Jump to content
The Talon House

movieguy

Members
  • Content Count

    3,037
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by movieguy

  1. Bank Robbery Suspect Forgets Checkbook By Associated Press August 5, 2004, 4:51 PM EDT EVANSVILLE, Ind. -- Investigators did not need DNA or even fingerprints to track down a bank robbery suspect -- he left his checkbook on the teller's counter. A man walked into a First Federal Savings Bank branch Tuesday carrying a McDonald's bag and demanded money from a teller, witnesses said. He walked out of the bank just east of the city's downtown with some cash, but left his checkbook behind. The checks were printed with Larry Heady's name and his Maceo, Ky., address, police said. Police officers on Wednesday arrested Heady, 63, at his home in the town about 30 miles southeast of Evansville. "Usually with suspects there's a general rule that you don't leave identification behind," police Sgt. Brett Fitzsimmons said. Heady was also a suspect in two bank robberies in Henderson, Ky., and another in Hopkinsville, Ky., police said. Heady was being held Thursday in the Daviess County, Ky., Jail. Copyright © 2004, The Associated Press newsday.com
  2. Disgraced family A young girl was going on a date. Her grandmother said, "Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys." "He is going to try and kiss you, you are going to like that, but don't let him do that. He is going to try and feel your breast, you are going to like that but don't let him do that. But most important, he is going to try and get on top of you to have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don't let him do that. It will disgrace the family." With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date. The next day she told grandma that her date went just like she had predicted, "Grandma, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I just turned over, got on top of him, and disgraced HIS family..." Granny fainted!
  3. Dear John Letter This is the ultimate response to a Dear John letter. Humor in the face of defeat. A Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. AND, she wanted pictures of herself back. So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. He then mailed about 25 pictures of women (with clothes and without) to his girl friend with the following note: "I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and send the rest back."
  4. movieguy

    3 ducks

    3 ducks A guy walks into a bar with 3 ducks under his arm. the barman, a curious fellow, wants a word with the ducks but knows the man would object. after an hour, the man goes to the toilet. "Hi, what's your name," he asks the first duck "Luey" "What you been doing today" "I've been playing around in Puddles" "Nice, and your are?" he askes the second "Huey" "And what have you been doing today?" "I've been in and out of Puddles all day, and given the chance I'd do it again" "Oh," and to the last," you must be Duey?" "NO! I'm Puddles, and don't you dare ask me how my days been!"
  5. Tenn. Man Arrested at Anti-Crime Event By Associated Press August 5, 2004, 11:19 AM EDT NASHVILLE, Tenn. -- Claude Meadows was hungry after he allegedly robbed a man at knifepoint of his money and car Tuesday evening. Fortunately for Metro Nashville police, Meadows decided to attend a Night Out Against Crime event three hours later and stand in a food line. Officer Martin Burns saw that he closely fit the description of the man who had stolen Harold Whitton's car, and after questioning, arrested Meadows. Meadows, 34, is charged with aggravated robbery. His is being held in lieu of $30,000 bond. "Officer Burns' observations at what was essentially a social event were truly outstanding," chief Ronal Serpas said Wednesday. "It is amazing that Meadows showed up at an anti-crime event." Whitton reported to Burns that he was robbed at knifepoint by a suspect who took his 2001 Pontiac Grand Am and drove away. Whitton gave Burns a good description of the robber. When Burns saw Meadows in the food line, he approached him and recovered a leatherman's tool containing a knife and Whitton's car keys. The car was located and returned to Whitton. Copyright © 2004, The Associated Press newsday.com
  6. At the Drugstore One day two old ladies are sitting on the porch smoking cigarettes when it starts to rain. The first old lady takes out a condom and wraps it around her cigarette for protection. The second old lady asks what it is and where she got it. The first old lady replies: "You can get it at any drugstore. They're called condoms." So the next day the second old lady goes into the drugstore and asks the clerk: "Hello, do you sell condoms?" The store clerk looks at her oddly and asks: "How big?" The old lady replies: "Oh, just big enough to fit a Camel."
  7. Doctor, my sex drive is too high! An 80 year old man went to the doctor. The doctor asked him what was wrong. The man said "My sex drive is too high, I want you to lower it." The doctor said "You are 80 years old and you want your sex drive lowered?" Yes, the man replied, as he points to his head and says "it's all up here, and I want it lowered.
  8. Around The Weird: Bizarre News Briefs LONDON (Wireless Flash) -- A British supermarket chain isn't kidding around with its new shopping cart -- it's designed to avoid childish tantrums. According to BBC News, the Tesco chain is introducing a cart called the "tantrum tamer," which plays DVDs, CDs and educational games for kids. CAMBRIDGE, Mass. -- Chew on this: The number of people following a low-carb diet is not as high as it was few months ago. A trade group called the Low Carb Manufacturers Alliance claims casual low-carb dieters have dropped from 32 percent in April to 21 percent currently. But don't discount low-carb diets as just another food fad. Researchers say 11 percent are committed carb counters. TOKYO -- Single gals in Japan can now snuggle up to a "boyfriend pillow." The 39-pound sleeping partner comes with two dress shirts for the ladies to iron, and one model acts as an alarm clock by vibrating when it's time for the woman to wake up. Ananova.com reports the man-replacing pillow has become so popular that the manufacturer has had to start a waiting list for customers. ATLANTA -- Bad date? Let your cell phone come to the rescue. Cingular Wireless is now offering customers something called the "Escape-A-Date" service, which helps singles ditch lousy dates. The $4.95/month plan allows users to set their phone to ring during their date with instructions for faking an emergency exit -- such as pretending your roommate has locked himself out of the house ncbuy.com
  9. New Hearing Aid An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've already changed my will three times!"
  10. movieguy

