movieguy

Lumberjack's revenge An angry Austrian lumberjack used his chainsaw to reduce his boss's furniture to matchsticks. After the fight at work, the 37-year-old drove to his boss's flat in the town of St. Johann, reports Tiroler Krone. After cutting a rectangle into the door with his chainsaw to get in, he then destroyed a table, armchair, corner seat, the complete kitchen furniture and the wardrobe. Neighbours who heard the noise of the chainsaw called the police. When they arrived, they found the man sitting peacefully amongst the remains of his boss's furniture. Police say the man caused an estimated £3,500 of damage. www.ananova.com

'Celibate' monk tried to pick up undercover cop A Buddhist monk decided to break his lifelong vow of celibacy with a prostitute - but picked up an undercover police officer instead. Hoa Trung Nguyen, 47, from the Phap Bao Temple in Sydney, even haggled with the 'prostitute' for a better deal. But after being unceremoniously bundled into an unmarked police car, Nguyen claimed he was joking, reports the Herald Sun. But magistrate Ronald Maiden was not laughing as he convicted the monk for soliciting a prostitute and put him on bond for 12 months. "The accused's version of events, in my view, borders on farcical," he said. "It is quite fantastic." Cabramatta police were running an undercover operation on August 7 to stop prostitution in Fisher St, a residential area. CCTV footage showed Nguyen, his robes under an overcoat, approaching the officer dressed as a prostitute. Nguyen admitted asking about price but blamed it on human curiosity. "I only want to ask her as a joke because of who I am. I would never do anything like that," he said. www.ananova.com

Talonrider has a personal unwelcome problem to take care of , but he will be back soon as he can If you have a problem with the site be sure to PM me and i will see what i can do Talon we will see you when you get back soon and take care and we will cya soon

Texas Man Rigs Up Video Store Inside Truck BRUCEVILLE, Texas (Wireless Flash) -- A Texas businessman has found a new way to drive customers into his video store -- by setting up inside a 50-foot trailer. Darin Winder owns and operates Big Rig Video in Bruceville, Texas, which is the first -- and, so far, only -- video store that is operated inside a giant truck trailer. Fittingly, Winder rigged his store next to a truck stop to take advantage of the many truckers who pass through the area and need videos for the long haul. Winder admits 90 percent of his business comes from sales of beef jerky and X-rated videos, but admits he's shocked by which films are arousing interest. In his words, "Surprisingly, we sell an awful lot of `she-male' tapes." Winder's success has inspired him to consider to rig up locations at other truck stops but some locals aren't excited at the prospect, saying they're "disgusted to see all the trucks lined up for miles" to buy the pornos. www.ncbuy.com

Night Howls 3 is now posted at http://excoboard.com/exco/index.php?boardid=5252

Little Johnny's Christmas A Little Johnny went to sit on Santa's lap, and Santa asked him what he wanted for Christmas. Little Johnny answered, "A damn swingset in the backyard." "Excuse me?" said Santa. "I want a damn swingset in my backyard," repeated Little Johnny. Santa said, "You'll have to ask nicer if you want Santa to bring you something. Let's try again. What else do you want?" Little Johnny answered, "A damn sandbox for the side yard." "You have to ask politely! One more time. What else do you want for Christmas?" Little Johnny thought for a minute, then said, "I want a damn trampoline in the front yard." Santa sighed and set Little Johnny off his lap. "I'm sorry son, I can't give anything to someone who talks like you do. I'm not bringing you anything for Christmas." Santa then called Johnny's parents over and told them what had happened. They apologized profusely, saying they didn't understand why he talked like that, and they had been trying to break him of the habit with no luck. "I know how to stop it," Santa said. "Don't get him anything for Christmas. Just get some dog doo. Put a pile of dog doo in the backyard where he wants the swingset, another pile in the side yard where he wants the sandbox, and another pile in the front yard where he wants the trampoline. That will break him of it." The parents agreed. Christmas morning the kid heads downstairs to open their presents. Johnny runs out the back door, looks around, and comes back in. He runs out the side door, looks around, and comes back in. He runs out the front door, looks around, and comes back in, looking upset. "What's wrong, son?" asked his father. "What did Santa bring you?" Little Johnny answered, "He brought me a damn dog, but I can't find him!"

