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Kayden 2 Chapter 7 - by Ryan Keith is now up http://excoboard.com/exco/index.php?boardid=5252

Watch the female be lesbains

Zoo tempts gay penguins to go straight A German zoo has imported four female penguins from Sweden in an effort to tempt its gay penguins to go straight. Penguins at Bremerhaven Zoo in Bremen /Europics The four Swedish females were dispatched to the Bremerhaven Zoo in Bremen after it was found that three of the zoo's five penguin pairs were homosexual. Keepers at the zoo ordered DNA tests to be carried out on the penguins after they had been mating for years without producing any chicks. It was only then they realised that six of the birds were living in homosexual partnerships. Director Heike Kueck said that the zoo hoped to see some baby penguins in the coming months. She said that the birds had been mating for years and one couple even adopted a stone that they protected like an egg. Kueck said that the project has the support of the European Endangered Species Programme because the penguins, which are native to South America, are an endangered species. A biologist will be on hand to monitor the experiment. But introducing the Bremerhaven penguins to their new Swedish friends may not be as successful as hoped after earlier experiments revealed great difficulties in separating homosexual couples. In case they show no interest, the zoo has also flown in two new male penguins "so that the ladies don't miss out www.ananova.com

They won again, by three again But go Colts yay yay yay it yo0ur turn

Indonesia Reportedly Mulls Kissing Ban By Associated Press February 5, 2005, 10:48 PM EST JAKARTA, Indonesia -- Call it a kissing crackdown. Indonesia's government is considering a law banning unwed couples from pecking in public -- and harshly penalizing those who do, The Jakarta Post reported Saturday. The campaign against kissing is part of a proposal of sweeping reforms to laws adopted by the country's Dutch colonial rulers in the late 19th century. The head of the panel that drafted the law said Muslim beliefs about decency had influenced its decision. Neighboring countries with large Muslim populations, such as Malaysia and Brunei, already enforce laws defining "khalwat," or "close proximity," a crime akin to adultery for unchaperoned meetings between Muslim men and women. Indonesia's revised laws would set environmental protection standards and punish human rights violations and terrorism, the newspaper said. But they would also impose penalties on unwed couples who kiss in public, while permitting police raids on the homes of those suspected of living together out of wedlock. Pornography and public displays of "certain sensual body parts" would be outlawed and media, movies and songs censored. Penalties for law breakers would range from fines as high as 300 million rupiah (US$32,800; euro25,300) to up to 10 years imprisonment, according to the daily. President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono and the legislature are expected to spend two years debating and revising the draft. Critics say the laws would let authorities restrict personal freedoms and muzzle the media. In recent years, Hollywood movies and TV programs have faced condemnation from religious leaders and government officials in the world's most populous Muslim nation who say such fare violates religious tenets on decency. Islamic conservatives -- some of whom want to replace Indonesia's secular system with one bound by Islamic law -- have been emboldened since the fall of ex-dictator Suharto in 1998. Copyright © 2005, The Associated Press www.newsday.com

Burglar Held; Lost False Teeth at Scene By Associated Press February 6, 2005, 10:18 AM EST STOCKHOLM, Sweden -- Police used dental records to identify a man who broke into a cafeteria in southern Sweden -- the suspect left his false teeth with his social security number engraved in them at the scene of the crime. The 43-year-old man admitted to breaking into a hospital cafeteria in Karlshamn, 370 miles south of Stockholm, after being presented with the evidence, the newspaper Kristianstadsbladet said Sunday. The man told the police he left the cafeteria in a hurry after failing to find anything of any value and dropped the teeth while fleeing the building. The judge who ordered the man's detention was not available for comment Sunday. Copyright © 2005, The Associated Press www.newsday.com

Chapter 27 of The Closing is posted http://www.josephmen.com/

Granny, 78, scales building A 78-year-old Chinese grandmother scaled the outside of her apartment block after locking herself out of her fifth floor flat. Nie Sanmei, of Changsha, Hunan province, accidentally locked herself out of her apartment while cleaning, reports Xiaoxiang Morning News. She ignored neighbours, who urged her to call her daughter-in-law for a copy of her key, and started climbing, using window grills as hand and foot-holds. However, she got stuck at the fourth floor when she found she could not climb around a wall-mounted air conditioning unit. Neighbors called the emergency services but Nie did not want to be rescued, telling firefighters: "I'm close to the balcony." But, when her daughter-in-law arrived with the key, she finally allowed them to tie a rope around her waist and lower her to the ground. Afterwards, she admitted: "I must have been drunk. I hope others do not follow my example and risk their lives." www.ananova.com

The Ranch by Miguel Chapter 16 to 18 is now link at the site under Miguel Corner http://excoboard.com/exco/index.php?boardid=5252

