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The Talon House

Rules That Guys Wish Women Knew


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If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.

Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short

hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married

women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.

Birthdays, Valentines, and anniversaries are not quests to see if we can

find the perfect present yet again!

Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss

such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and hockey.

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let

it be.

Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.

Crying is blackmail.

Your EX-boyfriend is an idiot.

Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not

work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!

We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar.

Remind us frequently beforehand.

Most guys own three pairs of shoes -- tops. What makes you think we'd be

any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your


Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we

do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

Check your oil. Please.

Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all

comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act

like the soap opera guys.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes

you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done -- not

both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain

about having their boobs stared at. More women should wear Wonderbras and

low-cut blouses.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we

were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends like

THEIR relationship is SO MUCH better.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for

example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea

what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading

ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's

wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

What the hell is a doily?

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