ugh! Sewer bog." -- The letters in "Vice President Dick Cheney" can also be arranged as, "Prick's ethic: Deny Evidence." -- John Edwards can be spelled as "John's red wad" or "Drew John's ad." -- Finally, when the letters in the sentence,"Arnold Schwarzenegger, governor of California," are switched around, it says, "Sigh. An overgrown nerd in charge of a zoo after recall." ncbuy.com
  2. Would Be Bank Robber Surprised By Cops He walked into a bank, with intentions of walking out with some cash, instead he was surprised by police as he took a leisurely seat. San Benito police responded to a call that came from Hibernia Bank on 77 and Sam Houston Street Tuesday morning. At about 9:30am, they say 41 year old Manuel De La Garza walked into the bank and approached the teller. Investigators say the man told the woman that "this was a hold up, a heist, and to give him all the money in the vault." Police say at the time, unbeknownst to the suspect, she pressed a panic button, alerting police. He then approached the second teller, allegedly telling her the same thing, then moved on to the third teller, where he asked her to empty her pockets and give him all her money as well. Witnesses say the man then sat on a chair in the lobby, as the tellers filled the bags. That's when police stormed into the building and arrested the the San Benito native. "He was sitting down at one point, requesting money from one of the supervisors at the bank and stated that he was waiting for the money. When the officers got there, he was sitting in the lobby area to the bank, and that's when the officers were able to take him into custody," said Orlando Garcia, City of San Benito, Director of Public Safety. Police say they had never had a problem with De La Garza in the past. He stated to police that the reason he held up the bank was because he needed the money. De La Garza is behind held behind bars on 25-thousand dollar bond. No one was hurt and no money was taken during the alleged robbery. team4news.com
  3. Politics Goes to Dogs in Wash. State Town By The Associated Press July 21, 2004, 8:59 AM EDT RIDGEFIELD, Wash. -- As this Columbia River town searches for a new city manager, one candidate appears to have two legs up over the others. Signs have popped up all over the city in support of Otis, an 11-year-old Boston terrier. Donna Quall was one of the first to put an "OTIS FOR CITY MANAGER" sign up in the window of her gift shop earlier this month. "A doggone improvement," the sign declares. No one's saying who made the fliers, complete with a profile shot of Otis and a disclaimer that the signs were paid for by the "he will do better than the last guy committee." Ridgefield's former city manager, Randy Bombardier, was placed on administrative leave in March, then fired after being accused of removing lead-based paint from City Hall without public safety or environmental precautions. In June, the state attorney general's office charged Bombardier with official misconduct, which carries a maximum penalty of one year in jail and a $5,000 fine. Bombardier has said he did nothing wrong and that City Council members knew more about the paint than he did. The city advertised the job shortly after firing Bombardier, and 36 people applied, but the council decided to put the search on hold until sometime next year. Copyright © 2004, The Associated Press newsday.com
  4. What a difference 102 years make! Here are the U. S. Statistics for 1902: The average life expectancy in the US was forty-seven (47). Only 14 Percent of the homes in the US had a bathtub. Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone. A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars. There were only 8,000 cars in the US and only 144 miles of paved roads. The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph. Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union. The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower. The average wage in the US was 22 cents an hour. The average U. S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year. A competent Accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a Dentist $2,500 per year, a Veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a Mechanical Engineer about $5,000 per year. More than 95 percent of all births in the U. S. took place at home. Ninety percent of all U. S. Physicians had no college education. Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard." Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee cost fifteen cents a pound. Most women only washed their hair once a month and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo. Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the country for any reason. The five leading causes of death in the US were: 1. Pneumonia and influenza 2. Tuberculosis 3. Diarrhea 4. Heart disease 5. Stroke The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet. The population of Las Vegas, Nevada was 30. Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented. There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day. One in ten U. S. adults couldn't read or write. Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school. Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores. Eighteen percent of households in the U. S. had at least one full-time servant or domestic. There were only about 230 reported murders in the entire US.
  5. movieguy

