TalonRider

THIS is TRUE: 28 June 2009 Copyright This Is True ------------------------------------------------------------------------- PICTURE THIS: The magazine Paris Match announced its annual prize for student photojournalism. The winners, Guillaume Chauvin and Remi Hubert from the Strasbourg School of Decorative Arts, were handed their prize: a check for 5,000 euros (US$7,050), for their investigative report on student poverty. The magazine published the photos, showing how students had to resort to prostitution, or digging in the trash for food, to survive. "We pushed the cliches to the limit," Chauvin and Hubert said. "We thought the whole thing was so hackneyed that it could never win." The real subject of their project, they announced at the award ceremony, was to use staged photos "to call into question the inner workings of the attitude of the kind of media which portrays human distress with complacency and voyeurism." The "crestfallen" judges still managed to applaud, reporters say -- but Paris Match stopped payment on the prize check. "There was nothing in the rules of the competition to say that rigged photos were banned," Hubert told a reporter. (London Independent) ...No worries: the project should easily qualify to win the 10,000-euro Striking the Match Prize. THIS DOESN'T REFLECT WELL ON THE TOWN: The Town Council in Indian Trail Town, N.C., is fed up with the town's mayor. Mayor John Quinn has been critical of the Council, and when he turned in his comments for the latest town newsletter, the Council declared them "whiny" and "horrible". Quinn's editorial "doesn't mention anything positive since the last newsletter went out," complained Councilman Dan Schallenkamp. In response, the Council has passed a resolution, voting 4-1 to ban the mayor from writing in the newsletter or posting on the town's official web site, saying only comments that "reflect well on the town" will be allowed. Further, Quinn is not allowed to communicate with any town employee unless he goes through the town manager, and the mayor cannot enter any non-public portion of town hall without the town manager's permission. (Charlotte Observer) ...Warning to Quinn: we've seen this behavior before, and the next step is them screaming "Off with his head!" CRYSTAL BALLS CAN SOMETIMES PROVE FRAGILE: Chandrasiri Bandara, an astrologer in Sri Lanka, has been arrested by the state police. "He is being questioned over a political statement he made" in a reading, said Criminal Investigation Department spokesman Ranjith Gunasekara. Bandara, a popular astrology columnist in Sri Lankan newspapers, predicted political changes that President Mahinda Rajapaksa definitely wouldn't like. Family members say that police have been questioning him for three days -- so far. (Reuters) ...Boy: anybody should have been able to see THAT reaction coming. CLEVER TACTIC: Police in Oak Ridge, Tenn., are investigating a coordinated robbery of a market. The first robber went in and got the clerk's attention by putting $2 on the counter. Then his partner dashed in with a gun and demanded money. The clerk complied -- by handing over the $2 the first robber put on the counter. Apparently satisfied, the men then ran. Investigators have no suspects yet. (Oak Ridger) ...But it's the police's job to know everyone in town who's that stupid. TEA AND STRUMPETS: "Canterbury is Sufficiently Gay, Council Inspectors Rule" -- London Telegraph headline

A listener sent this one in. It seems someone he knew was looking for a Urologist. The guy found one by the name of Dr. Finder. Full name, Dr. Dick Finder.

Chapter 43 - Nemesis - has been posted.

