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Everything posted by movieguy

  1. Drunken robins bobbin' along Not all are party animals, but a lot of them are here, and some are drunk off their feathers on berries. By BILL VARIAN, Times Staff Writer Published January 26, 2005 TAMPA - Fun fact No. 1 about robins: They can't hold their berries. In early spring, they'll gorge on overripe mulberries, and get a little tipsy in the process. Fun fact No. 2 (for people who appreciate birds, anyway): There's a ton of them flying around the Tampa Bay area right now. "This is probably the largest invasion we've had in many years," said Joyce King, president of the Audubon S
  2. Writing Tickets One day, Tom went to the store. He was only in there for about five minutes and when he came out, there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. Tom approached the cop and said, "Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?" The cop ignored him and continued writing the ticket. So, Tom called him a pencil-necked geek. The cop glared at him and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!! So, Tom called him a horse's a**. The cop finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then, he started writing a third ticket!! This went on for ab
  3. At The Candy Store Three guys enter a candy store. The first guy approaches the clerk and asks for 10 cents worth of jellybeans. Since the jellybeans are on the top shelf, the clerk goes into another room, brings out a ladder, gets the jellybeans down, takes out 10 cents worth, puts the jellybeans back on the top shelf, and puts the ladder away. Then, he goes to the second guy and asks what he wants. He, too, wants 10 cents worth of jellybeans. So, the clerk goes into the other room, brings out the ladder, gets the jellybeans down and takes out 10 cents worth. Before putting them back up o
  4. Botched Vasectomy While performing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and accidentally cut off one of the man's testicles. In order to avoid a huge malpractice suit, the doctor replaced the missing testicle with an onion. A few weeks later, the man returned to the doctor for a check-up. "How's your sex life?" asked the doctor. "Pretty good," the man replied, "but I have been having some strange side effects." "Such as?" the doctor asked nervously. "Well, every time I urinate my eyes water," explained the man. "When my wife gives me a blow job, she gets heartburn, and every time I pass a hot
  5. movieguy

    Ant City

    [Games] Ant City - Destroy things with a huge magnifying glass links
  6. I'm not sure what the pics mean for this story, or what the pic may look like to you? clcick on links LINKS
  7. movieguy