    Cats and Dogs

    What is a CAT? 1. Cats do what they want. 2. They rarely listen to you. 3. They're totally unpredictable. 4. When you want to play, they want to be alone. 5. When you want to be alone, they want to play. 6. They expect you to cater to their every whim. 7. They're moody. 8. They leave hair everywhere. CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats. What is a DOG? 1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. 2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room. 3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time. 4. They growl when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play, they want to play. 6. When you want to be alone, they want to play. 7. They leave their toys everywhere. 8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss! 9. They go right to your crotch as soon as they meet you. CONCLUSION: They're tiny men in little fur coats.
  6. A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later." "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to." "Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted. "Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it." After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset." "Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?" "Under the wagon."
  7. And here's what guys really mean... I'M GOING FISHIN." Really means..."I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety." "IT'S A GUY THING." Really means...."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical." "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" Really means...."Why isn't it already on the table?" "UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR." Really means....Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response. IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN." Really means..."I have no idea how it works. "TAKE A BREAK, HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD." Really means...."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner." "THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR." Really means...."Are you still talking?" "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS." Really means.... "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop, the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday." " WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES." Really means.... "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe." "OH, DON'T FUSS. I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL." Really means.... "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt." "I CAN'T FIND IT." Really means.... "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless." "WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?" Really means.... "What did you catch me at?" "I HEARD YOU." Really means.... "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well the next 3 days yelling at me." "YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE." Really means.... "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse." "YOU LOOK TERRIFIC." Really means.... "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving." "I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE." Really means.... "No one will ever see us alive again." "WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK." Really means.... "I make the messes, she cleans them up."
  8. The perfect man is gentle Never cruel and never mean He has a beautiful smile And keeps his face so clean. The perfect man loves children And will raise them by your side He will be a good father And a good husband to his bride. The perfect man loves cooking Cleaning and vacuuming too He'll do anything in his power To convey his love to you. The perfect man is sweet Writing poetry from your name He's a best friend to your mother and kisses away your pain. He will never make you cry or batter you in any way To hell with this stupid poem The perfect man is gay.
  9. movieguy

    Call To Wife

    It's Saturday morning. Bob's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home. "Hello" Says a little girl's voice. "Hi, honey, it's Daddy," says Bob. "Is Mommy near the phone?" "No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank." After a brief pause, Bob says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, Honey!" "Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!" "Okay, then. Here's what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy and Uncle Frank that my car's just pulled up outside the house." "Okay, Daddy!" A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy." "And what happened?" "Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming; then she tripped over the rug and fell down the front steps and she's just lying there. I think she's dead." Oh my God! And what about Uncle Frank?" "He jumped out of bed with no clothes on, and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool. But he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and is just lying there, not moving. He may be dead, too." There is a long pause, then Bob says, "Swimming pool? Is this 867-5309?"
  10. A Pressman ask Bush a Questions! Mr. President Half the country love you, and the other half hate you do you have a answers for that? Bush I heard it was the other way around!
  11. Left out the most important ones!! Everytime you turn on the water you got to go to the bathroom kiss my a**
  12. *sigh* some of these hurt 25 Signs That You Are Getting Old 1. You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead. 2.Your back goes out more than you do. 3.You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. 4.You buy a compass for the dash of your car/truck. 5.You are proud of your lawn mower 6.Your best friend is dating someone half their age, and isn't breaking any laws. 7.Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper. 8.You sing along with the elevator music. 9.You would rather go to work than stay home sick. 10.You enjoy hearing about other people's operations. 11.You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. 12. People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?". 13.You answer a question with, "Because I said so." 14.You send money to PBS. 15.The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants. 16.You take a metal detector to the beach. 17. You know what the word "equity" means. 18.You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television. 19. Your ears are hairier than your head. 20.You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn. 21.You get into a heated argument about pension plans. 22.You got cable for The Weather Channel. 23.You can go bowling without drinking. 24.You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it 25.You read this looking for one sign that doesn't apply to you!
  13. Isn't It Ironic? A fierce gust of wind blew 45-year-old Vittorio Luise's car into a river near Naples, Italy, in 1983. He managed to break a window, climb out and swim to shore - where a tree blew over and killed him. Mike Stewart, 31, of Dallas was filming a movie in 1983 on the dangers of low-level bridges when the truck he was standing on passed under a low-level bridge - killing him. Walter Hallas, a 26-year-old store clerk in Leeds, England, was so afraid of dentists that in 1979 he asked a fellow worker to try to cure his toothache by punching him in the jaw. The punch caused Hallas to fall down, hitting his head, and he died of a fractured skull. George Schwartz, owner of a factory in Providence, R.I., narrowly escaped death when a 1983 blast flattened his factory except for one wall. After treatment for minor injuries, he returned to the scene to search for files. The remaining wall then collapsed on him, killing him. Depressed since he could not find a job, 42-year-old Romolo Ribolla sat in his kitchen near Pisa, Italy, with a gun in his hand threatening to kill himself in 1981. His wife pleaded for him not to do it, and after about an hour he burst into tears and threw the gun to the floor. It went off and killed his wife. In 1983, a Mrs. Carson of Lake Kushaqua, N.Y., was laid out in her coffin, presumed dead of heart disease. As mourners watched, she suddenly sat up. Her daughter dropped dead of fright. A man hit by a car in New York in 1977 got up uninjured, but lay back down in front of the car when a bystander told him to pretend he was hurt so he could collect insurance money. The car rolled forward and crushed him to death.
  14. movieguy