THIS is TRUE: 21 June 2009 Copyright This Is True ------------------------------------------------------------------------- INFORMATION, PLEASE: The City of Bozeman, Mont., wants to know about people who apply for jobs with the city. Included on the application is this: "Please list any and all, current personal or business websites, web pages or memberships on any Internet-based chat rooms, social clubs or forums, to include, but not limited to: Facebook, Google, Yahoo, YouTube.com, MySpace, etc." That's not all: it also requires the applicant's user names and password information for all those sites. "We have positions ranging from fire and police, which require people of high integrity for those positions, all the way down to the lifeguards and the folks that work in city hall here," said city attorney Greg Sullivan, defending the intrusive questions. "So we do those types of investigations to make sure the people that we hire have the highest moral character and are a good fit for the City." (KBZK-TV Bozeman) ..."The right of individual privacy is essential to the well-being of a free society and shall not be infringed without the showing of a compelling state interest." --Article 2, Section 10 of the Montana State Constitution. THOUGHT POLICE: Max Yarmolinsky, 25, a physics teacher at South Shore Public Charter School in Norwell, Mass., doodled on a sheet of paper to pass the time while he was showing his students a video. One of the students stole the paper and gave it to his parents, who in turn gave it to school administrators, who in turn called police. The content of the paper was not disclosed, but it was described by the school and police as "a violent doodle." School officials and police both declared there was nothing threatening about the doodle, and no danger to students or staff. Still, Yarmolinsky was summoned to principal James Connolly's office, fired, escorted off school grounds by police, and warned he would be arrested for trespassing if he returns. He also faces misdemeanor charges of disturbing a school assembly and disorderly conduct. (Norwell Mariner) ...They were suspicious of him from the start: science teachers are taught to think logically. FAIR SHARE: JoAnn Watson, a Councilwoman in Detroit, Mich., only paid $68 in property taxes on her west side home this year, and the bill has been in that range since the year 2000. Neighbors in comparable homes pay $2,000 to $6,500 per year. When a newspaper discovered the shockingly low assessment, it called her for comment. "All I know is I had a big drop when my house got hit hard by a tornado," she said. A tornado? When was that? In 2002, she said -- or maybe it was 1993. Watson admits she noticed when the tax bill dropped dramatically, and said she "was kind of insulted" by the city's valuation of her house at $1,658, but "came to the natural conclusion my house isn't worth much any more." Still, in 2002, she managed to get a $60,000 mortgage on the property, and still didn't question the assessment. The city blames a "clerical error," and according to state law can only recover three years' worth of underpayments. (Detroit Free Press) ...Hopefully that will still be enough to fund a recall election. PARTY TIME: Police in Syracuse, N.Y., watched as a drug deal went down: the buyer got a $50 bag of crack cocaine, and paid for it with $10 in cash and half of a slaughtered pig. When confronted, Angelo Colon, 45, admitted that he had paid for drugs before with pig meat, and that the current buy was to help celebrate since a relative had just been released from jail. He was charged with misdemeanor possession of a controlled substance. (Syracuse Post-Standard) ...The pig. DA GETTING ON THIS ASAP: "Woman Allegedly on Way to AA Charged with DUI" -- Worcester (Mass.) Telegram & Gazette headline

Korean woman by the name of Bang Misun

Chapter 42 - Passions in the Dark - has been posted.

THIS is TRUE: 14 June 2009 Copyright This Is True ------------------------------------------------------------------------- NEXT, MY PINOCCHIO IMPRESSION! Timothy Wayne Martin, 44, was arrested in Federal Way, Wash., after residents of an apartment complex spotted him standing above an air conditioner intake. Martin, who was only wearing a shirt, had a string tied to his genitals and "was apparently manipulating it with the string like a puppet," police say. Martin has been charged with indecent exposure -- a felony, since this is his third arrest on similar charges. (Seattle Post-Intelligencer) ...Now there's a guy with his world on a string. ART CRITIC: Chicago, Ill., Alderman Jim Balcer ordered the city's "Graffiti Blasters" team to paint over an outdoor mural on a wall. The mural was a "threat to the community," Balcer decreed, because it "could have" created a "gang problem" -- but couldn't say why because "I don't know what all the gang affiliations are." The mural, which was located on private property, was commissioned artwork -- a commentary on the surveillance cameras used by Chicago police to watch public areas. Yet covering it was justified because "everything in it was death," Balcer reasoned -- in addition to the cameras, the mural depicted Chicago P.D. insignias and a skull. (Chicago Sun-Times) ...The next mural will be about a much more serious threat to the community: a portrait of Ald. Balcer. GOT A MATCH? Moussa Tiegboro Camara, who has been appointed by the National Council for Democracy and Development to head the serious crime unit in the Republic of Guinea in West Africa, has a new solution to the plague of robbery in the country. "The prisons are full and cannot take more people," he announced, "and the situation cannot continue like that." Therefore, "I'm asking [all citizens] to burn all armed bandits who are caught red-handed committing an armed robbery." (Reuters) ...Next we'll hear from the new government minister appointed to address the country's petrol shortage. TANTRUM: Andrew Mizsak Sr. of Bedford, Ohio, was fed up and called police on his son, Andrew Jr. His son wouldn't clean up his room, he said, and when told to, Andrew Jr. threw a plate of food across the room. The police report noted that the father told the responding officer "Andrew [Jr.] is 270 pounds and he can't fight him, that they do everything for Andrew and he doesn't even pay rent." However, the report continued, "Andrew ...was crying uncontrollably and stated he would comply." -- and case closed. Andrew Sr. is 63 years old. His son is 28 -- and is a member of the Bedford School Board and a freelance political consultant. Andrew Sr. refused to press charges because "I don't want to ruin his political career." Andrew Jr. commented: "I know this looks bad." (Cleveland Plain Dealer) ...Well, at least he's not completely delusional. NOT VERY WELL: "Woman Was Teaching Boy, 11, to Drive When She Was Run Over" -- Salt Lake (Utah) Tribune headline

