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The Talon House
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TalonRider

Old Jokes

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A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.
 
The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"
 
The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag, and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
 
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic...
 
"Try doing it with the engine running."

 

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A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.

"Is it true," she asked, "that I have to take the medication you prescribed for the rest of my life?"

'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor said.

There was a moment of silence before the lady said, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition? Because this prescription is marked NO REFILLS."

 

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An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery. He had insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.

"Yes, Dad, what is it?"

"Don't be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember: if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to move in and live with you and your wife."

 

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Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. This is so true. I love to hear them say, "You don't look that old..."

 

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The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

 

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When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra.

 

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You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

 

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Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when
they collide.

The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting concerned."

The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her... what does she look like?"

The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom, wearing a t-shirt without a bra, has long legs and is wearing short-shorts. What does your wife look like?"

To which the old guy responds, "Doesn't matter. Let's look for yours."

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