    Gone fishing

    Gone fishing A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. In fact, it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there. The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?" "Yes, I was a salesman in the country," said the lad. The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up. The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o'clock came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?" "One" said the young salesman. "Only one" blurted the boss, "Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?" "One hundred thousand, three hundred and thirty four dollars" said the young man. "How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss. "Well," said the salesman, "this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty-foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser." The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?" "No," answered the salesman. "He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him,"Your weekend's f**ked, you may as well go fishing."
  15. Potty Rage: Two Charged In Burger King Bathroom Battle POSTED: 7:58 am EDT July 20, 2004 UPDATED: 8:14 am EDT July 20, 2004 STRATFORD, Conn. -- Police have charged two men in a confrontation that could be described as potty rage. The situation developed Friday night when a 52-year-old Stratford man took too much time in a bathroom at Burger King, police said. Andres A. Diaz, who was in the john, and Joseph Manuel Augusto, 37, who was waiting to use it, got into an argument when Diaz emerged, police said. Heated words escalated into a physical fight. The two men allegedly bumped chests, then chased each other around the restaurant with their weapons. Augusto had a small razor pocket knife and Diaz brandished a Burger King straw dispenser, police said. No one was injured. Both men were arrested and charged with breach of peace and issued a summons to appear in court on July 27. © 2004 by The Associated Press. All rights reserved http://www.wnbc.com/news/3550569/detail.html
  16. If anyone tried the links today sorry the server was down, even the support page for the company was down. zoio so far it back up always something!?!!!
  17. Four Inmates Flee Jail, Return With Beer By Associated Press July 20, 2004, 1:04 PM EDT ROGERSVILLE, Tennessee -- With their cell doors accidentally left unlocked, four county jail inmates escaped only to return the same night -- with beer. The Hawkins County Jail inmates, who bought four cases of beer before returning to the jail, were charged Monday with escape and introduction of intoxicants into a penal institution, the Kingsport Times-News newspaper reported Tuesday. "I guess they thought if they came back they wouldn't be charged with escape, but they were wrong," Sheriff Warren Rimer said. Ridgy Dean Coleman, Jimmy Joe Stapleton, David Wayne Blizzard and David Allen Hopkins escaped Thursday night when their cell block doors were unlocked and a faulty control panel failed to alert jailers, Rimer said. Two of the inmates walked out through a fire exit, left the door propped open with a small Bible and made a hole in the exercise yard fence. They walked to a nearby market and bought the beer. The inmates did not raise alarm at the store because they were wearing street clothes borrowed from other prisoners. The crowded jail doesn't have enough orange jumpsuits for all of its inmates. The sheriff pointed out that all 36 inmates on the cell block might have tried to escaped while the doors were unlocked. "At least they came back," he said. Copyright © 2004, The Associated Press www.newsday.com
  18. Welcome Cram make yourself at home and enjoy and post
  19. movieguy