Chapter 41 - Pushing the Limits - is posted.

THIS is TRUE: 7 June 2009 Copyright This Is True ------------------------------------------------------------------------- UNHAPPY GILMORE: After police in Gainesville, Fla., arrested Steven Gilmore Jr., 21, they wondered what his violent robbery was about. Gilmore allegedly tried to rob a convenience store, and when the store clerk resisted, Gilmore shot him in the head. But the clerk wasn't seriously injured: Gilmore's gun was a BB pistol. Gilmore explained he was a rapper, and he needed to pull off a robbery to give himself "street credibility." He was charged with attempted armed robbery and aggravated assault. (Gainesville Sun) ...That does sound like typical rapper credibility. VALEDICTERRORIST: Students at Southern Lehigh High School in Allentown, Penn., say the school's reaction to a harmless prank has gotten out of hand. Students said their plan was to be "as harmless as possible": they and camped overnight in the school's courtyard. But administrators reacted by suspending 17 students for five days; three of the students lost their memberships in the National Honor Society. When two other students alerted the local media, the school suspended them for five days, too. When more than 70 students marched in protest, the students who alerted the media got their suspensions lifted, but the penalties against the original 17 students remained. It's a sign of the times after the Columbine High School shooting, says Mel Riddile, a director with the National Association of Secondary Schools. "Breaking into schools and letting animals loose was a prank in the 70s and 80s," Riddile said. "Today, that could be considered a terrorist act." (Allentown Morning Call) ...That's not a justification, that's a statement of the problem. EXCESSIVE ESCALATION: When a police officer in Fox Lake, Wisc., saw Bob Shurpit, 50, mowing the lawn in front of his house, the officer stopped to talk to Shurpit about a warrant for his arrest. But Shurpit wasn't in a mood to talk: he "lunged the mower toward the officer to keep the officer away from him," said police chief Randy Martin. Then Shurpit's girlfriend joined the scuffle and handed him a rifle, so the officer backed off and called for help as Shurpit ran into his house to barricade himself. After a 7-hour standoff, Shurpit finally surrendered to face the warrant: a civil charge of failing to pay child support. (Beaver Dam Daily Citizen) ...A classic case of the "If I'm going to be in trouble, it may as well be for something big." response. PONG: After a rousing game of beer pong in Bridgeport, Penn., Joseph Jiminez, 24, and Scott Riley, 25, got into a dispute. They took it outside to an alley, witnesses say, and an irritated Riley started shouting at Jiminez and his companion. "Shoot me, shoot me," Riley dared. When he got to "You guys ain't got the --", Jiminez pulled a gun and shot Riley before he could finish his sentence. Jiminez has been charged with murder. (Philadelphia Inquirer) ...Remember, kids: "He started it!" doesn't work with your parents, and it doesn't work with the judge or jury. WIN OR LOSE, HE HAS A FOOL FOR A CLIENT: "Former Fresno Lawyer Makes Case for His Insanity" -- Fresno (Calif.) Bee headline

Chapter 40 - Trapped - is posted.