Two teen girls in Colorado been fined almost $900 for baking and delivering cookies to their neighbors last summer. One woman they took cookies to was so terrified by the knocks on her door around 10:30 pm that she went to the hospital after suffering an anxiety attack. The families of the girls offered to pay the woman's medical bills but she sued instead. Court records contained a half-dozen letters from neighbors who said they enjoyed the unexpected treats. links

Ore. women gives birth to 14 pound baby Feb 3, 2005 (PRINEVILLE, Ore.) — Jacob Aaron Ryon is the size of a healthy 3-month old. Only problem is, he's less than two weeks old. Jacob weighed 14 pounds and 1 ounce when he was born to Wendy Bullock, 24, on Jan. 21 at Pioneer Memorial Hospital. He measured 24 inches. "The whole hospital was a buzz," grandmother Aaron Miller said. "He's just a little man." Jacob, who was delivered by Caesarean section, was so big he busted out of newborn-sized diapers and his one-piece sleepers. A nurse had to run to the store to get him bigger clothes, Miller said. Jacob is one of the biggest newborns in Central Oregon in recent memory. Doctors at Mountain View Hospital delivered an 11-pound girl in 2000, administrator Rick Nader said. At St. Charles Medical Center-Bend, a 13-pound baby was likely the largest ever born there, spokesman Todd Sprague said. Proud mother Bullock, who is 6-feet tall, doesn't mind the extra load. "I'm just happy he came out healthy and strong and I made it through," she said. "He's perfect." Last month in northeastern Brazil, a 38-year-old woman gave birth to a 16 pound, 11-ounce baby boy named Ademilton. Copyright 2005 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. abc7.com

Cool skins Jan

Boy, 9, prevents plane crash By Myrtle Ryan A nine-year-old boy, flying a kite at Grahamstown airport, possibly saved the lives of five Durban people. When the Lee and Bricknell family were preparing to fly home from Grahamstown aboard their Beechcraft turbo-prop King Air last Sunday they met Brent Bowker and his father Chris, otherwise the airport was deserted. Pilot Christopher Lee, his wife Noelle, his mother Joan, 85, his father-in-law Edryn Bricknell, 86, and wife Joan, buckled up ready to take off. Lee was startled to receive a radio message "Brent is interested in planes," said Bowker. "He saw the pilot making his take-off preparations and spoke to him at great length." Earlier, another plane, piloted by Bowker's friend Etienne le Roux, landed. The two men were about to leave the airfield but Brent insisted on watching the Beechcraft take off. As he watched, he saw something fall off behind the plane and bounce onto the runway. Brent alerted his father and they found it was a wheel. "Etienne's landing gear partially collapsed a year ago, so he knew the danger the occupants of the Beechcraft were in. He also knew whom to contact to alert Lee," said Bowker. Lee was startled to receive a radio message informing him he had lost a wheel and the 90-minute flight to Durban became a harrowing one. 'We would all probably have been killed' When they reached Durban, Lee flew the Beechcraft three times round Durban International Airport - which closed for an hour and a half in anticipation of a crash-landing - so someone on the ground could see whether there was a rim left on which to land. However, all that remained was the wheelshaft. Staff parked a small red van in front of where Lee had to bring the plane down on its belly. He made an impeccable landing and nobody suffered even a scratch or bruise. If he had not known he had lost a wheel, Lee would have attempted a normal landing at Virginia Airport only to have the wheel shaft plough into the ground, sending the plane cartwheeling. "We would all probably have been killed," said Noelle Lee. * This article was originally published on page 2 of The Cape Argus on January 30, 2005 Sunday Argus Published on the Web by IOL on 2005-01-30 11:15:00 © Independent Online 2004. All rights reserved. iol.com

Welcome Thalke to Talon House

Chapter 6 of The Power Within - Living is now posted http://www.deweywriter.com/

A chicken farmer went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and orders a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!" He turned to her and said, "What a coincidence." Continuing, he said "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating." "This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!" says the woman. "What a coincidence." says the man. They clinked glasses and he asked, "What are you celebrating?" "My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!" "What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile." "That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?" "I switched cocks," he replied. "What a coincidence," she said.

A 20-year-old former Kmart cashier nearly defrauded the company out of tens of millions of dollars. The employee managed to get millions of dollars worth of stock sent to him, but it was returned to the company as undeliverable because he failed to include his apartment number in his account information. The return of the stock raised enough suspicion that the FBI was called in who tracked the suspect down. links

NOT AVAILABLE EVEN in death, Rodney Dangerfield gets no respect. The late comedy legend's longtime publicist, Kevin Sasaki, got a call from a booker at CNN last week asking him if "Rodney would be available to share his comments on the passing and legacy of Johnny Carson." Sasaki replied that unless CNN had a new way of linking up to the afterlife via satellite, that would be impossible. Dangerfield, of course, passed away last October. Ironically, his new DVD set, "Rodney Dangerfield — The Ultimate No Respect Collection," was posthumously released last month, and includes clips culled from his more than 70 appearances on "The Tonight Show." nypost.com

