Women are from Venus, Men are from Uranus

[BeaStKid]

NICKNAMES

If Emma, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Emma, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a pint, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Pin-Head and Useless.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $22,50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, bar of soap and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS

Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking men kick cats.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the 'phone, read a book and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dental appointments and romances, best friends and favourite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.