THIS is TRUE: 31 May 2009 Copyright This Is True ------------------------------------------------------------------------- SELF INCRIMINATION THE EASY WAY: William J. Reese, 58, is a civilian who works in the jail at the Benton County, Iowa, Sheriff's Office. While on duty, he was driving a marked sheriff's unit when he apparently decided to have some fun: he allegedly tried to pull a car over, even though he was not a police officer and had no authority to do so. The car he happened to target was driven by an off-duty Benton County sheriff's deputy, who recognized Reese and knew he was not a lawman. The deputy didn't pull over, and Reese allegedly pursued him with lights and siren -- as the real cop was on his cell phone calling for backup. When the deputy finally pulled over, Reese jumped out and berated him, but the deputy responded by arresting Reese for impersonating a police officer. The best part is, there's plenty of evidence available for Reese's criminal trial: the car he was driving was equipped with a video camera, and the entire incident was recorded on tape. (Cedar Rapids Gazette) ...Meanwhile, remember that he knows about all the security weaknesses at the jail. HALT IN THE NAME OF THE LAW: Red light enforcement cameras in Ottawa, Ont., Canada, are catching unexpected prey: cops, firefighters and paramedics. The resulting C$180 tickets stand since province law requires emergency vehicles to stop at red lights before passing through, and slowing down to a crawl isn't good enough. The city won't back down, and has required the agencies involved to pay C$11,000 (US$10,000) so far. (Ottawa Citizen) ...Well sure: those cameras are all about revenue no matter where they are. WHAT SCHOOL BULLIES GROW UP TO BE: Residents called police in Port St. Lucie, Fla., to complain about a troublesome neighbor walking around the street in his underwear. When an officer arrived, he noticed a car with a flat tire and a smashed windshield. An ax handle that appeared to have been used to smash the windshield was left behind; written on it were the words "Walking Small -- Your Face Here." When the officer found the underwear man, Nicholas T. Doud, 42, "He stated that he likes to walk around in his underwear and that he does this often," the officer wrote in his resulting report. Doud denied knowing anything about the damaged car, but admitted his fingerprints would "probably" be found on the ax handle. After being placed under arrest, Doud told the officer his neighbors were "being a bunch of crybabies." (Port St. Lucie News) ...Then maybe it's time to give Doud something to cry about. SPELLING BEAT: A cell phone company called the FBI in Monroe, La., after they got a suspicious order -- to be delivered to the FBI office in Monroe. The company had received a cashier's check for 50 phones, but knew the check was a forgery because it said in big letters, "Cahier's Check". The FBI had the company send the phones, and then followed the delivery truck. Sure enough, a man flagged down the driver before he made the delivery to ask for the boxes, and FBI agents stepped in. Clifton C. Wright, 44, was arrested on forgery charges. Wright was also a fugitive on a warrant out of Georgia, where he was wanted for a similar crime. (Monroe News Star) ..."Damn," Wright said. "I'm in a hitload of trouble." RESULTING INJURIES REQUIRED PAIN MEDICATION: "Priest Fired for Beating Drug Addicts" -- Reuters headline

Chapter 39 - Zeus Triumphant - is posted.

