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Arkansas Scholars Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16 year old students! (Don't laugh too hard - one of these may be the president someday.) Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets a election. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U. Q: What is the Fibula? A: A small lie Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: What is the most common form of birth control? A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section." A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome. Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor. Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. Q: What is a turbine? A: Something an Arab wears on his head. Q: What is a Hindu? A: It lays eggs.

L.A. May Ban Silly String on Halloween By Associated Press August 18, 2004, 10:09 AM EDT LOS ANGELES -- Banning Silly String in Tinseltown on Halloween? It's a proposal that to some seems almost too silly for words. The City Council considers the issue no laughing matter, however, and on Tuesday gave preliminary approval to an ordinance banning the discharge of the gooey aerosol string in Hollywood on Oct. 31. "I know we may think this is silly, but it is not silly to the storm drain system of Los Angeles, or to the ultimate destination, the ocean," said Councilman Tom LaBonge, whose district includes Hollywood. The council voted 10-0 to approve the ordinance, but another vote is required before it can take effect. Copyright © 2004, The Associated Press newsday.com

Chuck Shepherd's News of the Weird WEEK OF AUGUST 15, 2004 (NOTE: Chuck Shepherd has nearly finished his psychological rehab assignment and will be back with a fresh look at the news next week. These are the last of the golden oldies he left behind for you.) LEAD STORY In 1998, according to a report on the Agence France Presse wire, Cairo lawyer Mustafa Raslan filed a $1 billion lawsuit in Damanhur, Egypt, against President Clinton, alleging that Clinton's alleged sexual antics made it more difficult for him to raise his own children with good moral standards. "I don't know what to tell (them)," he said. (And in December 1997, Sheik Buddy Rasheed, who was the mayor of Bassilya, Jordan, told reporters he wanted to sue Clinton for naming his dog Buddy, which has caused Rasheed a loss of prestige locally, but that he was having trouble finding a lawyer to take the case.) [Florida Times-Union-AFP, 2-18-98] [Chicago Tribune-Reuters, 1-4-98] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chutzpah! Minneapolis firefighter Gerald Brown, 55, who was fired in 1995 for abuse of sick leave, but who won a contentious grievance hearing and was reinstated with 18 months' back pay, was scheduled to return to work on June 2, 1997. When that day arrived, he called in sick. [star Tribune, 6-7-97] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- People Different From Us American Ingenuity at Work: From a 1999 police report in The Messenger (Madisonville, Ky.), concerning two trucks being driven strangely on a rural road: A man would drive one truck 100 yards, stop, walk back to a second truck, drive it 100 yards beyond the first truck, stop, walk back to the first truck, drive it 100 yards beyond the second truck, and so on. According to police, the man's brother had passed out drunk in one of the trucks, so the man decided to drive both trucks home. (Not surprisingly, a blood-alcohol test showed that he, too, was impaired.) [The Messenger, 5-7-99] Ms. Courtney Mann, the head of the Philadelphia chapter of the National Association for the Advancement of White People, who worked as a tax preparer and was a single mother, was rebuffed in an attempt to join a Ku Klux Klan-sponsored march in Pittsburgh in April 1997. Though she had been in the NAAWP for at least four years, the Klan turned her down because she is black. Said the Grand Dragon, incredulously: "She wanted to stay at my house (during rally weekend). She's all confused, man. I don't think she knows she's black. [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, 4-13-97] According to a 1999 Boston Globe story, Mr. Wai Y. Tye, a retired Raytheon Corp. chemist, had lived without complaint in the same 200-square-foot room in the downtown Boston YMCA continuously to that point since 1949. "When you're busy working and playing tennis," he told a reporter, "when you come home, you don't have much time to take care of an apartment." The bathroom is down the hall to the left, and he said he did not mind the exposed pipes or the linoleum floor or having to use a hotplate. [boston Globe, 1-8-99] Surgeon John Ronald Brown, 77, whose medical license was revoked in 1977 but who continued to practice on the dark side, was convicted in San Diego in 1999 of second-degree