    Potato

    An old man lived alone in Ireland. He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison for bank robbery. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament. Shortly, he received this reply, "For HEAVEN'S SAKE Dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the Money!" At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any money. Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Now plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do from here."
  11. Sex Shop Claims Job Applicant Stole Toy By Associated Press August 4, 2004, 8:47 PM EDT DECATUR, Ala. -- A sex shop planned to file an arrest warrant for a woman who allegedly left the store without paying for a toy but who left a good lead on how to find her: She had just filled out a job application. "I thought, that is a classic case of dumb-crook news," said Jamie Hudgins, a sales clerk at Pleasures. She said the 22-year-old Decatur woman entered the store with two friends at 12:30 p.m. Monday, completed a job application and browsed the store before leaving. The anti-theft alarm at the exit sounded as she left. She then pulled the $22.12 worth of merchandise from her purse, tossed it on the floor and fled, Hudgins said. Hudgins said an attachment for the sex toy remained in the woman's purse. Hudgins told The Decatur Daily in a story Wednesday that the woman's mother offered to pay for the items but the store would not be lenient. She said the store also plans to seek harassment charges against another woman who called the store in connection with the alleged shoplifting. * __ Information from: The Decatur Daily Copyright © 2004, The Associated Press newsday.com
  12. movieguy

    3 Mices

    3 mices went into the bathroom late one night and decided to go to sleep! the first mouse went to the bathroom sink to sleep the second mouse went to the bathtubs to sleep and the third mouse slept in the toilets! at the crack of dawn the first mouse got out of the sink and jog around it, he said wow that was good, the best i slept in a longt time the second mouse jump out of the tubs and did push up and said man, that was awesome. i feel great! the third mouse came dragging himself out of the toilets? the other two look at him and ask what wrong!? he reply, man it was a nightmares in there! i was sleeping good, then all at once it got dark as hell, then it started to pourdown raining. then the wind blowed so hard it knock me back in the water! then along came a whirlpool and i spin around and around, and if somebody didn't throw that damn log in there i would had drown!?
  13. An 80 year old man was married to a 30 year old woman. They decided to start a family but the man didn't think he had enough sperm left. So, he went to the doctor. Man: Doc, i'm 80 and my wife's 30 and we wanna start a family but I don't think I have enough sperm left, can you help us? The doctor gives the man a little bottle and tells him to fill it up and bring it back. A couple of days later the man returns rather humbly to the doctor's office. Doctor: Do you have the specimen? Man: Yes.... Doctor: May I have it? Man : I guess so.... The man gives the doctor the bottle and the doctor looks at the bottle then at the man then at the bottle then at the man.... Doctor: Sir, I believe we have a slight problem here. This bottle is empty. Man: It's OK Doc, I can explain everything. See, I tried it with my left hand and I tried it with my right hand. And then my wife, she tried it with her right hand and she tried it with her left hand. We tried it on the bed and off the bed. We tried it right side up and up side down. We tried it in the shower and out of the shower. For the love of God, my wife even tried it with and without her teeth..... But you know what Doc....we just couldn't get that damn bottle open!
  14. Dem' smart city folk A man from the city is out plowing his field and gets his tractor stuck in the wet ground. A farmer driving by stops his truck and walks to the fence to call over the city feller. You need a mule to plow such wet ground he says. "Where can I buy one?" he is asked. Well, I just happened to have one for 100 dollars he says. "I'll take him," says the other man as he counts out the money. I can't bring him over today. I don't work on Sunday morrow OK? "Sure." The next day the truck pulls up and the old farmer gets out. He says, "sorry, bad news." I went out after breakfeast and the mule was dead. The city feller says just give me my money back then. "Can't, spent it already!" "Well... unload the mule then." "What ya gonna do with him?" "Raffle him off!" "Naw, ya cant raffle off a dead mule!" "Just watch me us! City fellers know a few tricks." One month goes by and the city feller and farmer run into each other at the barber shop. "What did ya do with that dead mule?" "Raffled him off, sold 100 tickets at two dollars each and made 98 dollars profit." "Didn't anyone complain?" "Just one guy so I gave him his two dollars back!"
  15. movieguy