THIS is TRUE: 24 May 2009 Copyright This Is True ------------------------------------------------------------------------- WHAT A DUMMY: Kenny Tessel, the owner of KT's Barbecue restaurant in Reading, Ohio, may continue to keep his mannequin, "BarBe", outside his restaurant, after a ruling by the town's Design Review Board. The Board was asked to rule on the unusual advertising gimmick after complaints about the dummy's skimpy clothing, leaving little to imagine about the life-sized doll's ...uh... physical attributes. "Yeah, she's got big boobs," Tessel admitted during the hearing. "That's why I bought her." The Review Board ruled the mannequin can stay, but the skimpy bikini top and Daisy Duke shorts have to go. Tessel described Barbe's outfit as "tasteful", and vows to appeal the ruling, saying BarBe "should be allowed to wear what she wants." (Cincinnati Enquirer) ...Though she has yet to express any preference. SHE'S NO DUMMY: "Normally, no one can see the store, and this gets attention," says Sonja Echt, owner of a gift shop at a mall in Portsmouth, N.H. Echt was addressing the city council, asking for permission to put a mannequin on the sidewalk outside her store to attract the attention of passers-by. "Have we allowed a chair with a mannequin on city property before?" asked town Councilor Eric Spear. "Because it kind of freaks me out actually." He's not the only one. "It kind of freaks me out, too," agreed Councilor Esther Kennedy. "Let's do it for three months," suggested City Manager John Bohenko. "If it appears to be a problem with people, who have a phobia or something, we can probably ask her not to put it out there." The council agreed to the trial period. (Portsmouth Herald) ...People with "mannequin phobia" go to malls? NOT IN MY BACK YARD: "People are already calling it Deadwood Rd.," complained one resident on Redwood Rd. in Doonan, Qld., Australia. "What impact is that going to have on house prices?" Neighbors are objecting to a free charity-run hospice in the semi-rural town, which would only house two terminally ill patients. "I don't want to be sitting there saying, 'There goes another coffin, and another, and another'," said another neighbor. (Queensland Sunday Mail) ...Well, maybe he'll be lucky enough to be the first resident of the hospice. PUMPING IRONY: The Belgian bodybuilding championship in Brussels was canceled when officials from an anti-doping agency came in to test the competitors for illegal substances -- and all 20 of them ran. Last year, three-quarters of the contestants tested positive, said official Hans Cooman, "and this incident didn't do its reputation any good." He added he hoped "never to see anything like it again." (AP) ...Which is how most people feel about the entire sport. JUST LIKE EVERY YEAR: "Hooker Named Indoor Athlete of the Year" -- Australian AP headline

Chapter 38 - Fallen - has been posted.

An employee from the Kissimmee Utility Authority working at an electrical substation in Buenaventura Lakes, Fla., received a severe shock and was hospitalized in stable condition. His name: Robert Crisp. Meanwhile, a Roman Catholic priest has been removed from his duties after he admitted he has had a two-year affair with a woman. The 40-year-old priest, known as "Father Oprah" because of his role as head of the Miami, Fla., Archdiocese's international radio network, where he gave advice on relationships, admits celibacy is something he "struggled with for a long time." His name: Fr. Alberto Cutie. (Orlando Sentinel, AP) ...What a shock.

THIS is TRUE: 17 May 2009 Copyright This Is True ------------------------------------------------------------------------- SOMEONE OUGHT TO PAY: Fran MacLaren saw a homeless man outside a McDonald's restaurant in Nashville, Tenn. She bought the man a cheeseburger, but when MacLaren handed it over the man said he didn't want a burger, he wanted money, and threw the sandwich at her. "I told him he was an ungrateful bastard," she admits, and the man responded by beating her, breaking several bones. David Craig was arrested for assault, but that's not enough for MacLaren. She is suing, but since a vagrant isn't likely to have much money, she's suing McDonald's -- and a nearby liquor store that had asked Craig to leave -- on the grounds they "knew, or should have known, that their mode of operating their particular stores attracted persons prone to criminal acts and provided an environment to crime." The suit demands $2 million. (Nashville Tennessean) ...Yet an adult shouldn't "know" that it's inviting trouble to curse bums in the street? FREAKS OF NOMENCLATURE -- MAY EDITION: An employee from the Kissimmee Utility Authority working at an electrical substation in Buenaventura Lakes, Fla., received a severe shock and was hospitalized in stable condition. His name: Robert Crisp. Meanwhile, a Roman Catholic priest has been removed from his duties after he admitted he has had a two-year affair with a woman. The 40-year-old priest, known as "Father Oprah" because of his role as head of the Miami, Fla., Archdiocese's international radio network, where he gave advice on relationships, admits celibacy is something he "struggled with for a long time." His name: Fr. Alberto Cutie. (Orlando Sentinel, AP) ...What a shock. A NAME SO BAD, IT'S CRIMINAL: Alderman Bob Fioretti is steaming mad at a new hot dog stand coming to his district in Chicago, Ill. It's not so much the stand as its name, "Felony Franks" -- which will hire only ex-cons. "It's a great concept for ex-offenders," Fioretti says, "but it's a poor theme for a restaurant." He adds that the stand's slogans ("Food so good, it's criminal" and "Home of the misdemeanor wiener") will "glamorize criminal behavior." But the stand's owner, Jim Andrews, says he has already received more than 50 applications from ex-cons, and is "not afraid to use the name felony to turn a negative into a positive." He vows to stick with the name. (Chicago Sun-Times) ...The alderman is just upset since he knows it's likely that someday, that will be the only place where he'll be able to find a job. OOPS: Employees in an office building in Rosebank, South Africa, were watching as crews demolished the building adjacent to theirs. "I was interested because I wondered how they would drop that section," said Kenneth Jones, who watched the operation day after day. "They had pushed out the walls and only the supporting pillars were left. When they were chipping away at the pillar they were directly underneath the slab and it was already sagging." Sure enough, he watched as the excavator broke away the last support pillar -- from underneath the slab. "Did those guys not realize it was going to happen?" Jones asked. "I cannot believe they did not foresee this." But sure enough, when the final support for the slab was removed, the slab fell, crushing the excavator and killing the operator inside. Officials promised "a very technical investigation to determine if all safety concerns were addressed." (Johannesburg Times) ...OK, all together now: "Nope!" IN THIS ECONOMY, IT MAY BE THE ONLY Thing PhDs CAN GET: "Burger Chain Wants McPhDs to Complement McJobs" -- AFP headline