News of the Weird WEEK OF JANUARY 30, 2005 LEAD STORY Nonlethal war tactics suggested by an Air Force research team in the 1990s were made public in December by the military watchdog organization Sunshine Project and included a recommendation to expose enemy troops to powerful aphrodisiacs in order to distract them into lustful hookups with each other (irrespective of gender). (The Pentagon said the idea was dropped almost immediately, but the Sunshine Project said it was discussed as recently as 2001.) Other ideas: giving the enemy severe halitosis (so they could be detected within a civilian population), overrunning enemy positions with rats or wasps, and creating waves of fecal gas. [New Scientist, 1-14-05] Scenes of the Surreal (1) In a December demonstration against the opening of a McDonald's in the Mediterranean town of Sete, France, about 500 protesters, using a homemade catapult, bombarded the restaurant with fresh catches of the area's renowned delicacy, octopus. (2) NASA announced in October it was retiring the KC-135 plane it had long been using to train astronauts for weightlessness in flight; an official told reporters that the air crews had kept track of the amount of astronaut vomit cleaned up over the years and that the total was at least 285 gallons. [Agence France-Presse, 12-18-04] [Washington Post, 10-30-04] The Classic Middle Name (all new) Charged with murder recently: Jessie Wayne Walker (Greensboro, N.C., December); Michael Wayne Carter (Indianapolis, October); Matthew Wayne Ferman (Waverly, Ohio, October); Keith Wayne Graham (Merced, Calif., August); Justin Wayne Smith (Bay City, Texas, December). Suspected of murder when he committed suicide: Brian Wayne Pennington (Klamath Falls, Ore., December). Convicted of murder: Billy Wayne Cope (York, S.C., September) [Greensboro News & Record, 12-6-04] [indianapolis Star, 10-4-04] [Chillicothe Gazette, 12-7-04] [Merced Sun-Star, 8-25-04, 1-8-05] [Houston Chronicle, 12-22-04] [Herald and News (Klamath Falls), 12-27-04] [sun-News (Myrtle Beach), 9-24-04] Least Competent People # A 21-year-old man was hospitalized in intensive care in Murdoch, Australia (near Perth), in December following a barroom stunt in which he put on a helmet connected to a beer jug, with a hose that ran between the jug and a pump powered by an electric drill. The idea was to facilitate drinking a large quantity of beer without the laborious tasks of lifting a glass and swallowing, but the flow was so powerful that he had to be rushed to the hospital with a 10-centimeter tear in his stomach. [The West Australian, 12-15-04] # (1) Samuel Woodrow was convicted of burglary in Santa Fe, Texas, in December, one of four men who had broken into a home. However, the men had fled, empty-handed, when they were scared away by overhearing a police call from the video game Grand Theft Auto ("We have you surrounded! This is the police!"), which the resident's three grandsons were playing in another room. (2) In January, a 22-year-old man robbed a Chevron station in Vancouver, Wash., and eluded police in a high-speed getaway, but he then got lost and wound up back at the same Chevron station, and, apparently not recognizing where he was, he asked for directions, allowing the clerk to notify police, who soon arrested him. [KTRK-TV (Houston), 12-11-04] [Fox News, 1-6-05] Grown-Ups # Charles Bonney, 67, and Victor Harris, 36, were detained by police in Godfrey, Ill., in December after squaring off in their vehicles (Chevrolet Camaro and Acura Integra) and repeatedly ramming each other in the street and then in the parking lot of C&W Auto Glass, because of their ongoing feud over a woman. Eventually, only Bonney faced criminal charges. [Alton Telegraph, 12-29-04] # Amid a recent, stepped-up wave of parental violence in kids' sports contests (e.g., choking a basketball coach in Akron, Ohio; choking a hockey referee in Toronto), a woman was barred from the Greater Toronto Hockey League in December following an altercation between parents of the 11-year-olds who were playing. According to a witness, the woman lifted her top above her shoulders (in the style of guests on "The Jerry Springer Show") and "shook (her breasts, while wearing a bra) side to side," then yelled at other parents, "What the hell are you looking at? Have you never seen (breasts)?" [Plain Dealer (Cleveland), 1-18-05] [Canadian Broadcasting Corporation News, 1-18-05] [Winnipeg Sun, 12-5-04] # Cameron Miller, 19, was arrested in Alexandria, La., on Christmas Day and charged with firing shotgun blasts at his mother, stepfather and stepbrothers as they drove away because Miller was unhappy that he did not get money for Christmas but instead got only music CDs. And on the day after Christmas in Feasterville, Pa., according to police, Steven Murray, 21, set his parents' house on fire because he was angry at having received no presents. [WWL-TV (New Orleans)-AP, 12-28-04] [Associated Press, 12-28-04] Ironies # On Dec. 20, a United Parcel Service driver was involved in a crash on an icy road near Keene, N.H., suffered a head injury, and was taken to Cheshire Medical Center, where tests were to be performed, except that the required machine for them was broken (though parts were on order). After checking the status of the order, hospital personnel