Jump to content
The Talon House

Heeeeer Johnny


movieguy
 Share

Recommended Posts

Famous Johnny Carson Jokes

"I was so naïve as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing."

"According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: You don't hear from your relatives."

"For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off."

"Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard."

"If God didn't want man to hunt, He wouldn't have given us plaid shirts."

"The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money."

"The Surgeon General announced today the ultimate safe-sex product. It's called a Rubik's condom: By the time you've figured out how to use it, you've lost the urge."

"When turkeys mate they think of swans."

"There's a new invention: snap-on acne for people who want to look younger."

"What's all this fuss about plutonium? How could something named after a Disney character be dangerous?"

"The Oscars are two hours of sparkling entertainment spread over four hours."

"I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...