murder for a botched operation that brought to light the rare malady of apotemnophilia. Those afflicted - - said to be fewer than 200 people worldwide - - get sexual gratification by having an arm or leg removed. The Internet underground had spread word of Brown's willingness to perform the surgery without asking embarrassing questions (such as "why?"). [Columbia (Mo.) Daily Tribune-AP, 5-24-98; Tampa Tribune-AP, 2-1-00] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Unclear on the Concept Within a six-week period in the summer of 1998, these events occurred: A juror in Judge Esmond Faulks' court in Newcastle upon Tyne, England, eagerly asked the judge for the defendant's date of birth so he could draw up an astrology chart to help him decide the case. (He was removed.) Then a 31-year-old woman in Oakley, Calif., felt a mysterious bump as she was pulling out of her driveway, and to help determine what it was, she said, she drove over it again, and then a third time. (It was her 3-year-old son, who suffered a broken leg.) And then, Wall Street Journal reporter James S. Hirsch, writing a story on the Boston Globe's recent troubles with columnists making up things, noted in his story that the Globe's corporate spokespersons had no comment on the matter, a fact which he later admitted he made up. (He was fired.) [The Times (London), 7-9-98] [Contra Costa Times, 7-26-98] [New York Times, 8-20-98] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Oklahoma Justice Through the years, it appears that Oklahoma is certainly one of the least friendly states for criminals. For example, in 1996, convicted rapists Allan Wayne McLaurin and Darron Bennalford Anderson were re-sentenced by a jury in Tulsa, after an appeals court said their original sentences totaling 6,475 years were based on faulty jury instructions. Armed with the proper instructions, the jury then tacked an additional 260 centuries onto the sentences: a total of 21,250 years for McLaurin and 11,250 for Anderson. [Daily Oklahoman-AP, 3-23-96, 4-3-96] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Finer Points of the Law The Iowa Supreme Court in 1996 turned down inmate Kirk Livingood's attempt to sue Philip Negrete based on the state's domestic abuse law. Negrete was Livingood's cellmate, and, according to Livingood, beat and tormented him. [Des Moines Register, 4-18-96] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Smooth Reactions Just outside a Fort Lauderdale, Fla., courtroom in 1997, defendant Mark Gusow, age 36 and 140 pounds, told his court-appointed attorney, Laura Morrison, age 52 and 150 pounds, that he was about to tell the judge he wanted a new lawyer. Morrison tried persuade him to stay outside and talk about it some more, but Gusow broke away and headed through the doors, at which point Morrison allegedly leaped at him, clamped on a headlock, and raked his face with her fingernails. [st. Petersburg Times-AP, 9-5-97] James Conlon, the music director of the Paris Opera, accidentally stabbed himself in the eye with his baton while he was in Ohio rehearsing Stravinsky's "Nightingale" for the Cincinnati May Festival in 1998. He returned to work shortly afterward. [New York Times, 6-4-98] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Least Competent Criminal Michael Guilbault, 19, pleaded guilty in 1997 to robbing a Raleigh, N.C., convenience store. According to the prosecutor, a delayed getaway helped police make the capture. Guilbault and his accomplice were to flee the store and meet their friends Heather Beckwith, 18, and Curtis Johnson, 19, at the nearby getaway car, but when the robbers arrived, they found the doors locked and the couple inside "in the act," as the prosecutor put it. Guilbault and his colleague were forced to wait until the couple had finished before they could get in the car, but by that time witnesses had noticed the two men yelling and making a commotion and had summoned police. [Raleigh News & Observer, 12-20-97] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Undignified Deaths A basketball player for Southeastern Oklahoma State University was killed near Paris, Texas, in 1997 when the driver of the car in which he was riding lost control after it was hit by a flying cow. (The cow had been sent airborne when it was hit by another car.) [Washington Post, 9-20-97] The family of the late Russell U. Shell filed a wrongful-death lawsuit in 1998 against The Other Side nightclub in Fitchburg, Mass., charging that Mr. Shell choked to death on a miniature plastic p**** that allegedly had been placed into his drink glass as a prank by an employee. (The club owner said Mr. Shell merely suffered a seizure and that the charm was found on the floor beside Mr. Shell's body.) [Worcester Telegram & Gazette, 8-12-98] COPYRIGHT 2004 CHUCK SHEPHERD newsofthewerid.com

