ShiningKnight

March 9, 2005:

The customer said, "I want some oysters, but they mustn't be too big or too old, and they should be sweet and I want them right away."

To which the waiter responded, "Would you like them with or without pearls?"

March 8, 2005:

A lobbyist browsing through an encyclopedia the other day came upon a stunning idea. At one time in ancient Greece, in order to prevent idiot statesmen from passing stupid laws upon the people, lawmakers were asked to introduce all new laws while standing on a platform with a rope around their neck.

If the law was passed, the rope was removed. If it failed, the platform was removed.

March 7, 2005:

Just before a drafted farm boy made his first parachute jump, his sergeant reminded him, "Count to ten and pull the first rip cord. If it snarls, pull the second rip cord for the auxiliary chute. After you land, our truck will pick you up."

The paratrooper took a deep breath and jumped. He counted to ten, and pulled the first cord. Nothing happened. He pulled the second cord. Again, nothing happened. As he careened crazily earthward, he said to himself, "Well, I'll bet that truck won't be here either!"

March 5/6, 2005:

"This house," said the real estate salesman," has both its good and its bad points. To show I'm honest, I'm going to tell you about both. The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse one block north."

"What are the advantages?" inquired the prospective buyer. "The advantage is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing."

March 4, 2005:

No kidding?!! Wow! I'm a pisces, too!

March 3, 2005:

"I've a complaint to make," said a woman to the steward on a holiday cruise. "A sailor peeped into my cabin last night when I was undressing. I think that's absolutely scandalous."

"What do you expect in second class," replied the steward, "the captain?"

March 2, 2005:

There was a terrible fog in Ireland. Two drivers collided. They groped their way out of their cars and approached each other.

"I had right of way!" said the first.

"Possibly, but it doesn't matter," replied the other. "We're in my garage."

March 1, 2005:

A good sermon should have a good beginning and a good ending, and they should be as close together as possible.

February 28, 2005:

"I think I'm an umbrella," a patient says.

The psychiatrist says, "A cure is possible if you'll open up."

The patient says, "Why? Is it raining?"

February 26/27, 2005:

The science teacher explained to his class that long waves can go around objects but short waves cannot. Seeing blank faces, he picked up his head, held it in front of his face and asked the nearest pupil, "Can you see my face?"

"No, sir."

"Can you hear my voice?"

"Yes, sir."

"What does that show?"

He hoped for the answer that sound waves are long and light waves short, but the boy retorted, "You're talking through your hat, sir."

I must admit that I'm flattered a bit. Thank you.

February 25, 2005:

Hazel, you'd better run a spell-check!

February 21, 2005:

A teenage girl had been talking on phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.

"Wow!" said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"

"Wrong number," replied the girl.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

If this only was a stereotype. I keep getting proved wrong... blink

February 24, 2005:

Sign at a hotel door:

Have you left anything?

It should ask if you have anything left!

February 23, 2005:

Attorney to client: "Scientifically, maybe body cells do replace themselves completely in seven years - but, legally, you're still married."

February 22, 2005:

If you have to get some money, borrow from a pessimist. He doesn't expect to get it back!

February 21, 2005:

A teenage girl had been talking on phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.

"Wow!" said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"

"Wrong number," replied the girl.

February 19/20, 2005:

Hello, this is probably 438-9012, yes, the house of the famous statistician. I'm probably not at home, or not wanting to answer the phone, most probably the latter, according to my latest calculations. Supposing that the universe doesn't end in the next 30 seconds, the odds of which I'm still trying to calculate, you can leave your name, phone number, and message, and I'll probably phone you back. So far the probability of that is about 0.645. Have a nice day.

February 18, 2005:

Rothschild: "You want five thousand florins from me? No, that's too much. I'm gonna give you two hundred florins annually till I die."

"What does that help me, my Lord? With the luck you have, you could die tomorrow."

February 17, 2005:

I'll tell you, Ethel, it's clear to me why they call this the age of aquarius!

February 16, 2005:

Doctors will tell you that if you eat slowly, you will eat less.

It is particularly true if you're a member of a large family!

