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The Talon House


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Everything posted by ShiningKnight

  1. Joke of January 14, 2005: An actor was offered 5,000 pounds a week to work on a new film. "What is it called?" he asked. "The One-Legged Transvestite of Dartmoor Prison," replied the director, "Be sure to be here on Tuesday at eight o'clock." "For that money I don't mind starting on Sunday." "No need on Sunday. But on Monday you will be having your operations."
  2. Joke of January 13, 2005: "How is business?" one salesman asked another. "Terrible. Even the people who never pay have stopped buying."
  3. Joke of January 12, 2005: Caption: "Stanley, I think the cat wants to go out."
  4. Joke of January 11, 2005: Taxpayer: "I always pay my income taxes all at once." Tax collector: "But you are allowed to pay them in quarterly installments." Taxpayer: "I know it, but my heart can't stand it four times a year."
  5. Joke of January 10, 2005: On a TV talk show a young atheist was sitting between a Catholic bishop and a famous rabbi. "I feel as if I were the page between the Old Testament and the New Testament..." The rabbi interrupted him, "That is a brilliant comparison, my son, since that page is usually a blank page."
  6. Joke of January 8/9, 2005: A tourist saw an advertisement in front of a restaurant which claimed that any dish requested could be served. The man decided to test it. He entered and ordered an elephant on toast. The waiter took the order and went away into the kitchen. A few minutes later, he returned and said calmly, "We do apologize, but unfortunately we have run out of bread."
  7. Joke of January 7, 2005: A customer complained, "God made the world in only six days. And it took you more than six weeks to finish up my suit." "Quite true, sir," replied the tailor, "But look what state it is in, and then take a look at this suit!"
  8. Joke of January 6, 2005: Caption: "What???! Not leftovers for dinner again?!!"
  9. Joke of January 5, 2005: People are getting used to answering machines. I called and got a real person last week and neither one of us spoke. We were both waiting for the beep.
  10. Joke of January 4, 2005: Isaac was lying in his bed, seriously ill, and the family was gathered around his bedside. "Wife," he whispered. "I'm here, Isaac." "Miriam," he sighed. "I'm here, Papa." "Jacob?" "I'm here, too, Papa." "Then who the hell is minding the shop?"
  11. Joke of January 3, 2005: Pete: "I somehow thought my degrees in psychology, politics and economics would help me to get a better job. I'm really disappointed." Tom: "Don't be so pessimistic. At least you understand why you can't get a job."
  12. How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. -------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. -----------------------------------------------------------------
  13. January 1/2, 2005: A baker was angry about one of his customer's complaints. "I was making bread before you were born", he shouted. "Maybe so," the customer said, "but why are you selling it now?"
  14. Since I got a calendar with a joke everyday for Christmas - one of those where you rip off a sheet per day, don't know what it's called in English - I thought I could post the jokes here every day. Saturday and Sunday is combined and shown on one single sheet so for the weekend there is only one joke available, not two. Let's go!
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