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The Talon House

ShiningKnight

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Posts posted by ShiningKnight

  1. Alcohol At Work

    Why we should have alcohol at work:

    It's an incentive to show up.

    It reduces stress.

    It leads to more honest communications.

    It reduces complaints about low pay.

    It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.

    Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.

    It helps save on heating costs in the winter.

    It encourages carpooling.

    Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.

    It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.

    It makes fellow employees look better.

    It makes the cafeteria food taste better.

    Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.

    Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.

    Suddenly, burping during a meeting isn't so embarrassing.

    Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.

    It makes everyone more open with their ideas.

    Everyone agrees they work better after they've had a couple of drinks.

    Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.

    Increases the chance of seeing your boss naked.

    It promotes foreign relations with the former Soviet Union.

    The janitor's closet will finally have a use.

    Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.

    Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as "gross."

    Babbling and mumbling incoherently will be common language.

  2. 20 Shots

    A guy kicks open the door and runs in to a bar. He slides up fast to the bar and shouts to the bartender, "GIVE ME TWENTY SHOTS RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF ME, OF THE STRONGEST GALL DANG LIKKER YOU ARE ALLOWED TO SELL"!

    The bartender rushes and fills up the glasses and set them out in front of the man and steps back. The man drinks those shots and hammers the empties back down on the bar as fast as humanly possible. BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM!

    The man steps back and wipes his mouth with his sleeve and already the booze are starting to have his way with him. The bartender shakes his head and looks at the guy and says, "Sir I have never seen a man drink so much alcohol so quickly and still be standing up, You sir are the reason I became a bartender, I say again I have never seen a man drink like that before".

    The man says(with a slur this time),"Buddy yoooo'd drink like that tooo if yooou had what I've got".

    The bartender leaned forward with sympathy at the man's plight and said,"What have you got buddy"?

    ......."uuuh.... hic..... Fifty cents".

  3. Old Ladies

    Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?" The other replies, "Oh sure I do." The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?" The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver." After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"

    Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny. The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece. The third old lady remarked, "I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about."

    Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The light was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes they came to another intersection, the light was red, and again they went right through. This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they blew right through it. She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know that you ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us. Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh S**t! Am I driving?"

    also.....

    Two old women are sitting outside a retirement home in the middle of October. One turns to the other and says, "It’s a bit windy." The other says, "No it’s not, it’s Thursday," The first says, "So am I, let’s have a cup of tea!" The second replies, "No thanks, I’ve just been!".

  4. Modern Life

    Signs of a modern life.....

    1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

    2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

    3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

    4. You e-mail your mate who works at the desk next to you.

    5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.

    6. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.

    7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "0" to get an outside line.

    8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

    10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.

    11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.

    12. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.

    and the real clinchers are.....

    13. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.

    14. As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your "friends".

    15. You first received this in an e-mail from a friend that never talks to you any more, except to send you jokes from the net.

    16. You are too busy to notice there was no No. 9.

  5. Older

    You're getting older when.....

    Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

    The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

    You feel like the night after, and you haven't been anywhere.

    Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.

    You get winded playing chess.

    Your children begin to look middle aged.

    You're still chasing women but can't remember why.

    A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge.

    You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

    You look forward to a dull evening.

    You walk with your head high trying to get used to your bifocals.

    Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 Years Ago Today..."

    You turn out the light for economic reasons rather than romantic ones.

    You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

    Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

    You regret all those mistakes resisting temptation.

    After painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before applying a second coat.

    Dialing long distance wears you out.

    You're startled the first time you are addressed as an old timer.

    You just can't stand people who are intolerant.

    The best part of your day is over when your alarm clock goes off.

    You burn the midnight oil until 9 pm.

    Your back goes out more often than you do.

    A fortune teller offers to read your face.

    Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you watch a pretty girl go by.

    The little grey haired lady you help across the street is your wife.

    You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet.

    You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.