    Penguin Ball

    Well i was gonna post 1125.7 but forget it Jan
  8. Woman hospitalised by tiger painting A Chinese pensioner had to be taken to hospital after she mistook a painting of a tiger for the real thing. The woman, in her 70s, spotted the 'tiger' in a dark alleyway after shopping at a nearby supermarket. According to Shanghai Evening Post, she screamed, turned and ran after seeing a 'tiger' coming at her. But the woman, who the paper named as Mrs Wang, slipped on ice and fell heavily. Passersby rushed to Mrs Wang's aid to find her nervously stammering: "Tiger, tiger, there's a tiger" and pointing down the alleyway. But the tiger turned out to be
  9. Man Jailed For Faking Heart Attacks To Avoid Paying For Meals POSTED: 8:17 am EST January 24, 2005 MACHIAS, Maine -- A 54-year-old man who routinely complained of fake chest pains to avoid paying the tab for restaurant meals may have gotten his just desserts. A judge sentenced Elias I. Elias on Friday to 90 days in jail after he pleaded guilty to theft of services. The sentence followed the recommendation of District Attorney Paul Cavanaugh, who said the Aug. 5 incident at the Townhouse Restaurant marked the 13th time that Elias tried to skip out on the check by pretending he had trouble b
  10. My favorite Carson bit Carnak: Sis. Boom. Bah. Ed: Sis Boom Bah. Carnak: (says something about a camel impregnating Ed's sister, opens envelope and reads) Describe the sound of an exploding sheep. Carnak: A 1964 Dodge, a day-old pastry, and you. Open: Name an old Dart, an old tart and an old fart. Answer: Bjorn Borg Envelope: Describe the sound of two fat people getting romantic Answer: Persian, Volkswagens, Dolly Parton Envelope: Name some famous rugs, bugs, and jugs
  11. Tabloid fires 'Yahoo baby' reporter By Lester Haines Published Monday 24th January 2005 14:41 GMT Romanian tabloid Libertatea has fired the reporter who fabricated a story claiming that a couple had named their baby Yahoo, Reuters reports. Ion Garnod walked the plank after admitting he made the whole thing up "to look good". A birth certificate accompanying the story turned out to be that of Garnod's own son. The paper's deputy ed, Simona Ionescu, said: "If it were real, it would have been a good story indeed." Yes it would, and El Reg duly ran the heartwarmer after Reuters picked up on t
  12. Car thief told police he was Bruce Willis A Serbian car thief told police he was Bruce Willis and produced a fake passport as ID. Goran Markovic, 46, was pulled over by police at a routine roadside check in Pirot, local daily Blic reported. When asked for his ID, Markovic, who was wearing dark sunglasses and a cap, told them he was Bruce Willis and handed over the passport. But police immediately arrested him when they saw the passport was Australian and soon discovered he had dozens of other passports with fake identities and the car he was driving had been stolen. They said they later l
  13. Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did.... FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word...he knew better. SECOND TESTIMONY: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several m
  14. Man operates on himself A Mexican man has stunned doctors by successfully performing surgery on himself. Pedro Lopez, 39, drained fluid from his lungs that was making his breathing difficult, reports Clarin newspaper. Specialists said he performed the operation almost perfectly and said it was a miracle. Alfonso Torres Aguilar, director of San Cristobal de Las Casas Hospital, said: "We do this kind of surgery draining liquid in small quantities. "But this man introduced a needle on himself through his belly bottom and drained three litres of liquid! Without anesthesia! "He did it as if h
  15. Conservatives Pick Soft Target: A Cartoon Sponge By DAVID D. KIRKPATRICK WASHINGTON, Jan. 19 - On the heels of electoral victories barring same-sex marriage, some influential conservative Christian groups are turning their attention to a new target: the cartoon character SpongeBob SquarePants. "Does anybody here know SpongeBob?" Dr. James C. Dobson, the founder of Focus on the Family, asked the guests Tuesday night at a black-tie dinner for members of Congress and political allies to celebrate the election results. SpongeBob needed no introduction. In addition to his popularity among child
  16. Do-It-Yourself Castration xPosed, December 2004 By AP Staff RENO, Nev. A 50-year-old Reno man who was hospitalized after he castrated himself told police he learned of the procedure on the Internet and did so to lower his libido. The man, whose name was not released, called 911 at about 1:30 a.m. Monday and asked for help because he could not stop the bleeding from a self-castration operation, police said. Reno police and medics responded to the man's home and he was taken by ambulance to the hospital. Washoe Medical Center officials cited privacy issues on why they could not release an
  17. A Giant Baby Boy xPosed, December 2004 By SAO PAULO, Brazil A woman in northeastern Brazil has given birth to what one doctor called a "giant baby," a boy weighing 16.7 pounds. Francisca Ramos dos Santos, 38, gave birth to the healthy boy named Ademilton on Tuesday at a hospital in Salvador, 900 miles northeast of Sao Paulo. He was the largest baby born at the Albert Sabin Maternity Hospital in its 12-year history, the hospital said. "Obviously the baby was born by Caesarean section," hospital director Rita Leal said. "Both mother and baby are doing just fine." Ademilton "could truly be
  18. Listerine Drinker Arrested for DUI xPosed, December 2004 By AP Staff ADRIAN, Mich. A woman who admitted drinking three glasses of Listerine mouthwash had a blood-alcohol content more than three times the legal limit when she was arrested for drunken driving, police said Friday. The woman, identified by police Sgt. Mike Shadbolt as 50-year-old Carol A. Ries, was arrested Sunday night and released on personal bond the next day. She was to be arraigned late next week on a misdemeanor charge of operating under the influence of liquor, Shadbolt said. [id3ad-300x250] Police also found an open
  19. Eeeeeeeewwwwwwww! Wed Jan 19, 2005 8:40 AM ET LONDON (Reuters) - The makers of the handy spray lubricant WD-40 proudly list 2,000 uses for their product, from unsticking rusty screws or squeaky bicycle chains to polishing frying pans. But British police have found another -- keeping the public from snorting cocaine off toilet lids in bars. Police in the English city of Bristol said Tuesday they have been advising pub and nightclub owners to spray the colorless lubricant on toilet seats and other flat surfaces in the lavatory that customers often use to snort drugs. Apparently, cocaine and
  20. Simpson's Daughter Charged With Fighting By Associated Press January 19, 2005, 1:10 PM EST MIAMI -- O.J. Simpson's 19-year-old daughter was arrested after she refused to stop yelling at officers who had been summoned because of a fight outside a basketball game involving her old prep school, police said. Sydney Simpson was charged Saturday with resisting arrest without violence, punishable by up to a year in jail, and disorderly conduct, which carries a possible 60-day jail sentence. Simpson yelled profanities at the officers called to Ransom Everglades School after a boys' varsity basket
  21. Little Patrick For his birthday little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it." Next day the father sees little Patrick heading out the door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you tell mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an
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