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The Talon House

ShiningKnight

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Everything posted by ShiningKnight

  1. May 3, 2005 "No, no ... Money does not bring happiness. Rich people are also unhappy." "True. But I'd rather cry in a limo than a bus."
  2. May 2, 2005 "Why did you escape from prison?" a policeman asks the fugitive. "I wanted to get married." "Heh. You have quite a strange view of freedom."
  3. April 30/May 1, 2005 Maurice and Sarah were getting old and Maurice felt his wife was losing her hearing. He decided to stage a test. One day, as Sarah was reading the paper, he stood a distance behind her chair and asked, in a conversational voice, "Sarah, can you hear me?" Silence. He moved towards her. "Can you hear me?" Still silence. Finally, he moved directly behind her chair and bent over, just inches from her ear, "Can you hear me?" Sarah replied, "For the third time, Maurice, yes I can!"
  4. Thanks for the warm wishes guys but where are my presents? Don't birthday boys always get one? What can I say? I invited a few friends (well 10 actually), most even did come. We had a barbeque in our garden and great fun, espescially when playing darts (I got an electronic dart board) - although our dog escaped almost twice. I got some money, perfume from my sister, a Simpsons-DVD (always wondered how the original voices would sond although the dubbed German version is a good one) - and 2 little comic books. By 11 p.m. the last guest left. Oh, and I also got a few returnable bottles. He wa
  5. April 29, 2005 "Honey, what do you like better - my perfect body or my beautiful face?" "Your sense of humor."
  6. April 28, 2005 "Hey, mister! This is a public phone. You've been on it for half an hour and haven't said a word." "Leave me alone - I'm speaking with my wife."
  7. April 27, 2005 Woman says to her husband who is going fishing, "If eel is too expensive, buy trout or carp."
  8. April 26, 2005 An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of the Israel museum in Jerusalem. "I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died at heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed. The curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out." A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist, "You were right about both the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?" "Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, '10,000 Shekels on
  9. April 25, 2005 A little boy asks a driver: "Could you give me a ride, please? I'm late for school." "But I'm heading in the opposite direction, son." "Even better!"
  10. April 23/24, 2005 A big executive boarded a New York-to-Chicago train. He explained to the porter, "I'm a heavy sleeper, and I want you to be sure and wake me at 3:00 a.m. to get off in Buffalo. Regardless of what I say, get me up, for I have some important business there." The next morning he awakened in Chicago. He found the porter and really poured it on with abusive language. After he had left, someone said, "How could you stand there and take that kind of talk from that man?" To which the porter responded, "That ain't nothing. You should have heard what the man said that I put off in
  11. Me being German I have to reply to this article in the following way: I'm just glad TalonRider did not write this crap himself (although he's a smoker himself). It's a brazennes to compare the "German past" (60 - in words: SIXTY years ago - do we still blame the US for segregating blacks and whites during the 1860s?) with the harmless fact of firing smokers. What's so bad about firing unproductive workers with such a heavy character weakness? Solution: GIVE UP SMOKING and spend the money for something USEFUL! What's so hard about that? Do I really have to be "proud" to never have even touch
  12. Does the Pope Use Email? What is Pope Benedict XVI's Email Address? From Heinz Tschabitscher,Your Guide to Email. http://email.about.com/cs/emailtrivia/a/pope_email.htm --- Email Pope Benedict XVI The email address of Pope Benedict XVI is benedictxvi@vatican.va. It is unlikely you will receive a personal response if you send an email to the pope, but the Holy See does read, collect and route all mail. The Pope possibly has another private email address inside the Vatican. Pope John Paul II, the First Pope of the Internet Age When Karol Józef Wojtyla became Pope John Paul II in 1978,
  13. April 22, 2005 There are three kinds of mathematicians: those who can count and those who can't.
  14. April 21, 2005 Mark Twain was once asked the difference between a mistake and a blunder. He explained it this way: "If you walk into a restaurant and walk out with someone's silk umbrella and leave your own cotton one, that is a mistake. But if you pick up someone's cotton umbrella and leave your own silk one, that's a blunder."
  15. April 20, 2005 Hubert notices yet another effect from the latest round of cut-backs in medical insurance service coverage.
  16. April 19, 2005 "Know how to avoid getting pregnant? - Drink soda." "Before or after?" "Instead of."
  17. April 18, 2005 "Mary, where's the tea? I can't find it." "Right where it should be, dummy - in the silverware drawer, inside the empty coffee can labeled 'Salt'."
  18. April 16, 2005 Three crocodiles lie on the river bank. One says: "We were green once." Another one says: "Yes, and we could swim." The third one says, indignantly: "Enough of your nonsense. Stop wasting your time. Let's fly around and gather some honey!"
  19. VATICAN CITY: Pope Benedict XVI said Saturday he hopes to continue the openness with the media fostered by his predecessor and thanked journalists for their coverage during the "historically important'' events during the papal transition. "I hope to follow this dialogue with you and I share, as Pope John Paul II observed concerning the faith, the development of social communications,'' the pontiff told more than 1,000 members of the media and pilgrims in his first appearance in the vast Vatican hall used for weekly general audiences. Benedict noted that John Paul had been "a great artisan'
  20. April 15, 2005 Goldblatt was showing off. "I bought a hearing aid yesterday. It cost me two thousand bucks, but it is state of the art." "What kind is it?" his friend asked. "A quarter of twelve," was the answer.
  21. April 14, 2005 Geez! You're right! "OBEY" isn't even in here!
  22. April 13, 2005 A mild-mannered man once wandered into a restarant and ordered roast chicken. The waiter said, "Take my advice and have the boiled beef today." "No, thank you. I want the roast chicken." "Listen to me. The roast chicken is not for you. Have the boiled beef." "What is this? Don't you suppose I know what I want? Bring me the roast chicken at once!" "I will not do that. I know better than you what you want." "Listen," said the diner, striking the table with a resounding blow, "get me the manager!" The manager, drawn by the noise, came bustling over. "What the hell is going o
  23. April 12, 2005 "I have some bad news and some worse news," said the doctor. "Well, might as well give me the bad news first, then the worse news," replied the patient. "The lab called with your test results," the doctor said. "They show that you have 24 hours to live." "24 hours! That's terrible! What could be worse than that?" "I've been trying to reach you since yesterday," replied the doctor.
  24. April 11, 2005 The mother turkey said to her son, "If your father saw you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!"
  25. April 9/10, 2005 Abe goes to see his Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi askes, "What's wrong, Abe?" Abe replies, "My wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi is very surprised by this and asks, "How can that be?" Abe then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me. What should I do?" The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her. I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know." A week later the Rabbi calls Abe and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my a
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