TalonRider

Thanks, Paul. this could be useful.

zoio Spanking

clapping Good one Paul.

Way Too Happy

Sent Packing Charles D. McKinley, 25, of Brooklyn, N.Y., had four weeks of vacation coming, so he decided to visit his parents in DeSoto, Texas. Rather than buy a plane ticket for $320, McKinley, a shipping clerk, packed himself into a shipping crate and air-expressed himself home, charging the fees to his employer. When the crate was delivered to his parents' front step, McKinley pushed out of the box and shook hands with the "shaken and frightened" delivery driver. The driver called the police. After an investigation by the FBI, the U.S. attorney, postal inspectors, the Federal Aviation Administration and the Transportation Security Administration, McKinley was charged as a stowaway, a federal misdemeanor. (Dallas Morning News) ...If he had only waited for the driver to leave, he would have been home free. Disquieting Librarians are protesting a new "action figure" being released by Archie McPhee and Co. of Seattle, Wash. The $8.95 doll, complete with "amazing push-button shushing action!", is "a lovely idea and a lovely tribute to my chosen profession," says librarian Nancy Pearl, 58, whom the doll is modeled after. But other librarians don't like it one bit. "The shushing thing just put me right over the edge," says Diane DuBois of the Caribou (Me.) Public Library. "It's so stereotypical I could scream." (AP) ...Hey! What part of "shush" don't you understand?

This cat wouldn't survive a spin in my washer,

Welcome to the Talon House Bigkid. Feel free to post. Hi-Ya

Sounds like a good idea to me. Famous Foursome

Another fine example of stupid people doing idiotic things. Face Splat

Kiss_off Pee in the Snow

Cute, Pat.

I ain’t got a heart of gold I’m hurtin’ more now than I’ve ever known If you mean the thing’s you said I’m gonna wind up out of my head Can’t sleep alone at night I just can’t seem to get it right Damned if I do Dammed if I don’t, but i love you I don’t want to tie you down Don’t need a reason to have you around But each time you walk away Don’t be surprised if I ask you to stay Can’t sleep alone at night I just can’t seem to get it right Damned if I do Dammed if I don’t, but i love you I said I’m damned if I do And I’m damned if I don’t cause i love you I ain’t got a heart of stone You haven’t left me a mind of my own But it’s got such a hold on me I don’t think I could ever be free How can I survive? I’m fighting to keep myself alive I’m damned if I do Dammed if I don’t, but i love you Can’t seem to see the light I’ve done everything but I can’t get it right Damned if I do Dammed if I don’t, but i love you EVE The Alan Parsons Project

Ah, the life a pig. You the Man

Shock 1

Is this what roller coasters are coming too?

This won't be fair, since we chatted about this, I'll answer here anyway. To look at the problem, 2+2x2, and do the math (as it reads) in ones head, the answer is 8. (2+2=4x2=8) To do the same problem with a calulator, the answer is 8. To do the same problem on a spread sheet, the answer is 6. Now I went to school and grauated long before the days they came out with the "New" math. Had the problem been presented like this, 2+(2x2), then I would have answered 6 and not 8. Then I would have multiplied first and not last. And Phil, sorry I didn't see this sooner. AND SHAME ON EVERYONE ELSE FOR NOT TAKING UP THE CHALLENGE!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sure there are weirder ways out there. At work, in the County Purchasing Handbook, a tie between bidders can be settled with a coin toss. And I've seen it happen and participated in a couple.

You haven't asked yet. I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life. Because I just love hearing this question. Just lucky, I guess. It gives my mother something to live for. My fiancee is awaiting his/her parole. I'm still hoping for a shot at Miss/Mr. America. Do you know how hard it is to get two tickets to Miss Saigon? I'm waiting until I get to be your age. It didn't seem worth a blood test. I already have enough laundry to do, Thank You. Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating. My co-op board doesn't allow spouses. I'd have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund. They just opened a great singles bar on my block. I wouldn't want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness. I guess it just goes to prove that you can't trust those voodoo doll rituals. What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads? I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck. Why aren't you thin? I'm married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation.

TOP 10 THINGS A WOMAN WOULD DO IF SHE WOKE UP WITH A p**** FOR A DAY 10. Get ahead faster in corporate America. 9. Get a blow job. 8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat. 7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal. 6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently. 5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm. 4. Touch/shift yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem. 3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks. 2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final number. AND THE NUMBER ONE THING WOMEN WOULD DO ...... 1. Repeat number 9.

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini & cucumbers. 9. Squat over a hand mirror for an hour and a half. 8. See if they could finally do the splits. 7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet. 6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch. 5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes...BEFORE closing time. 4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first. 3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video. 2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts, too. AND THE NUMBER ONE thing a man would do is: 1. Finally find that damned G-spot.

10. I think of you as a sister. (You're ugly.) 9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly.) 8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You're ugly.) 7. My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly.) 6. I've got a girlfriend. (You're ugly.) 5. I don't date women where I work. (You're ugly.) 4. It's not you, it's me. (You're ugly.) 3. I'm concentrating on my career. (You're ugly.) 2. I'm celibate. (You're ugly.) ...and the number 1 rejection line given by men 1. Let's be friends. (You're sinfully ugly.)

10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in"Deliverance.") 9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You are one Jurassic geezer.) 8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.) 7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.) 6. I've got a boyfriend (who's really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's). 5. I don't date men where I work. (Hey, bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.) 4. It's not you, it's me. (It's not me, it's you.) 3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.) 2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.) ....and the number 1 rejection line given by women 1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's that male perspective thing)

There are LOTS of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date... "Nice outfit. Is that a wonder-bra?" "I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired." "No wine for me tonight. My urologist says it's not good to mix alcohol and penicillin." "I refuse to get cable. That's how they keep tabs on you." "People say I remind them of Eddie Haskell." "I used to come here all the time with my EX." "I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn't hurt to consider it." "Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour." "I like clay. It's mushy." "I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look." "And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest." "I know you said you don't eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask." "It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am." "Dropping my pants just scared them. But when my underwear hit the ground... Man! I never knew Jehovah's Witnesses could run that fast." clapping

Thanks, Pat. Well said. clapping Falling Hearts