  6. I "Don't Care Who Wins" since I don't know much about the Super Bowl at all (team backgrounds, history, rules etc.).

    I will be able to watch it over here on Pay-TV but I don't want to get up at night for this since there are much more excitings sports than football. Such a game can be ever-lasting... 10_7_6[1].gif

    Just my $0.02.

  7. jeff-letter-prime.gif

    My comment on this "prime" service:

    It's insane to charge people $79 a year for a service that should go without saying...

    Over here in Germany Amazon.de ships almost immediately (for items in stock) and I have the items mostly within 1.5 days. Besides, shipping is free in general for books or for orders worth at least 20 EUR (about $23) at no additional costs - otherwise they charge only 3 EUR p&p (about $3.50).

    blink wacko unsure blink

  8. Thanks for your help. Of course I did not mean to offend you in any way but this was just something I had to say... 23_29_104[1].gif

    Maybe you could offer more variety by changing the colors lighty i.e. no extrem colors like dark red or green, maybe lighter colors would have nice effects on the board's look and feel without that you have to stop reading after a few minutes due to a headache...

    BTW: What about the other selection menu that offers English as the only option... Does that mean you can add language packs like German, French and/or Spanish? :huh:

  9. German boxing legend Max Schmeling dies at 99

    February 4, 2005

    BY ROY KAMMERER ASSOCIATED PRESS

    BERLIN-- Max Schmeling, the heavyweight champion whose two fights with Joe Louis set off a propaganda war between the Nazi regime and the United States on the eve of World War II, died at 99.

    Schmeling, one of Germany's biggest sports idols, died Wednesday at his home in Hollenstedt, his foundation in Hamburg said. The boxer was buried Friday next to his wife, Anny Ondra, in Hollenstedt at a private ceremony attended by a small circle of friends, the foundation added.

    "He was a star, but he didn't let fame get into his head," Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder said.

    German President Horst Koehler, on a state visit to Israel, lauded Schmeling as a "great example in sport" and for "his humanity."

    Schmeling's extraordinary career will be remembered for his bouts with Louis, which produced a lasting bond between the boxers despite a politically charged atmosphere when they fought.

    Born Sept. 28, 1905 of humble origins in a small town in the state of Brandenburg, Schmeling became interested in boxing after seeing a film about the sport.

    He became the first German-- and European-- heavyweight world champion when he beat Jack Sharkey in New York on June 12, 1930 after the American was disqualified for a fourth-round low blow. He was the only German to be world heavyweight champion.

    Schmeling lost his title to Sharkey two years later on a disputed decision, but came back to knock out the previously unbeaten Louis in the 12th round on June 19, 1936, which the Nazi regime trumpeted as a sign of "Aryan supremacy."

    Schmeling was a 10-1 underdog and his victory is considered one of the biggest upsets in boxing history. But in a rematch at Yankee Stadium on June 22, 1938, Louis knocked out Schmeling in the first round.

    At first, Schmeling was popular in the United States. But by the time the rematch took place, he was viewed as a symbol of the Nazis. The fight was portrayed in both countries as good vs. evil. The Nazis sought to project Schmeling as an Aryan Superman. President Franklin D. Roosevelt invited Louis to the White House to exhort the black boxer to beat Schmeling.

    Louis, then the champion, sent the German challenger to the canvas four times and knocked him out in 2 minutes, 4 seconds of the first round.

    "Looking back, I'm almost happy I lost that fight," Schmeling said in 1975. "Just imagine if I would have come back to Germany with a victory. I had nothing to do with the Nazis, but they would have given me a medal. After the war I might have been considered a war criminal."

    After the loss, the Nazis distanced themselves from Schmeling. In 1940, he was drafted into the military as a parachutist. A year later, he was severely injured and hospitalized for months.

    Despite the picture of him in the United States as a tool of the Nazis, Schmeling had run-ins with the regime even before the first Louis fight.

    Although he had lunched with Hitler and had long discussions with his propaganda minister Joseph Goebbels, Schmeling angered the Nazi bosses in 1935 by refusing to join the Nazi party, fire his Jewish-American manager, Joe Jacobs, and divorce Ondra, a Czech-born film star.