Chapter 37- Best Laid Plans - is posted.

Here's another example of why if your first name is Richard, you should never go by Dick. Today's name is Dick Mussel.

THIS is TRUE: 10 May 2009 Copyright This Is True ------------------------------------------------------------------------- FREEDOM OF INFORMATION: An unidentified 11th-grade student in Pelham Manor, N.Y., was called into the office for a chat with the assistant principal -- and the police. The boy was reportedly researching how to conceal a gun. After interviewing the student, the police and the principal determined that there was absolutely no threat, and in fact the report was wrong: the teen was actually researching the state's laws on guns. A school spokeswoman said the boy was not disciplined, and remains in school. So who turned him in? The Pelham Public Library. "It is not our procedure to notify somebody" about patrons' book choices, said library Director Patricia Perito, but she "had to" look into the matter by informing the school. (White Plains Journal News) ...In other news, Perito has set up a security camera on the library's copy of the Constitution, so she can catch anyone who wants to research their rights as a citizen. THEY CAN HAVE MY TEASPOON WHEN THEY PRY IT FROM MY COLD, DEAD HAND: "It's most likely a mix-up with the bar codes," offered the manager of an Asda chain store in Halifax, West Yorkshire, England. A shopper had purchased a set of teaspoons and, when rung up, the register ordered the clerk to check the buyer's identification to ensure she was at least 18 years old. Why, asked the shopper. The clerk informed the woman that someone had once been murdered with a teaspoon, and therefore identification was now required. "I'm not aware of an age restriction for spoons," the manager said. (London Telegraph) ...When teaspoons are outlawed, only outlaws will have teaspoons. THE SMELL OF VICTORY: A Salt Lake County, Utah, sheriff's deputy had just gotten home after his shift, and was sitting in front of his Centerville house talking to another deputy on the phone when he spotted someone trying to get into his wife's car. There had been a rash of vehicle burglaries in the area, and Dep. Chad Taylor figured he had the suspect right there. "I was in my personal vehicle, but I was in uniform," Taylor said. His wife's car was locked, and the man moved on to his car. "Right as his hand goes to check my handle, I kick the door open," Taylor said, and identified himself as a police officer. The prowler was so startled that he ran out of his shoes, with Taylor in hot pursuit and backup on the way. Once officers caught up with the suspect, a 16-year-old boy, "He told us, 'Yeah, I crapped my pants'" when Taylor surprised him. But the suspect didn't need to admit it: "You could smell him," Taylor said. The boy and a 16-year-old accomplice were charged with vehicle burglary and theft. (Deseret News) ...If a 16-year-old kid can't outrun a cop, he just might be weighed down by his pants. SNIFFING OUT SUSPECTS II: When Hatim Gulamhusein, 48, of Scarborough, Ont., Canada, arrived home from a trip to Argentina, he "presented as a swallower," said Cpl. Cathy McCrory of the RCMP. He was arrested on charges of being a drug courier, having allegedly swallowed a kilogram of cocaine "pellets" to smuggle the drug into the country. X-rays and CAT scans showed 76 pellets, including several that had lodged in his bowel and wouldn't come out. "He is lucky to be alive," McCrory said. If one of the pellets broke, it would kill him, but Gulamhusein refused surgery. "We didn't need any more evidence -- he was pooping dope, so we were good to go," but he needed to get the last three packets out of his body to get him out of medical danger. It took three weeks before the last pellet finally emerged. (National Post) ...Maybe if the jail fed him some vegetables instead of poutine, it wouldn't have taken three weeks. NATURALLY, IT GOT AWAY: "Man Set House on Fire While Trying to Kill a Spider with a Lighter" -- London (U.K.) Telegraph headline

