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The Talon House

The Gay Gaze of Love


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Of all the questions I get as the Gay Relationship Adviser here at Date.com, a fair number of them fall along the following lines:

“How can I tell if a man is interested in me?“

“How can I let a guy know I am interested in him?”

My answer always includes a reference to the eyes. When you see a man who intrigues you, make eye contact, and when a man is intrigued by you, he’ll stare into your eyes to communicate his attraction.

What is the secret to the eyes?

You’ve heard that the eyes are the windows to the soul but you may have dismissed it as a tall tale as easy to ignore as the warning that masturbation causes blindness. (Just in case you didn’t know, it doesn’t.)

The eyes are the windows to the soul.

Psychologists would probably insist that everything we do of fers clues to our personalities, including our sexual orientation. The way we walk, the way we talk, our handwriting, eating habits, favorite movies, books, music - you name it - provides insight into who we are. For my money, psychology is only slightly more credible than astrology and palm reading, but I believe that everything we say and do provides clues to who we are. The trick is to interpret those clues accurately, and that’s where I question the psychologist’s expertise.

But even those who scoff at psychology can find evidence that a man’s secrets are revealed in his eyes.

Think about it: sunglasses are called “shades,” and like the shades on the windows of your home, a pair of tinted glasses prevent people from peering into your private space. The eyes can reveal psychological disorders. Take a look at Hitler’s eyes. Do they not tell a tale or two of evil? Even the entirely fictional fiend known as Hannibal Lector had eyes that were home to something clearly demonic. If those eyes met yours, wouldn’t you want to run and hide?

And what about that eye hovering over the pyramid on the back of the one dollar bill, the supposed all-seeing eye of God surveying His creation? Kind of spooky, isn’t it?

Some eyes are filled with such joy and compassion that you are irresistibly drawn to the person fortunate enough to possess them. Eyes that never meet yours may reveal shyness or anti-social tendencies. Signs of health and sickness are also revealed in your orbs. If you’ve been spared the tragedy of watching someone struggling with a terminal illness, take a look at a photo of actor Steve McQueen shortly before he succumbed to cancer. Clouded over, the light that normally sparkled there was slowly disappearing.

A smile can be deceptive, and the same is true of words. The eyes, however, rarely lie. You can hide them, but that’s not a wise course to take if you’re seeking love and romance.

The eyes are most re vealing when they act like magnets, simply unable to avoid the object of desire. If a man can’t resist turning his gaze in your direction, make no doubt about it,: he’s interested in you. If your admirer is a security guard or a police officer, don’t assume his interest is sexual or romantic. Otherwise, you can bet you’re having an effect on someone’s libido.

The moment of undisputed truth is when his eyes meet yours. Your admirer will hold your gaze longer than is considered polite, so long that you’ll feel that your privacy is being invaded, but his pupils will be the real give-away, offering proof of how attractive he finds you.

Watch his pupils. If he likes what he sees, those otherwise tiny black dots in the center of his eyes will dilate, becoming almost as large as the area that surrounds them. This is an involuntary response, so it’s little wonder we sometimes shyly avoid eye contact with someone we’re attracted to.

Studies have shown how reliable pup il dilation is in determining our likes and dislikes. When homosexual men were presented with photos of nude males, their pleasure was reflected and their sexuality confirmed by their dilated pupils. When “love ‘em and leave ‘em” womanizers were presented with photos of females, their pupils contracted, perhaps giving credence to the popular theory that “love ‘em and leave ‘em” types secretly dislike women.

Equally significant are studies that suggest others find us more attractive when the pupils of our eyes dilate. Is it that we respond more favorably to someone who finds us attractive? Duh, well, yeah, we do. That’s a no-brainer, but our insecurities often prevent us from accepting the most obvious interpretation of the signals we receive. If you let someone know that you like him, he’ll be inclined to like you, too. That alone gives you the edge over the man who plays hard to get.

The relationship between love and the eyes is unmistakable. Poets know it, and so do songwriters. You may not have the voice to serenade your love with a rendition of “I Only Have Eyes For You,” but you can show him that the song’s message is true, silently but surely. Focus your eyes on him, and him alone.

by Brian W. Fairbanks

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