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The Talon House

Surrogate Father


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Surrogate Father

The Smiths were unable to conceive children,

and decided to use a surrogate father to start

their family. On the day the proxy father was

to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said,

"I'm off. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door

baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to

make a sale. "Good morning madam. I've come to...."

"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting

you," Mrs. Smith cut in. "Really?" the photographer

asked. "Well, good!? I've made a specialty of

babies." "That's what my husband and I had hoped.

Please come in and have a seat." After a moment

she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in

the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple

on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is

fun too; you can really spread out!"

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't

work for Harry and me." "Well, madam, none of

us can guarantee a good one every time. But if

we try several different positions and I shoot

from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be

pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot of ..." gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his

time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes,

but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."

"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled

out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was

done on the top of a bus in downtown London."

"Oh my God!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging

at her handkerchief. "And these twins turned

out exceptionally well-when you consider their

mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take

her to Hyde Park to get the job done right.?

People were crowding around four and five deep,

pushing to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes

widened in amazement.

"Yes," the photographer said. "And for more

than three hours, too. The mother was constantly

squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate.

Then darkness approached and I began to rush

my shots.? Finally, when the squirrels began

nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all


Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they

actually chewed on your, um... equipment?"

"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready,

I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."


"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my

Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold very

long. Madam? Madam?..... Good Lord, she's fainted!"

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