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Makes 8 Prep: 30 min. Marinate: 6 hours Roast: 1 hour 15 min. Ingredients 1 2-pound beef eye of round roast 1/4 cup dry white wine 8 ounces fresh mushrooms, finely chopped (3 cups) 1/4 cup water 1/4 teaspoon dried dillweed or fennel seed, crushed 1/8 teaspoon salt 1/3 cup thinly sliced green onion 1 tablespoon reduced-calorie mayonnaise or salad dressing 1/2 cup plain low-fat yogurt 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour 1/8 teaspoon pepper 1/2 cup beef broth

Jello Dessert Salad 1 3 oz lemon jello 1 3 oz raspberry jello 2 cups hot water, separated 1 8 oz cream cheese 1 large can crushed pineapple 1 cup cool whip, thawed 1 10 oz frozen raspberries 1/4 cup mayonnaise 2 cups miniature marshmallows Dissolve lemon jello in hot water. Drain large can of crushed pineapple; heat this juice and the marshmallows, and melt. Add to lemon jello and let set, then add second layer of cool whip mixed with mayonnaise. Top with package of raspberry jello that has been dissolved in hot water and mixed with frozen raspberries. Let set overnight.

INGREDIENTS: 2 pounds lean ground beef 1/4 cup all-purpose flour 1 quart milk salt and pepper to taste 1 teaspoon onion salt 1 small onion, chopped (optional) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DIRECTIONS: Place hamburger in a large, deep skillet. Crumble and cook over medium high heat until evenly brown. Remove from heat and sprinkle flour over cooked hamburger. Stir until evenly coated and all fat is absorbed. Place skillet over medium heat, add 1/2 of milk and stir until gravy begins to thicken. Add remaining milk until desired consistency has been reached and gravy comes to a boil. Season with salt, pepper and onion salt. Serve over mashed or boiled potatoes, toast or biscuits. Add fresh chopped onion if desired.

Turkey and Stuffin' Soup 4 to 6 C. prepared stuffing 1 T. (1 turn around the pan) extra-virgin olive oil 2 medium carrots, chopped, up to 2 C. leftover baby carrots, chopped 2 ribs celery, chopped 1 onion, chopped Salt and pepper 1 bay leaf, fresh or dried 2 quarts chicken stock 1 1/2 lbs. light and dark cooked turkey meat, diced A handful of flat leaf parsley leaves, chopped 1 C. frozen peas or leftover prepared peas, optional Preheat oven to 350° F. and transfer stuffing into a small baking dish. Place dish in oven and reheat 12 to 15 minutes, until warmed through. Heat a pot over moderate heat and add extra-virgin olive oil. Work close to the stove and add vegetables as you chop. If you are using fresh carrots, cut them into a small dice or slice thin. If you are using leftover baby carrots, cut carrots into bite-size pieces. Add celery and onion and lightly season vegetables with salt and pepper. Add bay leaf and stock and bring liquid to a boil by raising heat. Add turkey and reduce heat to simmer. Simmer until any raw vegetables are cooked until tender, about 10 minutes. Stir in the parsley, and peas, if using. Remove stuffing from oven. Using an ice cream scoop, place a healthy scoop of stuffing in the center of a soup bowl. Ladle soup around stuffing ball. Your soup will look like a chunky matzo ball soup. Pull spoonfuls of stuffing away as you eat through your bowl of soup. Yield: 2 quarts, 4 to 6 servings

A rather well-proportioned secretary, Joan, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day but, on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs; she was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday." "What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel." "Not exactly," said the embarrassed little man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."