Weeweechu One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee were sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Huan Cho said "Hey baby, let's play Weeweechu." "Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon" said Jung Lee. "Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I play Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Huan Cho Begged. "But I rather just hold your hand and watch the moon." "Please Jung Lee, just once play Weeweechu with me." Jung Lee looked at Huan Chi and said, "OK, we'll play Weeweechu." Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and they both sang....."Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."

Why Christmas Trees Are Better Than Women 10. A Christmas tree doesn't care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past. 9. Christmas trees don't get mad if you use exotic electrical devices. 8. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you have an artificial one in the closet. 7. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls. 6. You can feel a Christmas tree before you take it home. 5. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you look up underneath it. 4. When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb and have it hauled away. 3. A Christmas tree doesn't get jealous around other Christmas trees. 2. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you watch football all day. And the # ONE reason Christmas Trees are better than women 1. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you tie it up and throw it in the back of your pickup truck.

Torturing Santa Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit! Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa." Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive. While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last payment, and take off. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy. " Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa. " Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime." Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections. While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun. Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house. Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a bear. Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill. Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue. Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."

Schoolboy's sketch nails burglar A sketch of a burglar drawn by an 11-year-old schoolboy was so good it allowed Austrian police to catch the thief less than an hour later. Youngster Fabian Aigner spotted the thief sneaking around the school building in Oberturm, Salzburg, when he returned to his classroom after school to pick up a bicycle light he had left behind. He said: "The man's pockets were so full, it looked like he had a lot in them. I looked him in the eye for a couple of seconds and then he was gone. He just walked off but then he suddenly sped up and ran off. "I thought that was strange and decided he must have taken something and called police, then drew the sketch while I was waiting." Officers arrested an unnamed 42-year-old man in nearby Braunau. Local police Chief Hannes Moser said: "Fabian drew all the man's important characteristics. It's an excellent effort considering he only saw the face for a short moment." Fabian's mother Bertha Aigner said she was very proud of her little boy. "I wouldn't exactly call him artistic but he likes to draw and he is very precise. Fabian has an inquiring mind and learns quickly. He is interested in everything that goes on around him," she said. Young Fabian has been the focus of attention at the school over the past few days but said: "I don't feel like a hero. I just did what I thought I should." www.ananova.com

Clooney's little willy George Clooney has told how his Ocean's Twelve co-stars put a sticker on his car ridiculing his manhood. "One night, I noticed a sticker on my car saying: 'Small p**** on board'," the actor told TV Movie magazine. "Little wonder then that so many people were blowing their horns at me." But he says that he has no idea who put the sticker on his car: "Even today, I don't know which of these wimps did it," he said. And Clooney says he hasn't yet had the chance to see the film for himself. "None of us knows what the film will look like in the end," he said. "It's in the hands of God and the cutter." www.ananova.com

Around The Weird: Bizarre News Briefs OSTHEIM, Germany (Wireless Flash) -- Here's one for the record books: German postal carriers have delivered a letter almost 300 years late. The note sent by a Lutheran church official in 1718 to another church was initially delivered to the wrong town. It sat in that town's archives until recently, when a historian found it and decided to deliver it to the correct church. JACKSONVILLE, Fla. -- Oy vey! A Kosher coffee has been created for Hanukkah. Called "Dreidel Delight," the white chocolate mousse-flavored coffee is available on the website bocajava.com. LONDON -- British scientists have designed a biodegradable cell phone cover that includes a seed that sprouts a flower when it's discarded. Sunflower seeds have been used in the protocols, but the scientists will also test poppies and roses to see their cell phone-originating sprouting power. The environmentally conscious phone is expected to hit the market next year, but the price has not been determined. COEUR D'ALENE, Idaho -- Two men in Idaho were arrested for dumping dirt in the forest. The men, who have not been identified, broke a federal law that prohibits dumping anything, including soil on federal land. The dirt apparently came from the men's driveway which they were preparing to get paved. The pair from the town of Coeur D'Alene admitted to police that they dumped the dirt under a big fir tree and used rakes to spread the soil to make it look nice. NEW YORK -- Company big wigs will be letting down their hair this holiday season. According to a new survey conducted by Battalia Winston International, 95 percent of companies plan on throwing a holiday bash. Sixty-five percent of the seasonal shindigs will be held in the evening while the other 35 percent will take place during the day. Drunken episodes by employers and employees may be less likely though: 63 percent of these companies will take measures to manage alcohol consumption by using bar tickets, limiting the beverage choice to beer only and only serving the suds for a limited time. www.ncbuy.com

