Jump to content
The Talon House

A Joke A Day


ShiningKnight

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 230
  • Created
  • Last Reply

July 2/3, 2005

A boy from New York was being led through the swamps of the state of Georgia. "Is it true," he asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"

"That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."

Link to post
Share on other sites

July 4, 2005

Weinstein lamenting in the office, "Oh, these headaches! I can't stand it any longer, I'll lose my senses."

"Mr. Weinstein," his boss says, "if you're ill, go home, but stop walking around here and boasting like that."

Link to post
Share on other sites

July 5, 2005

Morris, a building contractor, was being paid by the week for a job that was likely to stretch over several months. He approached the owner of the property and held up the check he'd been given.

"This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on."

"I know," the owner said self-confidently, "but last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained."

The contractor replied, "Well, I don't mind an occasional mistake. But when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention."

Link to post
Share on other sites

July 6, 2005

A man I know solved the problem of too many visiting relatives. He borrowed money from the rich ones and lent it to the poor ones. Now none of them come back.

Link to post
Share on other sites

July 8, 2005

"You want to go to Sicily, Mr. Stern? Now, in July, where it's 40° in the shade!"

"Well ..., I don't have to go in the shade, do I?"

Link to post
Share on other sites

July 9/10, 2005

An Englishman bought a horse from a vicar and was told that it was a well-trained animal but only moved when the rider said "Thank God" and only stopped when it heard "Amen". So he mounted the horse, said, "Giddy-up" and nothing happened. Looking rather shame-faced he said, "Thank God", and immediately the horse gallopped off. Soon they came towards a cliff, the horse run faster and faster, he shouted, "Whoah, whoah", until he remembered, and then said, "Amen". The horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff. The rider wiped the sweat from his brow with his handkerchief and breathed with relief, "Thank God!"

Link to post
Share on other sites

July 11, 2005

Every chair in the doctor's waiting room was filled and some patients were standing. At one point the conversation died down and there was silence. During the silence an old man stood up wearily and remarked, "Well, guess I'll go home and die a natural death."

Link to post
Share on other sites

July 12, 2005

An optimist fell from the top storey of a skyscraper. As he passed the tenth storey, he was overheard muttering, "So far, so good!"

Link to post
Share on other sites

July 13, 2005

Sally goes to see the Rev. Higgens and complains about her bad headaches. She whines, cries, and talks about her poor living conditions for hours. All of a sudden, Sally shouts, overjoyed, "Reverend, your holy prescence has cured me! My headache is gone!" To which the Reverend replies, "No Sally, it is not gone. I have it now."

Link to post
Share on other sites

July 16/17, 2005

Kohn and Greenstein, who were partners, were lunching one day. Suddenly Kohn shouted: "My God, I left the safe open."

"There's no need to worry," replied Greenstein, "we're both here, aren't we?"

Link to post
Share on other sites
Thank you Pat.

Sorry for my absence but I had to prepare for and write quite a few exams during the past weeks. Since I am on vacation now (till 10/10, yay!) I'll have the time to catch up on the jokes I haven't posted yet (quite a few I know).

Nice to hear that at least one person noticed and missed my postings...

Now lets play nice, guys. nosmiley[1].gif

Link to post
Share on other sites

July 19, 2005

Pete's son arrived home from school puffing and panting, sweat rolling down his face. "Dad, you'll be so proud of me," he said, "I saved a dollar by running behind the bus all the way home."

"How silly," said Pete, "you could have run behind a taxi and saved $ 20!"

Link to post
Share on other sites

July 22, 2005

An old merchant is trying to initiate his son into the secrets of the economy, "Everything that is rare is expensive. A good horse is rare, that's why it's expensive."

"But Dad," the son contradicted, "a good horse that is cheap is rarer."

Link to post
Share on other sites

July 23/24, 2005

A passenger jet was struggling through a severe thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence, a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asked, "Reverend, you're a man of God, can't you do something about this storm?" To which he replied, "Lady, I'm in the sales end, not management."

Link to post
Share on other sites

July 26, 2005

The dentist took one look at Billy's mouth and said, "That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen. That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen."

Billy looked at him and said, "I heard you, Doc. You don't have to repeat yourself."

"I didn't. That was an echo."

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


×
×
  • Create New...