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Brain Cramps

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"

--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey

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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," -! -Winston Bennett, Univers ity of Kentucky basketball forward.

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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in

the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A Repbublican congressional candidate in Texas.

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"Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle (DUH)

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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"--George W. Bush

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"The word 'genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like

Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.

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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."

--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."

--Keppel Enderbery

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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they

go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the

next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

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....Feeling smarter yet?

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