Torturing Santa

[movieguy]

Torturing Santa

Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note

explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.

While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a

speeding ticket.

Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the

holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.

While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact

replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get

them to fly.

Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes

crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that

big, red Santa suit!

Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs

that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa."

Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus

called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf

of bread on his way home.

Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the

chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.

While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon

as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have

missed that last payment, and take off.

Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with

a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy. " Leave another plate

out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a

dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa. "

Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed.

When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say,

"Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."

Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes

and corrections.

While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with

barbed wire.

Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure

to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got

a red nose!" and fire a gun.

Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map

with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.

Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to

get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, but from a

distance, he looked like a bear.

Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.

Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's

in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act

like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.

Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs.

Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then

say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."