ShiningKnight

I'm glad and relieved to finally be able to announce that the exam period for the current semester is over... yay! Funny feeling of not knowing anything right before an exam, same with not even being able to say how it went... Now I'll be on vacation till 02/28/05 what will give me the time to seriously look for an internship abroad (in the US to be precise)... I might need some help though. unsure BTW: Registration period for this year's (FY 2006) diversity visa lottery ended on 01/08/05 and I already got the electronic submission certificate. All I can do now is hope that I'll be picked this year... unsure

Joke of January 27, 2005: A freethinker asked a Christian what he thought about Spinoza's theory that human beings are not ranked higher than animals. "If it's the way you say," responded the Christian, "tell me why there is no Spinoza in the animal kingdom?"

Joke of January 26, 2005: At a restaurant: "Waiter, just give me a little piece of this fish." "Pardon, sir, this is ham." "Did I ask you about what it's called, the fish?"

Joke of January 25, 2005: "Just look at that kid with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?" "It's a girl. She's my daughter." "Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father." "I'm not. I'm her mother."

Joke of January 24, 2005: Sol and Mort are coming from religious school. Sol wonders whether it is all right to smoke while praying. Mort replies, "Why don't you ask Rabbi Schwartz?" So Sol goes up to Rabbi Schwartz and asks, "Rabbi, may I smoke while I pray?" "No, my son, you may not," the rabbi says indignantly. "You asked the wrong question," Mort says and goes to the rabbi. "Rabbi, may I pray while I smoke?" To which Rabbi Schwartz replies, "By all means, my son. By all means."

Joke of January 22/23, 2005: An airline recently introduced a special fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR department sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates asking how they had enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking "What trip?"

Joke of January 21, 2005: Caption: "Take me to your leader!"

Joke of January 20, 2005: "Waiter! What is this?" "It's bean soup, sir." "I don't want to know what it's been. I want to know what it is!"

Joke of January 19, 2005: Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized that they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when one of the turtles said, "Oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches." Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"

Joke of January 18, 2005: Noticing that just before the football game started the teams gathered together and prayed briefly, a fan, seated next to a priest, asked what he thought would happen if both teams prayed with equal faith and fervour. "In that event," replied the minister, "I imagine the Lord would simply sit back and enjoy one fine game of football."

Joke of January 17, 2005: What to say when offered a cigarette at a party: "No thank you. I only smoke on special occasions."

http://adverts.freeloader.com/zurich/ Post your scores! (flash game - plug in required)

THE CORRS LYRICS "Long Night" It doesn't really matter now you're gone You never were around that much to speak of Didn't think that I could live without you, baby It couldn't be that hard to live alone But I'm all, all alone again Thinking you will never say that you'll be home again And it's gonna be a long night And it's gonna be cold without your arms And I`m gonna get stage fright caught in the headlights It's gonna be a long night And I know I'm gonna lose this fight Once upon a time we fell in love And I thought that I would be the only one But now I'm on, I'm on my own again Thinking you will never show you won't be home again And it's gonna be a long night And it's gonna be cold without your arms And I`m gonna get stage fright caught in the headlights It's gonna be a long night And I know I'm gonna lose this fight Lost in you arms baby Lost in your arms Now I'm on my own again Thinking you will never show you won't be home again And it's gonna be a long night And it's gonna be cold without your arms And I`m gonna get stage fright caught in the headlights It's gonna be a long night And I know I'm gonna lose this fight I'm gonna get stage fright caught in the headlights It's gonna be a long night And I know I'm gonna lose this fight I'm lost in your arms baby Lost in your arms

