Dear Abby

[TalonRider]

Dear Abby,

I am a crack dealer in New Jersey who has recently been diagnosed as a

carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in a suburb of Philadelphia and

one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a transvestite.

My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling

marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters who are

prostitutes in Jersey City.

I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in

Attica for murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently

being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of neglecting his

three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives

in the Bronx and, indeed, is still a part-time "working girl" in a brothel.

Her time there is limited, however, as we hope to open our own brothel with

her as the working manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested

in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute

themselves, it would get them off the street, and, hopefully, the heroin.

My problem is this: I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her into

the family, and of course, I want to be totally honest with her. So here's

where I need your advice.

Should I tell her about my cousin who voted for Bush?

Signed,

Worried About My Reputation

[movieguy]