discovered that the parts had been shipped and were in fact in the crashed UPS truck, and someone was dispatched to the scene of the accident to retrieve them. [Keene Sentinel, 12-20-04] # According to the British parents' organization Bullywatch, which issued blue wristbands to students to publicize the campaign against school bullying, any kid wearing the wristbands was immediately targeted for attack by bullies (December). And 1,500 cords of firewood were burned up when a fire broke out at the Ossipee Mountain Land Co., in Tamworth, N.H. (December). [The Guardian, 12-8-04] [WMUR-TV (Manchester, N.H.), 12-4-04] Recurring Themes Latest From the Class-Action Lawyers' Money Tree: (1) The six lawyers who helped 83 Wal-Mart workers win about $2,500 each (for being improperly denied overtime pay) asked the Portland, Ore., judge in December for fees totaling $2.57 million, about 12 times the clients' total winnings (citing the difficult work, Wal-Mart's contentiousness and the case's implications beyond their 83 clients). (2) And when phone company customers won $25 refunds in a September class-action settlement with Ameritech in Madison County, Ill., lawyers got $1.9 million in legal fees; a local watchdog group said (based on experience) only about 10 percent of eligible customers would bother to apply for refunds, meaning that lawyers' fees would ultimately account for about 60 percent of the amount Ameritech pays out. [The Oregonian, 12-8-04] [st. Louis Post-Dispatch, 10-17-04] Thinning the Herd A 70-year-old woman was fatally struck by two cars as she, wielding a knife, chased her husband into the street during an argument (Springfield Township, Pa., November). And a 43-year-old passenger was fatally injured, after he, sitting in the back seat, began beating up the driver, causing him to lose control and smash into a tree. (The driver survived.) (Newport News, Va., November) And a 54-year-old man was killed after a road rage duel with another driver when he got out of his car, lunged after the other car while it was moving, missed, and hit his head (Jacksonville, Fla., August). [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette-AP, 12-1-04] [Times-Dispatch (Richmond), 11-17-04] [Tampa Tribune-AP, 8-8-04] A Way With Words (1) "(You'll) have no teeth left in (your) mouth (if you keep that attitude)" (allegedly said by Sister Catherine Iacouzze of St. Cecelia School in Iselin, N.J., to an 11-year-old boy who had sassed her). (The sister was fired in December.) (2) "(W)e do not think it rises to the level of a safety defect" (said Chrysler spokesman Max Gates in December, fighting a threatened recall of 600,000 Dodge Durango and Dakota trucks even though, Gates acknowledged, "upper ball joint separation" might make the trucks' wheels fall off). [Morning Call (Allentown, Pa.), 12-17-04] [CNN-AP, 12-10-04] Thanks This Week to Matt Scholtes, Paul Vogt, Mike Mendenhall, Malcolm Humes, Joe Weckbacher, Robert Merritt, Mindy Cohen, Tony Simmons, Ken Kruemcke, Neil Buso, Mark Hertsenberg, Kristin Seibert, Daniel Lutz, Jerri Fulkerson, Charles Shipman, Cheryl Ringer, Tim Farley, John Mulvaney, Andrew Altschuler, Luke Withrow, Rodger Mansfield, Jonathan Austin, Drew Vance, Kyler Graham, Jamie Morrill, John Whisenhunt, and Kathleen Brock, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors. (Send your Weird News to Chuck Shepherd, P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679 or WeirdNews@earthlink.net or go to www.NewsoftheWeird.com.) COPYRIGHT 2005 CHUCK SHEPHERD

Message From Pet Owners * When I say move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way. * The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note: Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. * The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me does not help, because I fall faster than you can run. * I cannot buy anything larger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm. * For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years - canine or feline attendance is not mandatory. * My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees. * The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's rear (I cannot stress this enough).

Must still be doing some more work, i get a Critical Error

Famous Johnny Carson Jokes "I was so naïve as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing." "According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: You don't hear from your relatives." "For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off." "Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard." "If God didn't want man to hunt, He wouldn't have given us plaid shirts." "The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money." "The Surgeon General announced today the ultimate safe-sex product. It's called a Rubik's condom: By the time you've figured out how to use it, you've lost the urge." "When turkeys mate they think of swans." "There's a new invention: snap-on acne for people who want to look younger." "What's all this fuss about plutonium? How could something named after a Disney character be dangerous?" "The Oscars are two hours of sparkling entertainment spread over four hours." "I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself."

A Good Trivia game Links