Jump to content
The Talon House

Lawyer and the Redneck


Recommended Posts

A bigshot city lawyer and a redneck got into a car wreck on a hot summer day. The lawyer got out of his BMW and the redneck got out of his pickup to survey the damage, and the redneck realized he was at fault.

"YOU STUPID HICK!" shouted the lawyer, looking with contempt at the redneck in his dirty overalls and tangled beard.

"Hick, huh?" though the redneck. "How am I gonna get outa this?"

After looking over the handsome, impeccably dressed and dignified city lawyer in his $2,000 navy blue pinstriped suit, carefully knotted red silk tie, starched white shirt, silver cufflinks and black dress shoes polished like mirrors, $1,000 briefcase and hundred dollar haircut, the redneck walked back to his car, got out a bottle, and brought it back. Mister Hotshot was checking his suit and shoes to make sure they were not dirty.

He handed it to the lawyer, and said, "Here, you look pretty shook up. I think you ought to take a nip of this. It'll steady your nerves, it's home made."

Mister Pinstripes did, but was so angry about the wreck, he refused to speak. The redneck then said, "You still look a little bit pale. How about another?" And the smug, pompous lawyer took another swallow. After a few minutes, he began to feel the heat of the sun hrough his wool suit.

Then the redneck said "It's mighty hot today. Folks 'round here don't usually wear shoes on a day like this. Why don't you take off them fancy shoes, and the socks, too?"

The lawyer frowned: "Take off my shoes and socks? Do I LOOK like someone who would walk around barefoot? That's fine for rednecks, but not for a professional like ME! These are $500 shoes!"

But after a few more sips, the redneck asked him again, and then again, and finally the lawyer let out a drunken laugh, and took off his polished shoes and socks. Then the redneck said: "Why don't you take off that fancy tie?"

"Take off my tie?" said the lawyer with a sneer and slur in his voice. "I'm a lawyer!!!" But then he looked down at his bare feet and took off his tie...

The redneck said: "And the suit? You look kind of funny standing there barefoot in a suit! I got another pair of overalls you can wear while we figger out what to do about this situation!"

The lawyer tried to give him an arroagnt look, but he was feeling the heat of the sun and the liquor. He tried to resist, but...

Off came the jacket of the $2,000 pinstriped suit. Then the white shirt. Finally, the trousers, too, and the lawyer pulled on the overalls.

At the urging of the redneck, the lawyer then took another sip, and another, and another.

The suspenders and the cufflinks and the briefcase were all in a heap now, and the lawyer was having a hard time standing up. After another half hour, the lawyer said he was feeling pretty good, and asked the redneck if he didn't think that he ought to have a little nip, too. Then he realized he couldn't find the redneck... or his expensive clothes.

"Not me", the redneck replied, stepping out from behind a tree and wearing the lawyer's clothes and holding the keys to his BMW. He looked at the formerly well-dressed and dignified lawyer, barefoot in overalls and drunk as a skunk and looking like a true redneck, "Here's the keys to my pickup. Now that I've cut ya down to size, I'm waiting for the state trooper!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...