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The Talon House

Pizza Delivery


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Pizza Delivery

Operator: Thank you for calling Pizza Delivery. May I have your National ID number.

Customer: Hi, I'd like to place an order.

Operator: I must have your NIDN first, sir.

Customer: My National ID Number , yeah, hold on, eh, it's 6201904989-54-64501.

Operator: Thank you Mr. Sheehan, I see you live at: 1742 Meadowland Drive, your home telephone number is: 457-2302, and your cell number is 626-6256. We have your E-mail address as: sheehan@home.net. Which number are you calling from sir?

Customer: Huh, I'm at home. Where'd you get all my personal information?

Operator: Pizza Delivery is connected to H.S.S., sir.

Customer: The H.S.S., what is that?

Operator: The Homeland Security System, sir. This will add only 15 seconds to your ordering time.

Customer: (sighs) Oh well, I'd like to order a couple of your 'All-Meat' special pizzas.

Operator: I don't think that's a good idea, sir.

Customer: Why do you say that?

Operator: With all due respect sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that you've got very high pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your Health Care provider will not allow us to deliver such an unhealthy choice.

Customer: What ! Well then, what do you recommend.

Operator: You might try our new low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it.

Customer: What make you think I'd like something like that.

Operator: Well, you checked out the book 'Soybean Recipes' last week from your city library. That's why I made that suggestion.

Customer: Ok, Ok, Give me two large pies.

Operator: That should be plenty for you, your wife, and four kids. Your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $ 49.99.

Customer: Here's my credit card number.

Operator: I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over it's limit.

Customer: I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver arrives.

Operator: That won't work either, sir, Your checking account is overdrawn also.

Customer: Never you mind, just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How long will it take?

Operator: We're running a little behind, it'll be about 45 minutes, sir. If your in a hurry you might want to pick them up while your out getting cash. But then, it might be very awkward carrying two pizzas on a motorcycle.

Customer: Now wait a minute, how do you know I ride an HD?

Operator: It says here, you're in arrears on your car payments, and was repossessed, but your Harley's paid in full, and you just filled the tank yesterday.

Customer: Well, I'll be a S&@ O# A B&@$#.

Operator: I'd advise you to watch your language, sir. You've already been convicted in July 2003, for swearing at a cop and a judge. Oh yes, I also see here that you recently got out from a 90 day stay in the State Correctional Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to society, sir?

Customer: (speechless)

Operator: Will there be anything else, sir?

Customer: Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Soda.

Operator: I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this. Thank you again, for calling Pizza Delivery.

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