    During the 1936 Berlin Olympics, Schmeling extracted a promise from Hitler that all U.S. athletes would be protected. He hid two Jewish boys in his Berlin apartment during Kristallnacht (the night of broken glass) in 1938, when the Nazis burned books in a central square and rampaged through the city, setting synagogues on fire. He reportedly used his influence to save Jewish friends from concentration camps.

    After the war, Schmeling was nearly destitute and fought five more times for the money. He retired after a 10-round loss to Walter Neusel in 1948 at 43 with a record of 56-10-4 with 39 knockouts.

    Schmeling used the money from the bouts to buy the license to the Coca-Cola franchise in Germany and grew wealthy in the postwar era. He also marketed his name, retaining his huge popularity in Germany despite his problems with the Nazis.

    Over the years, Schmeling treasured his friendship with Louis and quietly gave the down-and-out American gifts of money. He also paid for Louis' funeral in 1981.

    In his final years, Schmeling spent three or four hours a day watching television in his home in Hollenstedt. He remained married to Ondra for 54 years until she died in 1987. The two, who met on the set of a film in which Schmeling appeared, married in 1932. The couple had no children.

    "I had a happy marriage and a nice wife," Schmeling said in 1985. "I accomplished everything you can. What more can you want?"

    Copyright 2005 Associated Press. All rights reserved.

  10. I've just tried all of them: The best is still the default one. Who needs green or red on black skins? Those skins are just counterproductive... This is a forum with things to read, stressing for the eyes if against "common sense" (black on white).

    I've selected the last skin: Now all items have moved and it looks bad, I can't find the skin selector anymore to go back to the default skin, it's seems to be gone (view attached image).

    Maybe this could also go into "Quotable Quotes", anyway: "Never change a running system." 4_12_10[1].gif

    post-6-1107512210_thumb.jpg

  11. Since I've been arguing with another member of this board about this, I'd like to hear your opinion about what is the better (or even the best) operating system. There are so many people who say Windows (XP) sucks and Linux is such a "great" OS. That's an opinion I do not share at all. First and foremost, it is a one-sided point of view. Both systems have strenghts and weaknesess regardless the personal preference (I'm pro Windows). I've tried both systems (at the university we have both, Windows and Linux workstations, I even took a course on Linux there) and must say: Windows is just easier to use and the most important fact about it: 99% of all applications are based on Windows. Now somebody may say: But it's getting better, you can open Word documents with OpenOffice. True but most of the formatting is gone then.

    I'll go more into detail with this article once I finished my research about that. Till then, feel free to post your comments and have a look at this article:

    Linux security is a 'myth', claims Microsoft

  12. THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

    Between 16 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

    Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open to trade especially for someone with cash.

    Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

    Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

    Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war - haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

    Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and borders are un-patrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.

    Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.

    After 70, they become Afghanistan. Most everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

    On the other hand:

    THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

    Between 15 and 70 a man is like Iraq - ruled by a dick.