Chapter 36 - Convergence - has been posted.

A listener to the radio show sent in Dr. Fart. However, this is not the name todays name. The listener did some research on the name and found an officer in the Civil War by the rank and name of Major General Fart.

This is more of a phone book type name. This person is running for one of the local schoolboards. Usavage, Donna.

Dewey Glasscock

THIS is TRUE: 3 May 2009 Copyright This Is True ------------------------------------------------------------------------- UM, HOW DO YOU SPELL "RAH RAH RAH"? "It's overzealous that [students] have to carry very high scores through every class," complained a parent of a student athlete at Eastern York (Penn.) High School. Parents are lobbying the school to relax its requirement that student athletes must maintain a minimum grade in each class to be eligible to participate in athletics. York's standard requires a 70 percent or "C" grade to participate in athletics. Parents want that dropped to the minimum state requirement, which is 60 percent, or a "D" grade. (York Daily Record) ...So it's official: the parents get an "F". USUALLY AN INSTANT CURE: While drunk on vodka, Alexei Roskov, 22, jumped out the window of his Moscow, Russia, apartment. Despite falling from his fifth-storey flat, Roskov was not at all injured, and managed to stagger back upstairs to his apartment. And then he did it again. An ambulance crew who was summoned for the first call asked him why he jumped. "I have no idea why I jumped the first time," Roskov said, but he knows why he jumped the second time: to escape his wife's nagging over the first jump. "When I came back up and I heard my wife screaming angrily at me I thought it was best if I left the room again," he said. He says he has now given up alcohol. (PA) ...Of course, he was drinking to help him deal with his wife's nagging, so.... FEELING BETTER NOW? Derick A. Culberson, 22, told sheriff's deputies in Palm City, Fla., he had been robbed at gunpoint. They found him tied up hand and foot. But there were inconsistencies in his story, and they noticed that he had the same kind of "zip ties" in his car that he had been bound with. After further questioning, "Culberson admitted to tying his own hands and feet, and further inventing the suspects' vehicle and weapon descriptions that he gave to sheriff's office dispatch and deputies," the resulting report notes. He admitted he made up the robbery "in an attempt to make his girlfriend feel bad for leaving him." He was arrested on a misdemeanor charge of making a false report. (St. Lucie News Tribune) ...At least his former girlfriend feels bad now: she regrets not leaving him sooner. CHARACTER ASSASSINATION: A man in Houston, Texas, has been arrested on felony charges of practicing law without a license. The Harris County District Attorney's office says there's no record that the 43-year-old man has been admitted to the Texas Bar, but has allegedly been working as an attorney. He faces 2-10 years in prison. His name: Perry Mason. The character "Perry Mason" was the protagonist of a series of novels that were published from 1933 to 1973, which were adapted to movies (spanning 1934-1993), a radio series (1943-1955), and a popular TV series (1957-1966), which typically presented Mason as a scrupulously honest and ethical lawyer. (Houston Chronicle) ...Yeah, well, it was fiction. AND NOW THEY'RE STUCK WITH EACH OTHER FOR LIFE: "Couple Charged after Fight in Which They Cover Each Other in Glue" -- Myrtle Beach (S.C.) Sun News headline

Brothers Willie and Dick Spanker.