Words and music by michelle branch One less call to answer, Feeling full of despair, Don’t think I can get through it, Just one last prayer. *and it’s a leap of faith, When you believe there’s someone out there, It’s a leap of faith when you believe that someone cares, oh, And when I call out to you, Will you be right there, Right there. Searching for the answer, Nobody seems to care, Oh how I wish that you were here, Beside me, To wipe away my tears. *and it’s a leap of faith, When you believe there’s someone out there, It’s a leap of faith when you believe that someone cares, oh, And when I call out to you, Will you be right there, Right there. Waiting for the answer, Remembering times we would share, Somehow I feel you here beside me, Even though your not there. *and it’s a leap of faith, When you believe there’s someone out there, It’s a leap of faith when you believe that someone cares, oh, And when I call out to you, Will you be right there- Bridge: Right there--- And I’ll be waiting by the window for your smile to come through, And I’ll be waiting in the darkness when I call out to you, And I’ll remember when you told me, I could trust in you- *and it’s a leap of faith, When you believe there’s someone out there, It’s a leap of faith when you believe that someone cares, oh, And when I call out to you, Will you be right there- It’s a leap of faith, And I believe that you are out there, It’s a leap of faith and I believe you truly care, oh, And when I call out to you, I know you’ll be right there, Right there, And it’s a leap of faith.

Dear Tech Support Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0. and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? Signed, Desperate ========================= Dear Desperate: First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command:"http: I Thought You Loved Me.htm" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, over use of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background, that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7. Good Luck, Tech Support

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help! Thanks, A Troubled User. (KEEP READING) ______________________________________ REPLY: Dear Troubled User: This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 ! WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system. Best of luck, Tech Support

Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong! Arizona: But It's a Dry Heat Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthing California: By 30 Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedys Don't Own It Yet Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money) Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes... Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S" Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets) Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes And 10,000,000,000 Mosquitoes Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, & Very Little Else Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest Nevada: Whores and Poker! New Hampshire: Spend Your Money, Then Go Away And Leave Us Alone New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here! New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney... North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States! Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota Tennessee: The Educashun State Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English) Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus Vermont: Ayuh Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix? Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers! Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor? West Virginia: One Big Happy Family...Really! Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese Wyoming: Where Men Are Men...And The Sheep Are Scared

Joke of January 15/16, 2005: John entered a store in Brooklyn and asked the shopkeeper, "What is the price of a herring?" "Six cents each," answered Katz, the shopkeeper. Just then the owner of the next store announced his merchandise loudly: "Ladies and gentlemen, cheap! Five cents a herring!" "Do you hear that?" John asked, "Why do you charge more?" "Because," answered Katz, "I wrap the herring in today's newspaper, whereas my neighbour uses papers that are a week old!"

Joke of January 14, 2005: An actor was offered 5,000 pounds a week to work on a new film. "What is it called?" he asked. "The One-Legged Transvestite of Dartmoor Prison," replied the director, "Be sure to be here on Tuesday at eight o'clock." "For that money I don't mind starting on Sunday." "No need on Sunday. But on Monday you will be having your operations."

Joke of January 13, 2005: "How is business?" one salesman asked another. "Terrible. Even the people who never pay have stopped buying."

Joke of January 12, 2005: Caption: "Stanley, I think the cat wants to go out."

Joke of January 11, 2005: Taxpayer: "I always pay my income taxes all at once." Tax collector: "But you are allowed to pay them in quarterly installments." Taxpayer: "I know it, but my heart can't stand it four times a year."

Joke of January 10, 2005: On a TV talk show a young atheist was sitting between a Catholic bishop and a famous rabbi. "I feel as if I were the page between the Old Testament and the New Testament..." The rabbi interrupted him, "That is a brilliant comparison, my son, since that page is usually a blank page."

Joke of January 8/9, 2005: A tourist saw an advertisement in front of a restaurant which claimed that any dish requested could be served. The man decided to test it. He entered and ordered an elephant on toast. The waiter took the order and went away into the kitchen. A few minutes later, he returned and said calmly, "We do apologize, but unfortunately we have run out of bread."

Joke of January 7, 2005: A customer complained, "God made the world in only six days. And it took you more than six weeks to finish up my suit." "Quite true, sir," replied the tailor, "But look what state it is in, and then take a look at this suit!"