Raising Boys

[TalonRider]

RAISING BOYS

a) For those with no children - this is

totally hysterical!

b) For those who already have children past

this age, this is hilarious.

c) For those who have children this age,

this is not funny.

d) For those who have children nearing this

age, this is a warning.

e) For those who have not yet had children,

this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous Mother

in Austin, Texas...

Things I've learned from my Boys

(honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water

to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies

and run over them with roller blades, they

can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than

200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling

fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate

a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a

Superman cape. It is strong enough, however,

if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all

four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the

ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as

a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few

times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can

hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane)

doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the

words "uh oh", it's already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke,

and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a

flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says

they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the

digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be

used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a

swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches

even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise

when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what

that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn

it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a

5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine

does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight

when dizzy..

24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing

the Clorox and brake fluid.

25.) Women will pass this on to almost all of

their friends, with or without kids.

[movieguy]