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The Talon House

Interesting Thoughts


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They say one in every four men is gay, so there must be one in my group of friends.

I hope it's Michael - he's super cute

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Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms?

So gays could have lightsabre fights.

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Saying "the gay guy from X-Factor" is kind of like saying: "the Chinese man from China".

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I'm not homophobic, in the same way that I'm not arachnaphobic.

I'm not scared of gays; I'm not scared of spiders.

But if I were to walk in and find one in my bed, I'd be a little worried.


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Just after my wife had given birth, I asked the doctor, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?"

He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the car park."

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My girlfriend and I went to stay with her parents at the weekend, but her dad wouldn't let us sleep together.

Which is a shame, because I really fancy him.


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My doctor was checking my balls for any lumps the other day.

It got awkward when I ran my fingers through his hair.


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Went hiking with my mate the other day, half way to the summit I fell, slipping a disc in my spine. He looked at me and grinned saying "I guess you could call this 'Brokeback' mountain".

"Very funny, but I haven't broken my back."

"I know, but I'm still going to f**k you."

--

My mates call me gay because I can't stay on a skateboard for longer than a minute.

I'd like to see them try it with high heels on.

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According to a new study, 99% of women say they don't like men who wear leather trousers.

That actually works out rather well, since 100% of men who wear leather trousers don't like women.


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I recently came out to my best friend and told him I was gay.
He turned his back on me... That was his first mistake.


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My wife shouted upstairs, "The sun's just come out."
I thought great, threw on some shorts and flip flops and shot down the stairs.
I was rather shocked when I got down to find our lad holding hands with his mate Michael.

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Don't you hate it when you wake up from a drunken night out with 'I love c***' written on your fore-head?

Especially when you've been drinking at home.

Alone.

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