It was a starry night and the snowflakes drifted down gently. The snowcrust sparkled in the lamplight at the North Pole. Sleigh bells jingled in the distance. It was supposed to be a happy time, but it wasn't. Santa was really pissed off. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right. Mrs. Claus had burned all the Christmas cookies. The elves were bitching about not getting paid for the overtime they had put in while making toys. And to top it all off, the reindeer had been drinking all afternoon and were completely useless. They had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and crashed it into a tree, breaking off one of the runners. They were still stumbling around outside, giggling and shaking their sleigh bells. Santa was redder than usual with anger. He drank another slug of scotch, and then bellowed, "I CAN'T believe it! I've got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours from now and all my reindeer are drunk, my elves are on strike and I don't even have a Christmas tree! AND I sent that stupid little angel out HOURS ago to find a tree and he isn't even back yet! What the HELL am I going to do?" Just at that moment, the little angel opened the front door and stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree behind him. He said, "Yo, Santa, where do you want me to stick the Christmas Tree this year?" And thus the tradition of angels perched atop the Christmas trees came to pass.

Once there were three boys Zip, Willy, and Pee and they were all annoying the teacher. Zip was on the top of the cupboard. Willy was inside the cupboard, and Pee was calling the teacher names and hitting her so she got so stressed she shouted ''Zip down! Willy out! Pee in the corner!''

A man walks into a bar. He walk's up to the barman while spitting every few seconds, after everytime he spat he said "good driver!". He asks the barman for a pint while still spitting and saying "good driver", the barman gives the man his drink and asks if he does not mind him asking, what is with all the spitting and why does he keep saying good driver? "You're going to have to stop, your putting the other customers off there drinks." The man appoligises, i'll tell you what happened. I drive a mini and there's a space in your car park and I was going to try to park in, when along comes this big flash corvette, ( the man spits again and says "good driver" ) well I thought no way are you going to get in there "spit, good driver", the driver of the corvette says you want to bet, so I said yeah sure why not!!! If you get that car parked in there i'll give you a blowjob! (spit, "good driver")

A plane crashes on a desert island and only three men survive. As the men come to their senses they see another man approching them, as he gets closer he speaks to them, "There is only one port on this island where you can get a ship to safety" he says, "However, I am a cannibal and i'm hungry so i'm going to make you a deal"... "I'm going to get my dick out and if all three of your dicks put together are of equal size or bigger then i'll guide you to the port, if they are smaller I will kill you all and eat you". All three men readily agree thinking there's no possible way they can lose. As the cannibal gets his dick out, they see it's 20 inches long! The first man of the three gets his out and it's 10 inches long, feeling confident now, the second man gets his 9 inches out. Finally the third man gets his dick out and although its only 1 inch long the trio still win the bet. The cannibal keeps his word and leads them to safety. Sometime later on the boat home the first man begins to brag... "You two are lucky my dick is 10 inches long you know", he says to his companions. They agree and congratulate the man on havin such a long p****. After a while the second man says, "You two are very lucky my dick is 9 inches long or we would of been eaten by that cannibal back there", once again, his two companions agree. As the night nears its end they ask the third man his thoughts on the experience, "All I have to say" begins the third man, "is that you two are damn lucky I had an erection"

There were three men on a camping holiday, all in a tent in a farmers field. In the morning the three men told each other what they had dreamt the night before. The one on the left said "I dreamt that someone was pulling my knob all night!" The one on the right said "I also dreamt someone was pulling my knob all night." The one in the middle said "I dreamt i was skiing."

Doctor missed 45 stab wounds A doctor called to the death bed of an 87-year-old man failed to notice he had been stabbed 45 times. The doctor, who had several house calls to make, pronounced the cause of death as "old age". The dead man's wife had called the doctor to their house in Riga, Latvia, but according to local media was "too shocked" to tell him what had happened. The doctor presumed the octogenarian had died in his sleep without checking the body. His mistake was only revealed when workers at a funeral parlour in the Latvian capital began to prepare the body for cremation and discovered 45 stab wounds. Police are now questioning the unnamed couple's 33-year-old neighbour in connection with the murder. ananova.com

