Care to take a Flight?

[TalonRider]

It takes a college degree to fly a plane but

only a high school diploma to fix one: a

reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in

our jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a

form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics

about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems; document

their repairs on the form, and then pilots review

the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a

sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints

submitted by Qantas' Pilots (marked with a P)

and the Solutions Recorded (marked with an S) by

Maintenance Engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline

that has never had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs

replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a

200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to

stick.

S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief

search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right,

and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

And The Best One For Last !!

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel .

Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a

hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

[Guest Camy]

Damn funny!