A favorite back from last year http://ww12.e-tractions.com/snowglobe/globe.htm

Bike from Santa... ... On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light, and next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop said to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The kid said, "Yeah." The cop said, "Well next year, tell Santa to put a tail light on that bike." The cop then proceeded to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid took the ticket. Before he rode off he said, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humoring the kid, the cop said, "Yeah, he sure did." The kid said, "Well next year tell Santa to put the d*ck underneath the horse, instead of on top."

Dear Santa, I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good Boy all yeer. YeR FReND, BiLLy Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawn care specialist. How 'bout I send you a freakin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell! Santa _____________ Dear Santa, I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I really really want a fire truck this year! Love, Joey Dear Joey, Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your freakin house. Then you'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with! Santa _____________ Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy Dear Teddy, What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the babysitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Santa _____________ Dear Santa, I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis Dear Francis, Francis...FRANCIS! Who the hell names their kid "Francis" nowadays? How 'bout I get you a Barbie and Ken doll FRANCIS! ...hahahahahahahahaha. Tell me Francis, do you get punched in the face alot in school? hehehehehohoho Santa _____________ Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys? Your friend, Thomas Dear Thomas, You must be a major DORK. Don't you read the freakin' tags you little loser? All toys get made in China! I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses asses, and losing all my cash at the craps table. And NO you little dweeb - reindeers can't fly. But they sure taste good with A-1 sauce! Santa _____________ Dear Santa, I really, really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please PLEASE! Timmy Timmy, That whiney begging crap may work with your folks, but that stuff don't work up here. You're getting a sweater again. Are you by any chance related to Francis? Santa _____________ Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home? Love, Marky Mark, Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting your a** beat at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams! Santa Grinch

PresentsUnderTheTree

Chapter 20 of The Closing is now posted http://www.jpoet.4t.com/

Baseball star's wife makes ultimate threat The wife of a top US baseball player has vowed to have sex with all of his team mates if he ever cheats on her. Anna Benson, a former model and stripper who was named Baseball's Hottest Wife by FHM, is married to Mets pitcher Kris Benson. She told Howard Stern's radio show: "I told him, cheat on me all you want. If you get caught, I'm going to s***w everybody on your entire team. Coaches, trainers, players. I would do everybody on his whole team." Stern, egging her on, asked: "Even the coaches? What about, like, the bat boys?" "Everybody would get a turn," Anna pledged. "If my husband cheated on me and embarrassed me like that, I will embarrass him more than he could ever imagine." www.ananova.com

Around The Weird: Bizarre News Briefs STOCKHOLM (Wireless Flash) -- Norway has invaded Sweden -- with rats. Thousands of rats, which are thought to have crossed the border from Norway with garbage shipments, have invaded the town of Kiruna, Sweden. It's believed the rats came into the small mining town via its recycling center, which handles 25,000 tons of Norwegian waste a year. CANBERRA, Australia -- Virgin Mobile is helping its Australian customers put an end to embarrassing, late night "drunk dialing" calls. A new cell phone feature lets drinkers blacklist certain phone numbers before they head out for a night out at the bars so they won't be able to call them later. A recent survey shows 95 percent of people Down Under have made drunk calls and 30 percent of those were to ex-partners, 19 percent were to current partners and 36 percent were to other people, including their bosses. SAN FRANCISCO -- Stress doesn't just cause women to tear their hair out, it may age their chromosomes by as much as 10 years. A team of scientists at the University of California, San Francisco, monitored the white blood cells of 58 women, some who have chronically ill children and some without, to gauge how stress affected them at the cellular level. The results show the longer a woman remained a caregiver under stress, the more damage was done to her chromosomes. SEOUL -- Bronze baby shoes aren't good enough for Korean parents, who are having their babies' umbilical cords plated in gold. The Korean company U&I Impression says it has been plating about 80 to 100 umbilical cords a month since it began offering the service in August. The cost for preserving a baby's bellybutton droppings runs about $75 to $100. www.ncbuy.com

