TalonRider

1. Ahhh...I see the f*ck-up fairy has visited us again...

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're sayng.

10. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of S**t.

11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

14. I'm already visualizng the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. No, my powers can only be used for good.

24. You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.

25. Who me? I just wander from room to room.

Bad Names (Part 3)

26. Jagoff Jakinovish

27. Fuzzy Hooks

28. Juan Person

29. Kenya Cook

30. Lavoris Jones

31. Mariola Arriola

32. Minor Wisdom, U.S. Circuit Court Judge in Tennesee

33. Neanon Beamon

34. Opehelia Pullett

35. Oral Jones

36. Layne Lane

37. Paige Turner

38. P. Yu

39. Randy Radish

40. Salmineo Jones

41. Constance Farder

42. Tina Teenie

43. Ali Ali

44. Ben Tongue

45. Bertha Yam

46. Adorable Goody - Leesburg, AL

47. Darling Lemon - Nahunta, GA

48. Cleveland Brown - Newton, IL

49. Fang Fang - Smithville, NY

50. Crayonella Smith - Harisville, RI

Nice use of the icon, Phil. devil-winks

: : I guess the one guy didn't have to use it that bad, now did he? devil-winks

Welcome to The House Cram. Sit back and enjoy your stay. Glad to have you aboard.

Again, !!!!!!

Bad Names (Part 2)

11. Abubakar Gas - NJ

12. Agnes Large - Wyoming

13. Ahmet Semen - Rhode Island

14. Bolivar Shagnasty - Texas

15. Candy Barr - Vermont

16. Charles Horse

17. Allen R. Toothaker

18. Henry Chin Goo

19. Dr. Needle

20. Emma Piggie

21. Richard Bodyfelt

22. Forest Lady

23. Gene Poole

24. Harry F. Twickler

25. Irish Green

The Bad Name Of The Day Master List - Part 1

1. Harden Long - Wisconson

2. A Hah - California

3. A Goodgirl - Missour

4. Ho Phat - NY

5. A M. Bowling - Tennesee

6. Harry Beavers - Utah

7. Ginger Clam - LA

8. A Toke - Alaska

9. Anita Holm - Maryland

10. A T. Last - Kansas

This thread is for Bad Names. The rules are simple, first the name must be real and not made up. Second, if there is a story behind it, please tell us as we all could use a good laugh. Third, the name can be suggestive, but not out right foul.

Just so you know, I got this idea from a morning radio show in Philidelphia. Here is 2 examples from the show.

1. In the Philly area, there was a man who did some outside work for his boss. The Boss asked him if he would do some work for his neighbors. He agreed. He was introduced to the neighbor and his 2 sons, Storm and Wicker. That's not the bad part yet. The last name is Baskett.

2. In the military, we know that soldiers are usually called Privates. In the Air Force, they are know as Airman, while in the Navy they are called Seaman. In the Navy there is a person known as Seaman Swallow.

I think you get the idea. I will periodically add names to this list.

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas).

2. Sorry Officer, I didn't realise my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5. Are you Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in realatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee Officer! Thats terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us knows.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

12. When the Officer says, "Gee Son...Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer, your eyes looked glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

-As Gay men we have all been the victims of unjust Stereotyping, Don’t continue the injustice by Stereotyping others by a group. As a Great Irish Thinker once said

“He Who judges by the group is a F**k Wit.”

-If something is wrong, fix it if you can. But train yourself not to worry. Worry never fixes anything.

- Before you lend your boyfriend money, consider this formula. Maximum money you'll lend pere month should equal the lesser of (a) the amount you can afford never to see again or (B ) your monthly income, divided by 100, times the number of years you've been together.

-Straights are often uncomfortable with public displays of our affection. Don't censor your behavior because of their insecurities, but still be respectful.

-When hugging a guy you like, let him let go. If he doesn't let go, it could be the start of something beautiful, or at least steamy.

Here's one:

Two men walked into a bar and the third ducked.

:blink: That my friend is a time joke, I'll laugh when I have time. kiss my a**

In looking to the future, depending upon how the membership of The Talon House grows, IF needed, I will add a chat room to the house.