  13. Guitar solo

    Fall in love with music

    Fall in love with dance

    Fall in love with anything that makes you want romance

    Make it a’lil softer on the way that you go

    Just think that everything you touch could turn to gold

    Fall in love with everything that you would love to love

    You know that laughter is the kind for to wake you up

    So don’t make me feel unpleasant like you do

    You know that everything will fall right back on you

    Fall in love with everything, fall in love with life,

    Forget about your troubles and be a little nice

    You will not see me if you don’t won’t to look

    Just come and get me in my big, big bed of love

    Big, big bed of love

    Right in the night, Right in the night, Right in the night

    You find

    That if you want to fall in love

    You’ll fall in love

    Right in the night, Right in the night,

    A sweet thing is what you’ll get

    When you fall in love

    You fall in love

    Guitar solo

    So, fall in love with stories or fairytales of truth

    Innocence is part of what you’re losin’ with your youth

    Show a little confidence, show a little class

    Don’t kiss the past the past ain’t goin’ last

    Just fall in love with passion

    Fall in love with lust

    Fall in love with all the things you’re always dreamin’ of

    Fall in love with music

    And you will get by

    Right in the night, right in the night, right in the night

    You’ll find

    That if you want to fall in love

    You’ll fall in love

    Right in the night, Right in the night

    A sweet thing is what you’ll get when you fall in love

    You fall in love

    Techno Solo

    Guitar Solo

    Right in the night, right in the night, right in the night

    You’ll find that if you want to fall in love

    You’ll fall in love

    Right in the night, right in the night

    A sweet thing is what you’ll get

    When you fall in love you

    You fall in love

  14. (I've Had) The Time Of My Life

    by Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes

    Dirty Dancing

    Now I've had the time of my life

    No I never felt like this before

    Yes I swear it's the truth

    and I owe it all to you

    'Cause I've had the time of my life

    and I owe it all to you

    I've been waiting for so long

    Now I've finally found someone

    To stand by me

    We saw the writing on the wall

    As we felt this magical

    Fantasy

    Now with passion in our eyes

    There's no way we could disguise it

    Secretly

    So we take each other's hand

    'Cause we seem to understand

    The urgency just remember

    You're the one thing

    I can't get enough of

    So I'll tell you something

    This could be love because

    (CHORUS)

    I've had the time of my life

    No I never felt this way before

    Yes I swear it's the truth

    And I owe it all to you

    With my body and soul

    I want you more than you'll ever know

    So we'll just let it go

    Don't be afraid to lose control

    Yes I know whats on your mind

    When you say "Stay with me

    tonight." Just remember

    You're the one thing

    I can't get enough of

    So I'll tell you something

    This could be love because

    CHORUS

    'Cause I had the time of my life

    And I've searched through every open door

    Till I've found the truth

    and I owe it all to you

    CHORUS

  15. Thanks for the congats, guys. Time will show if I did a "good job"... unsure

    By the end of February most of the results of the five exams I took this semester should be available. It just depends on the professor's individual "speed" (normally two to eight weeks).

    Now I already have to plan ahead for the next semester, especially as far as the internship is concerned (like I have said before)... unsure

  16. I'm glad and relieved to finally be able to announce that the exam period for the current semester is over... yay! Funny feeling of not knowing anything right before an exam, same with not even being able to say how it went... wacko

    Now I'll be on vacation till 02/28/05 what will give me the time to seriously look for an internship abroad (in the US to be precise)... I might need some help though. unsure

    BTW: Registration period for this year's (FY 2006) diversity visa lottery ended on 01/08/05 and I already got the electronic submission certificate. All I can do now is hope that I'll be picked this year... unsure

  17. THE CORRS LYRICS

    "Long Night"

    It doesn't really matter now you're gone

    You never were around that much to speak of

    Didn't think that I could live without you, baby

    It couldn't be that hard to live alone

    But I'm all, all alone again

    Thinking you will never say

    that you'll be home again

    And it's gonna be a long night

    And it's gonna be cold without your arms

    And I`m gonna get stage fright caught

    in the headlights

    It's gonna be a long night

    And I know I'm gonna lose this fight

    Once upon a time we fell in love

    And I thought that I would be the only one

    But now I'm on, I'm on my own again

    Thinking you will never show

    you won't be home again

    And it's gonna be a long night

    And it's gonna be cold without your arms

    And I`m gonna get stage fright caught

    in the headlights

    It's gonna be a long night

    And I know I'm gonna lose this fight

    Lost in you arms baby

    Lost in your arms

    Now I'm on my own again

    Thinking you will never show

    you won't be home again

    And it's gonna be a long night

    And it's gonna be cold without your arms

    And I`m gonna get stage fright caught

    in the headlights

    It's gonna be a long night

    And I know I'm gonna lose this fight

    I'm gonna get stage fright caught in the headlights

    It's gonna be a long night

    And I know I'm gonna lose this fight

    I'm lost in your arms baby

    Lost in your arms

  18. Words and music by michelle branch

    One less call to answer,

    Feeling full of despair,

    Don’t think I can get through it,

    Just one last prayer.