Gamers to kill for real? A Texan hunter wants to give computer gamers the chance to kill things for real with the click of a mouse. John Lockwood has already hooked up guns to the internet to let people shoot targets on his Texas ranch. Now he wants to let fans shoot live game through his website, live-shot.com, reports the New York Post. Mr Lockwood intends to have the remote hunts running early next year with virtual hunters paying up to £40 an hour. They will be be able to use their computer mouse to operate a camera and rifle pointed at a game feeder set up to attract animals. Hunters would have to pay more if they kill an animal - up to £1,000 for a buck deer, although there is no guarantee they will see any game. "I've gotten hate mail calling me a sick, despicable redneck," said Mr Lockwood, 39, a lifelong hunter. "But the technology for hunters keeps evolving, from bowhunting to high-powered rifles. This is just another step forward, another tactical advantage." Kevin Armstrong, president of the New York Bowhunters Association, was not impressed. "Sitting remotely and pushing a button to kill another animal is nothing but perverse 21st-century slaughter," he said. www.ananova.com

News of the Weird WEEK OF NOVEMBER 28, 2004 LEAD STORY "Anal-wart researcher" (visual inspection being the only way to detect anal cancer from the human papillomavirus) heads Popular Science magazine's second annual November list of the worst jobs in science. However, "worm parasitologist" can be just as challenging, especially for anyone studying the Dracunculus medinensis (which can settle in humans to a length of 3 feet and then must be removed carefully after its thousands of offspring burst through the skin). Other contenders: "tampon squeezer" for the study of vaginal infections; a Lyme-disease "tick attractor" (who must sing, to keep bears away, while trolling in the woods); and "monitors" at warm-climate landfills (where garbage has been reduced to steamy, liquid condensates). [Popular Science, November 2004] Majority Rules Perhaps the strangest election result this year was in Orange County, Calif., where a school board seat went not to the favored establishment candidate but to an unknown, Steve Rocco, who never campaigned or even appeared in public. (He did tell a friend after the election that he would appear at the board meeting on Dec. 9.) Among the little information known about him: His candidate registration included one page of (according to the Los Angeles Times) "densely typed text cut and pasted together, and filled with rambling prose," and several years ago, he hosted a 17-episode interview series on public-access TV while wearing dark glasses. [Los Angeles Times, 11-12-04] Suspicions Confirmed In November, four University of Memphis basketball players, who share an apartment on campus, reported a break-in, with items missing (according to the police report obtained by WPTY-TV) including $6,000 worth of shoes, $4,000 of custom-made shirts, $6,000 of trousers and $40,000 of mink coats. [WPTY-TV (Memphis), 11-9-04] More Scenes of the Surreal (1) The September nomination of Michael Kostiw as executive director of the CIA was withdrawn almost immediately when The Washington Post revealed that he, while in a previous stint with the agency, had been caught shoplifting a $2.13 package of bacon from a Langley, Va., grocery store. (2) While demonstrations about Iraq usually either support the troops or criticize U.S. involvement, a group of p***-video actresses staged an idiosyncratic protest in August in Los Angeles, denouncing the U.S. military for offering breast implants to female soldiers (as a way to help keep combat surgeons sharp for battle-related plastic surgery). (One sign read, "Honk if you love natural breasts.") [Washington Post, 11-4-04] [Reuters, 8-19-04] Questionable Judgments # Asking for Trouble From the Spirits: Kenneth Rabalais, 19, was charged with desecrating a grave in a suburb of New Orleans after he opened the crypt of a young relative, believing that other relatives had buried "tribute" money and drugs to help ease the deceased's transition to the afterworld. (Apparently, the deceased left un-tributed.) And in Hawaii, Wal-Mart opened a store in October despite warnings that it had been built on an ancient grave site (and, indeed, the remains of 44 bodies turned up during construction). (Wal-Mart said it is protecting the remains while it seeks state approval to re-bury them.) [Times-Picayune (New Orleans), 10-2-04] [CNN-AP, 10-14-04] # Colin Hancock, a convicted drug dealer serving time in Perth Prison in Scotland, filed a lawsuit in October, asking the equivalent of about US$55,000 because of an improper rectal exam (responding to his symptom of urine blockage) given by a prison physician. Dr. Alexander MacFarlane said he was forced to use, as lubricant, milk from a bowl of porridge because that was all the prison had on hand. [scottish Daily Record, 10-11-04] Oops! # In August, a pilot, cruising over Forest Grove, Ore., on assignment, reached out the window to scatter the cremated ashes of a man over the Mountain View Memorial