Ex-women's minister can't hear women's voices Austria's former women's minister has admitted he has a hearing difficulty that means he can't hear women's voices. Herbert Haupt, who was women's minister for three years and is still an MP, revealed his weakness during a Parliamentary debate. After Haupt complained he could not understand a female colleague during a debate, the Parliamentary president Andreas Kohl was forced to ask the woman to repeat her statement with a deeper voice. Haupt admitted that the hearing difficulty meant he could not hear sounds over 3,500 Herz, the range in which many female voices lie. ananova.com

Mayor: 'Stop pestering me for sex' A mayor who set up a direct hotline for people to call with civic problems is asking bored housewives to stop inviting him round for sex. Cristian Anghel, mayor of Baia Mare in Romania, claims he had more than a hundred calls in the last week from women declaring their love for him. He said many come straight out and even invite him round for sex, local daily Libertatea reported. Mayor Anghel said: "The number was meant for complaints but some women took it as a sex hotline. "I hear declarations of love and some have even made erotic proposals to me. "I can understand these ladies have desires but their kind of problems need to be solved somewhere else, not at the Town Hall." ananova.com

Woman found on fire in alley near Colfax By Abigail Chin Denver Post Staff Writer Saturday, November 20, 2004 - A woman was found afire in an alley outside a Denver apartment building Friday night and was hospitalized with severe burns. Neighbors saw the woman in the alley next to 1410 York St. about 8:30 p.m. after hearing what sounded like an explosion. They called 911. "I heard a boom, and I looked out the window, and I saw a big ball of fire," Jim Bird said. When he came outside, he saw "this woman laying there naked, and her clothes were over there laying in a pile." Bird said people batted at the woman with what looked like clothes or blankets to put the fire out. The woman was taken to University Hospital. "She was severely burned," Denver police Sgt. Mark Crowley said. "She was conscious. We didn't learn anything, but she was talking." Police could not tell what started the woman on fire, but the arson investigation unit was at the scene, Crowley said. Neighbors complained that the alley is a hot spot for crime. "All night long you'll see 'em walk up and down the alley" doing crack or buying drugs, Bird said. Crowley said the alley is just half a block south of Colfax Avenue "and it's a Friday night, so this is a pretty busy place," he said. Staff writer Abigail Chin can be reached at 303-820-1201 or achin@denverpost.com . denverpost.com

Around The Weird: Bizarre News Briefs WASHINGTON (Wireless Flash) -- More than 81,000 pounds of corn dogs are being recalled because they fail to cut the mustard with the U.S. Department of Agriculture. The USDA is demanding that Texas-based Bryan Foods yank the corn dogs from shelves because the labels don't mention the inclusion of dried egg yolk, a potential allergen. The condemned corn dogs were mainly distributed in Alabama, Florida, Louisiana and Mississippi. GREENSBURG, La. -- Talk about eager beavers: Police who were searching for a sack of stolen money discovered a bunch of beavers had found the bills and used them to build a dam in a Louisiana creek. Officers believe thieves tossed the cash into the creek after robbing a truck stop video poker casino north of Baton Rouge. Luckily, around $40,000 worth of bills were still whole and officers were able to return the dough to the rightful owners. LONDON -- A couple in Birmingham, England, found a nasty housewarming gift when they walked inside their new house: A badly-decomposing body which police believe had been in the upstairs bedroom for at least two years. According to the "Daily Telegraph," police believe the dead man was a vagrant and have classified the death as "suspicious." HANOVER, Germany -- Plans are in the works for the world's first senior citizen prison in Germany. Due to an increase in crimes committed by oldsters over 60, the government will be building a special facility near Hanover which caters to sinister seniors. Ananova.com reports all toilets and beds in the old age jail will come equipped with handrails; cells will be built to accommodate walkers and wheelchairs; and nurses will be on duty 24 hours a day. ncbuy.com