    Arthritis

    A man, who smelled like a distillery, flopped down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled man turned to the priest and said, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?" "Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man." "Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading that the Pope does."
  16. Around The Weird: Bizarre News Briefs LIBERTYVILLE, Ill. (Wireless Flash) -- Finding your way around Boston can drive you crazy. It's the most challenging city to navigate in America, according to Avis, which based it decision on driving factors such as street layouts, congested freeways, days of rain and snow and complexity of directions needed to get from the airport to the city center. Meanwhile, Bakersfield, California, is the least-challenging city for driving, along with Anchorage, Alaska; and Fresno, California. SACRAMENTO, Calif. -- Terminator Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger terminated a novelty company from selling Bobblehead dolls of him dressed in a suit and carrying a gun. He sued the Ohio Discount Merchandise Inc., and has settled the suit. Terms include that the company can sell the doll without the gun, and a portion of the sales go to the nonprofit Arnold All-Stars after-school program in Los Angeles. PITTSBURGH -- Hiccups are no laughing matter for Pennsylvania state representative Larry Roberts, who has been hospitalized after suffering a persistent bout of hiccups which started July 19. His condition seems to be improving; an aide from his office tells the "Pittsburgh Post-Gazette" there are "longer lapses" between the hiccups, although they haven't stopped. LEONARD, N.D. -- Police have uncovered a meth lab in the kitchen of a rural North Dakota church. The find at Bethel Morovian Church near the town of Leonard didn't surprise one sheriff's lieutenant, who tells Minneapolis' "Star Tribune," "A church almost makes sense. If nobody is using the church during the week, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see the possibilities." ncbuy.com
  17. I think i know this lady! laughing-smiley
  18. movieguy

    No Justice

    Once upon a time...there was a little old man who really took good care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged six miles everyday. One morning he looked into the mirror and was admiring his body, when he noticed that he was suntanned over his entire body with the exception of his p****. He decided that he must do something about it. He promptly went to the beach, completely undressed, and buried himself in the sand...all except his p****. Soon along came two old ladies who were strolling along the sand. One was walking with a cane. Upon seeing this thing sticking out of the sand, she began to move it about with her cane. She remarked to the other little old lady, "You know. there ain't hardly no justice in this world." The other little old lady asked, "Whatever do you mean by that?" Well, she said.... When I was 20, I was curious... When I was 30, I enjoyed it... When I was 40, I asked for it... When I was 50, I paid for it.... When I was 60, I prayed for it... When I was 70, I forgot about it... And now that I'm 80, the damn things are growing wild and I'm too old to squat.
  19. movieguy