Gardens, but the 4-pound bag slipped out of his hand, eventually crashing through the roof of Barbara Vreeland, who lives near the cemetery. The deceased's family paid for the damage, but Vreeland later told a reporter, "I think some of (him) is still in our attic." [seattle Times- AP, 9-1-04] # The child pornography collections allegedly belonging to two men were inadvertently exposed in separate incidents in October. Robert Medvee was arrested in Frederick, Md., on 96 counts after workers spotted a stash as they were making repairs on his home following recent tornado damage. And part of the collection of the late Todd Darow was spotted by police, who had gone to his home in Livonia, Mich., to inform his widow that Darow's body had been found (at a church where he was a part-time custodian). (A search of the house turned up a more extensive holding, including videotapes of children being molested in the church restroom.) [Frederick News-Post, 10-4-04] [Detroit Free Press, 10-4-04] Creme de la Weird In October, Los Alamos National Laboratory nuclear research officials evicted Roy M. Moore, 56, who had been living for years, apparently undetected, in a hard-to-access cave on the grounds (though not in a high-security area of the property). Moore had equipped his cave with a wood-burning stove, solar panels, a bed, a glass door and satellite radio. And in Houston in October, police calling at the home of Ronnie Luhn, 37, regarding the theft of a newspaper vending box, arrested him after finding 181 of them crammed floor-to-ceiling in the one-bedroom house he shared with his wife and three children. [Associated Press, 10-29-04] [Houston Chronicle, 10-16-04] Least Competent Criminals (1) Frances Lea Shaw, 41, was charged with arson of her home in Greensburg, Pa., in August after police and firefighters discovered that her most valuable household items (clothes, TV set, microwave oven) had already been placed in the yard under a heavy tarp by the time they arrived at her burning home. (2) John DeWitt, 18, fled from a security guard at the Orlando Ale House (Orlando, Fla.) in September after the guard suspected he was about to burglarize the building, but DeWitt's flight ended when he climbed into what he thought was a garbage can in order to hide but which turned out to be discarded restaurant grease. [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette-AP, 8-19-04] [Orlando Sentinel, 9-6-04] Recurring Themes News of the Weird reported in 2002 on a rooftop brawl in Jerusalem's Church of the Holy Sepulchre (under joint control of six Christian faiths, whose adherents sometimes get snippy with each other), when a cleric placed a chair in an area reserved for another faith. In September 2004, Roman Catholic and Greek Orthodox clerics had a fistfight (resulting in at least five injuries) after a Catholic left a door open during an Orthodox service. (Coincidentally, on almost the same day in Bedford, Ohio, police said that more than 100 Sikhs were involved in a brawl over proper clerical dress at the Guru Gobind Singh Sikh Temple.) [bBC News, 9-27-04] [WEWS-TV (Cleveland)-AP, 9-26-04] Almost All True Three of these four things really happened, just recently. Are you cynical enough to figure out the made-up story? (a) A California Highway Patrol officer ticketed the operator of a Jeep off-road vehicle driving on Interstate 5 while tending to two hamburgers cooking on a portable grill. (b) A Texas state representative had his house and yard toilet-papered by a group of adult women who were supporting his opponent. © A Louisiana man arrested for indecent exposure confessed to police his longstanding hobby of photographing himself nude in unusual locations. (d) Police called to a Utah man's house to stop him from slitting his wrists also found the man's mother trying to commit suicide by automobile exhaust in the garage. Readers' Choice In October, with the homeowner away on vacation, Beverly Valentine, 54, broke into a house in Douglasville, Ga., and made herself totally at home, commandeering owner Beverly Mitchell's clothes, having the utilities changed to her name, ripping out carpeting, having a new washer and dryer installed, and painting a room, among other changes. When Mitchell returned after 17 days in Greece, she was of course dumbfounded that her key wouldn't work. Valentine has not yet explained, but a former neighbor said she has had some "problems." [Atlanta Journal-Constitution, 10-22-04] Answer to Almost All True: (b), © and (d) are true. [American-Statesman (Austin), 11-2-04] [KTRK-TV (Houston)-AP, 11-8-04] [Associated Press, 11-12-04] Thanks This Week to Kathryn Wood, Bill Lawrence, Chris Atwell, David Bokeno, Mellissa Wright, Mindy Cohen, Matt Riffle, Bea Westrate, Peter Hine, Paul Farr, Michael Learned, Wheat Williams, Todd Dukart, Julie Hagen, Ellen Marsh, Chrissy Pinheiro, and John Pearce, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors. (Send your Weird News to Chuck Shepherd, P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679 or WeirdNews@earthlink.net or go to www.NewsoftheWeird.com.) COPYRIGHT 2004 CHUCK SHEPHERD