Virgin Mary Melted Cheese Sandwich Kit For Sale LOS ANGELES (Wireless Flash) -- An entrepreneur is trying to make a quick buck off a cheesy do-it-yourself kit that makes grilled cheese sandwiches with the image of the Virgin Mary on them. Christopher Curry posted the Blessed Grilled Cheese Virgin Mary Creation Kit on eBay yesterday (Nov. 17) for an opening bid of $3,500 in response to a 10-year-old grilled cheese sandwich that has been drawing attention on the auction site. The kit comes with a statue of the Virgin, a toaster, two bottles of holy water and instructions for toasting Mary's image on the "sacri-licious" sandwich. Curry also claims the kit has been blessed by a priest and says the buyer can make sandwiches to eat or sell or have a Virgin Mary party. But Curry has his own cross to bear. A few hours after launching the auction, eBay deleted it claiming he was selling food. Curry says he's now petitioning eBay to re-post it as soon as possible. ncbuy.com

Around The Weird: Bizarre News Briefs SAN FRANCISCO (Wireless Flash) -- There may be no place like home for the holidays, but many folks would rather be elsewhere. According to a survey by travel website expedia.com, 36 percent of respondents would rather be "anywhere else" than home during the holidays. But only 12 percent say they'll actually avoid the family by taking a getaway trip and 67 percent say they'll likely spend time with friends and family. WELLINGTON, New Zealand -- Instead of breast-feeding her baby daughter, a New Zealand woman has decided to suckle her pet pooch. Kura Tumanako says she started feeding her Staffordshire bull terrier pup after her two-month-old baby stopped taking her milk. Tumanako says she didn't want her breast milk to go to waste and tells the NZPA news agency, "He drinks more than the baby. It doesn't hurt, but it's a little bit ticklish." BERLIN -- There's nothing worse than a smelly co-worker. At least, that's what Germans think. A newly-released survey by the German magazine "Junge" "Karriere" found 38 percent of German office workers are "most bothered" by the smells of their colleagues. Co-workers socializing too much came in second with 15 percent while untidy desks took third place on the list with 14 percent. CORRECTION -- The story in the Nov. 16 feed headlined "Canadian Nurse Aims To Build Better Sex Toys" contained an incorrect contact number. To arrange interviews with Sue Johansen, contact Scott Stein at (310) 927-4767. ncbuy.com

Thanksgiving Briefs PROVO, Utah (Wireless Flash) -- The real turkeys at Thanksgiving may not be in the oven. According to a survey by VitalSmarts, a company which trains people to deal with confrontations, 83 percent of Americans have had their holiday gatherings ruined by an "unruly family member." ENGLEWOOD CLIFFS, N.J. -- The popularity of low carb diets isn't stopping Americans from chowing down on their favorite comfort foods. A new survey by Country Crock reveals that 83 percent of Americans refuse to give up mashed potatoes and 18 percent pig out on them when they are stressed. SAN DIEGO -- Before you think about pigging out on Thanksgiving, here's some food for thought. The American Council on Exercise reports that a 160-pound person would have to swim for five hours or walk 30 miles in order to burn off the 3000 calories gobbled at the average Thanksgiving dinner. NEW YORK -- Some people have a good reason to be thankful on Thanksgiving. According to the Direct Marketing Institute, 19 percent of Americans have already finished their Christmas shopping. ncbuy.com

Good short story by Pryo links I updated the links, the other one was his old site, check out his new one

Story Of Country Bumpkin, Running on Fumes Triple Play and more by Movieguy Kayden, and a new story "One Life" by Ryan Keith Son of The Empire by Sterling Josh Journey by Kris New Brother by Graeme and many more movieguyworld.com

Joseph is a good writer, The Closing, Joseph Journey. check it out josephmens.com

Author of For The Love Of Pete, Brian And Pete, Brian Destruction 3rd book The Power Within and Heaven Wrath deweywriter.com The Deweywriter Forums has moved. Follow this link to get there, Deweywriter Forum.

New Site, Stories by Jeff P.Gary Q.AC Fan,Gunrunner thefort.com

Good Authors and good story ponyboyplace.com

Many stories by Nick and other authors acherland.org