February 15, 2005:

"When the day of judgement comes," thundered the priest, "there will be a weeping, and gnashing of teeth."

"What about me?" interrupted one of the listeners, "I've lost all my teeth."

The priest roared, "Teeth will be provided."

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Arguing with your Boss is like wrestling with a pig in mud. After a while you realize that while you are getting dirty, the pig is actually enjoying it.

Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.

Behind every successful man, is a surprised mother-in-law.

Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop.

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them!!

Forgive your enemies but remember their names.

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Please don't take these statements too seriously, maybe they even belong to the joke section. Jan, if you think so feel free to move this post.

Never ask someone how they are doing if you don't plan to stay for the answer.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Agreed 100% - This is the reason why 99.99% of all people here in Germany (and also in other european countries, answer to Brad's statement by people from Poland, Finland, France, Iceland,...: "OH yes!") consider Americans superficial. Of course our Business English teacher defends this since he originally comes from Indiana (and has been living over here for 20 years) by saying It's just a way to be nice; do you expect everybody to tell your life history or to have a medical check-up before giving the answer?

No of course not but if we don't want to know how somebody is doing then we simply say Hi (which can be done in a nice way too). And yes, we are confused when Americans start rolling their eyes when we truly tell how we are doing (why ask a question when you know the pre-defined answer "I'm fine, thanks." anyway?) And of course we do not tell our life's history when being asked.

Aggressive new HIV strain prompts concern over high-risk homosexual lifestyle choices

By Staff

Feb 18, 2005

NEW YORK (BP)--With the possible emergence of a new, more deadly strain of HIV, health officials are scrambling to devise more effective ways to convince those with high-risk lifestyles to alter their sexual behavior.

Doctors in New York City announced Feb. 11 that they had come across the stronger HIV strain that is resistant to nearly all drugs and leads to the rapid onset of AIDS.

The strain was found in a man who had tested negative for HIV in 2003 and likely had contracted the virus last October, according to a report in The New York Times. By January, the virus was not responding to the various anti-retroviral drugs used to treat HIV, and he was showing symptoms of AIDS.

Scientists who study HIV and AIDS have said they had seen both the resistance to drugs and the rapid progression toward AIDS before, but never in the same patient. It was only a matter of time before the virus mutated around the drugs being used to treat it, one scientist told The Times.

The news has increased the urgency, especially among those who seek to curb unprotected sex among homosexual men, to raise the level of awareness about the risk of AIDS once again. The Times said the anti-retroviral drugs have extended the life span and quality of life of so many AIDS patients since the mid-1990s that a younger generation no longer lives with adequate fear of contracting the disease.

As the fear of AIDS in America has subsided, a new trend among homosexual men, most notably in New York City, mixes crystal methamphetamine with high rates of unprotected sex.

"Crystal meth is all over the place now, and once you start using it, it becomes integrated in your mind with sex, and the idea of sober sex holds no interest," Peter Staley, a former user who started a campaign against methamphetamine, told The Times.

A recent survey of homosexual men found that 25 percent had used crystal meth during the last few months, The Times said. Users typically mix methamphetamine with other drugs like Viagra for sexual marathons with other homosexual men, and one expert told The Times it is common for men using meth to have sex with 10 to 20 partners in one night. Too often, the sexual partners are anonymous and condoms are not used.

Initial reports indicate the New York City man who is infected with the more deadly strain of HIV had sex with hundreds of sexual partners, raising the chances that others who have caught the strain will begin to surface, The Times said.

Many AIDS experts predict it's only a matter of time before a resurgence of the AIDS epidemic hits the United States as more powerful strains of the virus spread through high rates of unprotected sex.

"People are not going to modify their sexual habits in ways that are difficult or unpleasant until they see their friends dying again," Gabriel Rotello, author of "Sexual Ecology: AIDS and the Destiny of Gay Men," told The Times. "And to me that's just an unbelievably depressing thought.

While the number of AIDS-related deaths has fallen dramatically since the emergence of more effective drugs, The Times said the rate of new infections has remained unchanged at about 40,000 per year.

http://www.bpnews.net/bpnews.asp?ID=20177