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The Talon House


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About ShiningKnight

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  • Location
    Lueneburg (Lower Saxony), Germany
  • Interests
    Computers, Swimming, Diving, ... (too much to list)

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  1. August 29, 2005 "I came to make an appointment with the dentist," said the man to the receptionist. "I'm sorry sir," she replied. "He's out right now, but ..." "Thank you," interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient. "When will he be out again?"
  2. August 27/28, 2005 An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician were on holiday in Scotland. Glancing from a train window, they observed a black sheep in the middle of a field. "How interesting," observed the astronomer, "all Scottish sheep are black!" To which the physicist responded, "No, no! Some Scottish sheep are black!" The mathematician said decisively, "In Scotland there exists at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which is black."
  3. August 26, 2005 A computer salesman comes to the president of a big corporation and shows him a new computer which works more efficiently than their old one. The president is impressed and says: "Your computer is fantastic and a great bargain. But we cannot get rid of the old one. It knows too much."
  4. August 25, 2005 The father was slightly annoyed when he said to his inquisitive son, "You never stop asking questions. All day long you ask questions. Where would I be if I asked questions like you?" The son answered, "You might be able to answer some of mine!" Salomon Kadisch used to say, "Death is no misfortune. Of course, it's better not to have been born in the first place. But hardly one person in a thousand has that kind of luck."
  5. August 24, 2005 Congratulations! You're the first one to complain about an unopened parachute.
  7. August 22, 2005 A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home."
  8. August 20/21, 2005 Becky, Sadie and Laura are bragging about their sons. Becky says, "My son is very successful. He is the best lawyer in London." Sadie says, "My son has done better than that. He is the best doctor in London." Laura says, "My son has not done that well. He does not have a very good job and he is gay. But he has these two great boyfriends - one is the best lawyer in London and the other is the best doctor in London."
  9. August 19, 2005 Salomon Kadisch used to say, "Death is no misfortune. Of course, it's better not to have been born in the first place. But hardly one person in a thousand has that kind of luck."
  10. August 18, 2005 Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, but it only takes four muscles to extend your arm and slap the idiot upside the head.
  11. August 17, 2005 That's very thoughtful of you, Norbert, but I said I like horoscopes, not horror scoops!
  12. August 16, 2005 A Californian walked into the New York Public Library and asked the librarian where the self-help books were. She replied, "If I told you, it would defeat the whole purpose."
  13. August 15, 2005 Sign in front of a restaurant: If you are over 80 and accompanied by your parents, we will cash your cheque.
  14. August 13/14, 2005 The Hebrew people were sitting around Mt. Sinai. For hours now, Moses had been on top of the mountain, hidden from their gaze by clouds wafting around its top. Sometimes the clouds became dark and you could hear thunder rolling down. The end of day was approaching and dusk was beginning to set in when suddenly a figure came through the clouds and walked down the steep mountainside carrying a heavy load. It was Moses. Moses set down his load and raised his hands. "Friends," he said, "friends, it was hard work and I have done my best. I have negotiated with Him. I used every possible argument I could think of - and I think I was successful. The good news: I brought Him down from fifteen to ten. The bad news: adultery is still in."
  15. August 12, 2005 The remarkable thing about my mother is that for twenty years she has served us nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
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