    BUBBA DIED Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, were sent for. Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl said, "Yup, he's burned pretty bad. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burned real bad, roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba." The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two a*******." "What? He had two a*******?" said the mortician. "Yup, everyone in town knew he had two a*******. Every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two a*******.'"
  20. Something you just can't explain A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?" Farmer: Some things you just can't explain. Man: So what happened that's so horrible? Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket. Man: Ok, but that's not so bad. Farmer: Some things you just can't explain. Man: So what happened then? Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left. Man: and then? Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket. Man: Again? Farmer: Some things you just can't explain. Man: So, what did you do then? Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right. Man: and then? Farmer: Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail. Man: Hmmm... Farmer: Some things you just can't explain. Man: So, what did you do? Farmer: Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in.....
  21. Perfect wedding night A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage." His father replied, "Don't you love this girl?" "Oh yes, very much," he said, "but you see, I have very smelly feet and I'm afraid that my fiancée will be put off by them." "No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible and always wear socks, even to bed." Well, to him this seemed a workable solution. The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom." Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning, my breath is truly awful." "Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the morning." "No, you don't understand. My morning breath is so bad, I'm afraid that my fiancée will not want to sleep in the same room with me." Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed and head for the kitchen to make breakfast. While the family is busy eating, move on to the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you've brushed your teeth." "I shouldn't say good morning or anything?" the daughter asked. "Not a word," her mother affirmed. "Well, it's certainly worth a try," she thought. The loving couple were finally married. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn one morning, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, wakes his bride and without thinking, she asks, "What on earth are you doing?" "Oh, my," he replies, "you've swallowed my sock!"
  22. Don't know if a few of these are still in the books, or are true but still a few chuckle now and then Strange/Stupid Sex Laws in the U.S. *In the quiet town of Connorsville, Wisconsin, it's illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm. *It's against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for a husband to curse during sex. *In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day. *No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth. *Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you, or holding you in his arms. *Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown - if they're nude. (Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the law!) *In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds! *The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts. *An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer! *A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts. *In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can't go out without wearing a corset. (There was a civil-service job -- for men only -- called a corset inspector.) *However, in Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male." *It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car in investigate. *Another law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing. *Lovers in Liberty Corner, New Jersey, should avoid satisfying their lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while they are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple can face a jail term. *In Carlsbad, New Mexico, it's legal for couples to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or van has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in. *A Florida sex law: If you're a single, divorced or widowed woman, you can't parachute on Sunday afternoons. *Women aren't allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio - a man might see the reflection of something "he oughtn't!" *No woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within the boundaries of Tremonton, Utah. If caught, the woman can be charged with a sexual misdemeanor and "her name is to be published in the local newspaper." The man isn't charged nor is his name revealed!
  23. There was a case in one hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11 a.m., regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery... as to why the deaths occurred around 11 a.m. on Sundays. So a World-Wide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11 a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously wait outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the clock struck 11...Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner.
  24. A Fishy Story..... A priest took a sabbatical to a fishing lodge. On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in. The guide, holding a net yelled, "Look at the size of that Son of a B*tch!" "Son, I'm a priest. Your language is un-called for!" "No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is--a Son of a B*tch fish!" Really? Well then, help me land this Son of a B*tch!" Once in the boat, they marveled at the size of the monster. "Father, that's the biggest Son of a B*tch I've ever seen." "Yes, it is a big Son of a B*tch. What should I do with it?" "Why, eat it of course. You've never tasted anything as good as a Son of a B*tch!" Elated, the priest headed home to the church. While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip. "Take a look at this big Son of a B*tch I caught!" Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "Father!" "It's OK, Sister. That's what kind of fish it is--a Son of a B*tch fish!" "Oh, well then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a B*tch?" "Why, eat it of course. The guide said nothing compares to the taste of a Son of a B*tch." Sister Mary informed the priest that the Pope was scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a B*tch for his dinner. "I'll even clean the Son of a B*tch", she said. As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in. "What are you doing Sister?" "Father wants me to clean this big Son of a b*tch for the Pope's dinner." "Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your language!" "No, no, no, it's called a Son of a B*tch fish. Really." "Oh well, in that case, I'll fix up a great meal to go with it, and that Son of a B*tch can be the main course! Let me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a B*tch." On the night of the Pope's visit, everything was perfect. The Friar had prepared an excellent meal. The wine was fine, and the fish was excellent. The Pope said, "This is great fish, where did you get it?" "I caught that Son of a B*tch!" proclaimed the proud priest. The Pope's eyes opened wide, but he said nothing. "And I cleaned the Son of a B*tch!" exclaimed the Sister. The Pope sat silent in disbelief. The Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a B*tch, using a special recipe!" The Pope looked around at each of them. Slowly a big smile crept across his face as he said, "You motherf**kers are my kind of people
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