Don't feel too bad Pat, We have a piece of equipment I use at work that I hate to use. It only goes 30 ft high and is wobbly. That scares me more than a coaster does. devil-gasp

Look at me now, the shadow of the man I used to be

Look through my eyes and through the years of loneliness you’ll see

To the time in my life when I could not bear to lose a simple game

And the least of it all was the fortune and the fame

But the dreams seemed to end just as soon as it had begun, was I to know?

For the last thing of all that was on my mind, was the close at the end of the show

The shadow of a lonely man, feels nobody else.

In the shadow of a lonely, lonely man

I can see myself

(Looking out of nowhere, Looking out of nowhere)

But the sound of the crowds when they come to see me now, is not the same

And the jest of it all is I can’t recall my name

But I’ll cling to a hope, till I can’t hold on anymore, anymore

And for all the acclaim I am all alone and I see as I look through the door

The shadow of a lonely man there’s nobody else

In the shadow of a lonely, lonely man

I can see myself

Look at me know, a shadow of the man I used to know.

PYRAMID

The Alan Parsons Project

Had a dream, I was born

To be naked in the eye of the storm

And now it’s standing right in front of me

What’s it going to do to me, who knows?

Had a dream it was time

To be taken to the front of the line

Well that is not a place you wanna be

Sleeping with the enemy, you know

I don’t care what the future brings

Give a damn about anything

I’d be fine if they’d only leave me alone

But it’s time, gotta take a stance

‘Cause I won’t get a second chance

And I know now I have to make it alone

Had a dream, it was war

And they couldn’t tell me what it was for

But it was something they could lie about

Something we could die about, you know

Anytime, anyplace

When you look that man in the face

Well it is not a face you want to see

Sleeping with the enemy, you know

Mary, can you hear me?

Can you tell me what it’s all supposed to mean

Holding out a photograph of all that I have seen

I wish I could hold you.

I wish I could hold you.

Had a dream, it was time

To be a witness at the scene of the crime

Well, that is something you can analyze.

Something you can criticize, who knows

So we wait, hesitate

And we’re making such a mistake

Oh, whatever can the matter be?

Sleeping with the enemy, you know

I don’t care what the future brings,

Give a damn about anything

I’d be fine if they’d only leave me alone

But it’s time, gotta take a stance

‘Cause I won’t get a second chance

And I know; now I have to make it alone

In The Eye of the Storm

Rodger Hodgson

(formally of Supertramp)

Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece:"I can't remember the names of all the Clubs that we went to."

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson no being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me."

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: " I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, which ever comes first."

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."

Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."

Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with Promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for four years, not Princeton."

Lou Duva, on the Spartan training regimine of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."

Shaquille O'Neal, on his lack of championships: "I've won at every level, except college and pro."

1992 - Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team's 7-27 record: " We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where to play."

1982 - Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."

1981 - Tommy Lasorda, Dodger manager, when asked what terms Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming contract negotiations: "He wants Texas back."

1991 - Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburns football dorm had destroyed 20 books: "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet."

1986 - Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints G.M., when asked after a loss what he thought of the ref's: "I'm not allowed to comment on lousy officiating."

1991 - Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?' he said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.' "

25. "I'll take Shakespeare for a 1000, Alex."

24. "Duct tape won't fix it."

23. "Come to think if it, I'll have a Heineken."

22. "We don't keep firearms in this house."

21. "You can't feed that to the dog."

20. "No kids in the back of the pickup, it's not safe."

19. "Wrasslin's fake."

18. "I'll have the grapefruit instead of the biscuits and gravy."

17. "Who's Richard Petty?"

16. Oh, give me the small bag of pork rinds."

15. "Deer heads detract from the decor."

14. "Spitting is such a nasty habit."

13. "Trim the fat off that steak."

12. "The tires on that truck are too darn big."

11. "I'll have the arugula and the radicchio salad."

10. "I've got it all on floppy disk."

9. "Would you like your fish poached or broiled?"

8. "My fiance' is registered at Tiffany's."

7. "Checkmate."

6. "Shes too old to be wearing that bikini."

5. "Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?"

4. "I don't have a favorite college team."

3. "Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darlin'."

2. "Elvis who?"

And the number 1 thing you will NEVER hear a Southerner say:

1. "I couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today!"