Funny things Mother says

[movieguy]

My mom is long gone, but i got this from my sister awhile back, and just found it. since mother day is coming up, i thought you might like a little chuckle

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going

to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of

the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up,

I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and

break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear,

in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something

to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth

and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt

on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that

spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a

tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told

you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this

world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like

your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less

fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like

you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get

home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when

you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing

your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I

know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,

don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your

vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do

you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll

understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll

have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you