    *and it’s a leap of faith,

    When you believe there’s someone out there,

    It’s a leap of faith when you believe that someone cares, oh,

    And when I call out to you,

    Will you be right there,

    Right there.

    Searching for the answer,

    Nobody seems to care,

    Oh how I wish that you were here,

    Beside me,

    To wipe away my tears.

    *and it’s a leap of faith,

    When you believe there’s someone out there,

    It’s a leap of faith when you believe that someone cares, oh,

    And when I call out to you,

    Will you be right there,

    Right there.

    Waiting for the answer,

    Remembering times we would share,

    Somehow I feel you here beside me,

    Even though your not there.

    *and it’s a leap of faith,

    When you believe there’s someone out there,

    It’s a leap of faith when you believe that someone cares, oh,

    And when I call out to you,

    Will you be right there-

    Bridge:

    Right there---

    And I’ll be waiting by the window for your smile to come through,

    And I’ll be waiting in the darkness when I call out to you,

    And I’ll remember when you told me,

    I could trust in you-

    *and it’s a leap of faith,

    When you believe there’s someone out there,

    It’s a leap of faith when you believe that someone cares, oh,

    And when I call out to you,

    Will you be right there-

    It’s a leap of faith,

    And I believe that you are out there,

    It’s a leap of faith and I believe you truly care, oh,

    And when I call out to you,

    I know you’ll be right there,

    Right there,

    And it’s a leap of faith.

  19. Dear Tech Support

    Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a

    distinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly in

    the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under

    Boyfriend 5.0.

    In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs,

    such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed

    undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0. and Golf Clubs 4.1.

    Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply

    crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these

    problems, but to no avail.

    What can I do?

    Signed,

    Desperate

    =========================

    Dear Desperate:

    First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while

    Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command:"http:

    I Thought You Loved Me.htm" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't

    forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as

    designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications

    Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, over use of the above

    application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5.

    Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus

    in the background, that will eventually seize control of all your

    system resources).

    Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These

    are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary,

    Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and

    cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying

    additional software to improve memory and performance.

    We recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

    Good Luck,

    Tech Support

  20. Dear Tech Support:

    Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed

    that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a

    lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed

    itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system

    activity.

    Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and

    Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system

    whenever selected.

    I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to

    run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to

    Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please

    help!

    Thanks,

    A Troubled User. (KEEP READING)

    ______________________________________

    REPLY:

    Dear Troubled User:

    This is a very common problem that men complain about.

    Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it

    is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an

    OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!

    It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend

    7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from

    the system once installed.

    You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to

    not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under

    Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background

    application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

    The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because

    ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the

    system will return to normal anyway.

    Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.

    Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

    However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will

    cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens,

    the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase

    additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

    WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With

    Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and

    will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

    Best of luck,

    Tech Support

  21. Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity

    Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!

    Arizona: But It's a Dry Heat

    Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthing

    California: By 30 Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda

    Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother

    Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedys Don't Own It Yet

    Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water

    Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids

    Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism

    Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)

    Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes... Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

    Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"

    Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

    Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn

    Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States

    Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

    Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign

    Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

    Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

    Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)

    Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians

    Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes And 10,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

    Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State

    Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

    Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, & Very Little Else

    Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest

    Nevada: Whores and Poker!

    New Hampshire: Spend Your Money, Then Go Away And Leave Us Alone

    New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!

    New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets

    New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney...

    North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable

    North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!

    Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan

    Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing

    Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner

    Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal

    Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island

    South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender

    South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota

    Tennessee: The Educashun State

    Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)

    Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

    Vermont: Ayuh

    Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

    Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!

    Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?

    West Virginia: One Big Happy Family...Really!

    Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese

    Wyoming: Where Men Are Men...And The Sheep Are Scared

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