    Hat Pins

    There was a man who went to church with his wife, and he always fell asleep during the sermon. The wife was fed up and decided to do something about this. One Sunday she took a long hat pin along to poke him with every time he would doze off. When the preacher got to a part in the sermon where he shouted out "... and who created all there is in six days and rested on the seventh..", she poked her husband, who came flying out of the pew and screamed, "Good god almighty!". The minister said "That's right, that's right." and went on with his sermon. The man sat back down, muttering under his breath. and later began to doze off again when the minister got to "... and who died on the cross to save us from our sins..." the wife jabbed him again. He jumped up and shouted "Jesus Christ!". The minister said "That's right, that's right!", and went on with his sermon. The man sat back down and began to watch his wife and when the minister got to "... and what did Eve say to Adam after the birth of their second child?" the wife started to poke the husband but he jumped up and said "If you stick that damn thing in me again, I'll break it off!"
  20. An old woman was going through the attic when she found an old lamp. She rubbed on it and a genie appeared. " You may have three wishes ." he told her. She thought hard, then said quickly " I want to be eternally beautiful." He waved his hands, and she was. Then she said, "I want to be extremely rich." Suddenly, huge amounts of gold appeared. " For my final wish, I want my cat to turn into a handsome, young, man, who is completely in love with me." The genie waved his hands, and her cat turned into an incredible looking man. He grabbed her in his arms, and said, " Remember when you had me neutered last week?"
  21. The wife of a preacher talks to her Sunday School class about a wonderful religious experience that she had last week. The other day I went up to the local Christian book store where I saw a "Honk if you Love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance at church, so I bought that bumper sticker and put it on the back bumper of my car. I'm really glad that I did. What an uplifting experience followed. I was stopped at the light of a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord, and I did not notice that the light had changed. It's a good thing someone else loves Jesus or I may have never noticed that the light had changed. I found that lots of people love Jesus. Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy and then he leaned out his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD, Go! . . . . Go! Jesus Christ! Just Go!" Everyone was honking. I leaned out my window and waved and smiled to all those loving people and I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love. "There must have been a man from Florida back there because I could hear him yelling something about a sunny beach. I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenager son in the back seat what this meant, he said that it was nothing, probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I have never met a person from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My son burst into laughter. Why, even he was enjoying the love of this religious experience. A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their car and were walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but that is when I noticed that the light had changed so I waved one more time to my loving brothers and sisters and drove through the intersection. I was the only car that got across the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of bad that I had to leave them and all that love that we had shared so I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one more time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such a wonderful experience. Honk if you love Jesus!!!
  22. Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side. PLATO: For the greater good. ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads. KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability. TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that’s the only trip the establishment would let it take. SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas. LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken "crossed" the black man in order to trample him and keep him down. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road". And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing. FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it? RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road. MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was. JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross the road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?" FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. OLIVER STONE: The question is not, “Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?" DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads. EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference. BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature. RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road. It transcended it. ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain. MICHAEL SCHUMACHER: It was an instinctive maneuver, the chicken obviously didn’t see the road until he had already started to cross. COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one? BILL CLINTON: "I did not have an improper relationship with that chicken."