Around The Weird: Bizarre News Briefs NEW YORK (Wireless Flash) -- Many people shop online for Christmas gifts but some consumers prefer going to a drawer rather than a PC. According to a new survey by "Home" magazine, four percent of folks plan to wrap up old gifts and give them to somebody else. EVANSTON, Ill. -- It was bound to happen: An Illinois hotel is desperately trying to attract "desparate housewives" with a new vacation package. Women who book the $2500 "Desparate Housewives-"themed trip to the Hotel Orrington in Evanston will get to help seven of their closest pals escape from their hubbies and kids for a weekend spent drinking martinis and getting massages and manicures. WELLINGTON, New Zealand -- A video game has been banned in New Zealand because the main character attacks other characters by peeing on them, killing them and then mutilating their corpses. Critics of the PC game, "Postal 2: Share the Pain," say the game reinforces racist, sexist and homophobic stereotypes and encourages kids to be violent. It is the second video game to be banned by the island country after the violence-riddled game "Manhunt" was pulled from store shelves last year. LONDON -- In an effort to get back at spammers, internet portal Lycos has made a screensaver that constantly requests information from websites that sell goods and services mentioned in e-mail spam. The hope is that it will keep the servers to these sites so busy that it will cause their monthly bandwidth bills to skyrocket. If enough spam-haters use the download tool, the company figures spammers will then have to pay a ton of money to send out the hated e-mails. It will be launched across Europe tomorrow (Dec. 1). www.ncbuy.com

I Tried a different name for me and got Giggley Berry-Sprout

Grandmother, 90, Plans to Retire at 100 By Associated Press November 26, 2004, 7:06 PM EST KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- On Friday, Missouri's oldest full-time state employee will celebrate her 90th birthday. Virginia Arn figures she has 10 years to go before it's time to retire. "This job has been heaven," Arn said. "I love the people. I have a lot of fun with them. People are always asking me how old I am, and I don't mind telling them. But I also tell them I'm going to work until I'm 100, and then I'm going to take four or five years off and party." For the past 5 1/2 years, Arn has worked as a greeter at the Division of Motor Vehicle and Drivers Licensing office in Raytown. The job, combined with dancing at least four times a week, keeps her going. "Just think about it, 90 years old and working with a smile every day at the DMV, one place most people don't like to go," said Raymond Hune, division director for the department. Arn's job at the office is to greet people as they come in the door, help them find the right line and make sure they have the right paperwork. She was the first hire of office manager Dave Hostetler and has the best attendance record in the office. "She made so many friends, people would say they came to this office just because of her," Hostetler said. "We realized we had a gold mine in her." Arn didn't take her first job until she was 55 after her husband became ill and she started working in a mailroom. In the years since, all of her jobs have involved talking to people. Now a widow, Arn has two children, five grandchildren, nine great-grandchildren, three great-great-grandchildren and another on the way. "She is awesome and inspiring," said her daughter, Cherie Erickson, of Olathe. "She makes my energy level look weak." After work, Arn said she likes to go ballroom dancing. "Friday nights I'm at the Moose Lodge, Saturday at the American Legion and just about anytime at the Camelot Ballroom," she said. She's spending her birthday with family members, who have promised to take her dancing before and after dinner. "She has been this way all her life. I remember when she was younger she would come out and play baseball with us guys and ride horses," said Arn's son, David Arn, of Raytown. "You almost kind of figured that because of her lifestyle she was going to be old." Copyright © 2004, The Associated Press www.newsday.com