  23. Believe it or Not! Not Recommended while Eating. BLIND DRUNK A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they would come out half way, but they always popped back in. A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered that the man did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea. MASSIVE TUMOUR In October 1991, surgeons at Stanford University Hospital removed an ovarian tumour weighing over 21 stone from a woman. It was the largest cyst ever detached from a human being. After the operation, the woman weighed 5 stone LESS than the tumour. BABY CHICKEN A 50 year old woman was brought into a New York emergency room complaining of abdominal pains. During an examination, doctors found that the woman's labia were pinned together with old safety pins. Further inside, they found the dismembered body of a chicken. The woman explained that she inserted the chicken pieces, convinced that they would grow into a baby. YUK! A 64 year old woman with colon cancer kept returning to hospital with an infection around her stoma (the hole where the tube from her colostomy bag is inserted). There was also a mysterious whitish ooze emanating from it. After eventually enquiring into her private life, the doctors found out that she led an active sex life. "And," she told them, "when we're feeling really energetic, my husband gets his kicks out of removing the bag and using my stomach." INNER SKELETON A 63 year old widow was admitted to hospital in Recife, Brazil, suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed that she was carrying a 20 inch long skeleton of a foetus which she conceived a decade earlier. It had become lodged outside the womb and was never expelled from her body. FEMALE SOFA A 500lb woman from Illinois was examined in hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts, and a remote control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva. Ouch! A couple hobbled into a Washington emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his around his waist, and the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man. While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's member and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go. GROWING SEASON An old woman in a North Carolina ER complained of green vines growing from her vagina. Investigation revealed a large potato trapped in her womb. The woman then suddenly remembered that she had inserted it two weeks previously, because she thought that her uterus was falling out. PRICKLY PAIR In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his p****. He complained that his wife had "a rat in her pussy" and it bit him during sex. After an examination of his wife, if was revealed that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy. LAST STAND A Cambridge man hobbled into casualty complaining of a permanent erection. He admitted to doctors that while on holiday in Cuba, he frequented many brothels, and in one he was given some erectile cream to keep him hard. He was told to use it sparingly. However, since he was having so much fun, he kept using more and more. By the time he came to casualty, all the blood vessels in his p**** were swollen and his testicles had ballooned in size. Doctors could do nothing except prescribe painkillers, and told him that it would return to flaccidity in a few days. They also told him to enjoy his erection while it lasted, because it was going to be his last. JUICY LUCY In Kentucky, a woman complained of a purple discharge from her gina. She thought it might have something to do with the diaphragm that her doctor had recently given her. "I followed all the instructions to the letter,"she told her doctor, "and used it with the jelly." When asked which kind of jelly she had used, she replied "Blackberry." BRUSH AFTER MEALS A very unhygenic patient was being treated by two nurses for a burst vein in his stomach. While changing the dressing, one of the nurses screamed. They saw maggots crawling down the man's chest. They had been breeding between his teeth, and smelling the open wound, decided to feed further down his body. CALL THE BUM SQUAD! A World War II veteran came into a London clinic with a haemorrhoid problem. One painful pile would often hang down from the man's anus and he was in the habit of pushing it back up with an artillery shell. On this occasion, the shell got stuck. Doctors were going to remove it but the man told them the shell was still live. So the hospital called in the army bomb disposal squad, who built a lead box around the man's anus to defuse the shell before it could be removed.
  24. Two Allegedly Rob Store Twice in Night By Associated Press August 3, 2004, 11:42 AM EDT KINGWOOD, W.Va. -- Two men who allegedly broke into the same store twice in the same night were arrested when they were spotted across the street later the same morning. Surveillance video shows two people breaking into the Manown Mini Mart before midnight Sunday, and again early Monday morning. "When the alarm went on the second time and we came out here, we were just thinking, certainly, it's something silly, surely someone just bumped the door or something, certainly they didn't come back," said Linda Huggins, who owns the store with her husband Randy. Wine coolers, fortified wine and cigarettes were taken from the store, Randy Huggins said. As the couple was cleaning up after the second break-in, Huggins said he heard an ATV start outside. Walking to a church parking lot across the street, he recognized the men from the surveillance video. Huggins grabbed Michael Christopher Lovy and deputies caught Zachary Scott Mori, who fled on foot. Both men are 18 and from Waldorf, Md. "I don't know if they were coming for a third time or just couldn't get the four-wheeler started to get out of here." Randy Huggins said. "They didn't seem like they were real swift." Lovy and Mori were charged with two counts each of breaking and entering and conspiracy. Kingwood is about 20 miles southeast of Morgantown. Copyright © 2004, The Associated Press newsday.com
  25. It's Not Easy Being Emperor LOS ANGELES (Wireless Flash) -- Regardless of who wins the U.S. presidential election in November, a man in Los Angeles will still be claiming to be emperor of America. The man calls himself "Caesar St. Augustine de Buonaparte" and claims he overthrew America in 1996 when he sent a letter to President Bill Clinton declaring war on the U.S. Clinton never responded, so Buonaparte says he became leader by default -- and can't understand why the government and media refuse to inform the American public. Despite this setback, Buonaparte claims he has had a part in government affairs -- including actively warning the government about terrorism. He claims he predicted 9/11 as far back as September 12, 1994, and sent numerous letters to Clinton and George W. Bush warning them to that effect. Although Buonaparte's warnings weren't heeded, he is taking pride that his letters predicting the terrorist attacks are part of the many documents examined in the 9/11 Commission report. Meanwhile, Buonaparte is keeping his fingers crossed about moving into the White House soon, as he's currently between homes. In his words, "I tend to hang out in Malibu, but my belongings are in Canoga Park." ncbuy.com
×
×
  • Create New...