Around The Weird: Bizarre News Briefs DHAKA, Bangladesh (Wireless Flash) -- An unmarried couple in Bangladesh were forced into a shotgun wedding by police in the Muslim-majority country that doesn't allow unmarried couples to check into hotels together. The "Independent" daily reported that someone at the hotel finked to police on the couple, who arrested and told engineer Mominur Rahman Chouwdury to marry his university student girlfriend Shefali Khatun Shelley, or face rape charges. The two agreed with the consent of their parents and were married at the police station. Athens, Greece -- The Australian womens' Olympic water polo team has put a price of $500 on tennis player Andy Roddick's head. The Aussie gals have made a bet of $500 to the first teammate who can plant a kiss on Roddick's cheek at the Olympics. Roddick claims he's put a man on the case to find out exactly how the kissing is going to go down, but he tells the AP he expects it to be a hit-and-run ambush while he's standing in line for food. None of the Aussie women will speak about the alleged smooching. ROSEBURG, Ore. -- A 69-year-old man has regained his slot as the world champion of phone book ripping after tearing apart 39 phone directories in three minutes at an event in Roseburg, Oregon. Ed Charon chose phone books from Portland to set his new record, telling the local "News-Review" newspaper, "Of all the phone books I've torn, I've found that the Portland ones tear better." LIMBURG, Belgium -- Fans of a Belgian soccer team are being asked to donate their stinky old shoes in order to fight off a bunch of pesky rabbits who've invaded the team's playing field. The "Het Niewsblad" newspaper reports players in the Cercle Oedelem club think the stench from the shoes will act as a repellent to the rabbits. ncbuy.com

Bear Drinks 36 Cans of Favorite Beer By Associated Press August 17, 2004, 11:23 PM EDT BAKER LAKE, Wash. -- Rain-eeeeer .... Bear? When state Fish and Wildlife agents recently found a black bear passed out on the lawn of Baker Lake Resort, there were some clues scattered nearby -- dozens of empty cans of Rainier Beer. The bear apparently got into campers' coolers and used his claws and teeth to puncture the cans. And not just any cans. "He drank the Rainier and wouldn't drink the Busch beer," said Lisa Broxson, bookkeeper at the campground and cabins resort east of Mount Baker. Fish and Wildlife enforcement Sgt. Bill Heinck said the bear did try one can of Busch, but ignored the rest. "He didn't like that (Busch) and consumed, as near as we can tell, about 36 cans of Rainier." A wildlife agent tried to chase the bear from the campground but the animal just climbed a tree to sleep it off for another four hours. Agents finally herded the bear away, but it returned the next morning. Agents then used a large, humane trap to capture it for relocation, baiting the trap with the usual: doughnuts, honey and, in this case, two open cans of Rainier. That did the trick. "This is a new one on me," Heinck said. "I've known them to get into cans, but nothing like this. And it definitely had a preference." Copyright © 2004, The Associated Press newsday.com

That Icon said it all Clubing Computer

Kinda make me think of yesterday

Aging: 1970 vs 2000 1970: Long Hair 2000: Longing for hair 1970: The perfect high. 2000: The perfect high yield mutual fund. 1970: Keg. 2000: EKG. 1970: Acid Rock. 2000: Acid Reflux. 1970: Moving to California because it's cool. 2000: Moving to California because it's warm. 1970: Growing pot. 2000: Growing pot belly. 1970: Douglas Street bridge. 2000: Dental bridge. 1970: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents. 2000: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your children. 1970: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor. 2000: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor. 1970: Seeds and stems. 2000: Roughage. 1970: Popping pills, smoking joints. 2000: Popping joints. 1970: Our president's struggle with Fidel. 2000: Our president's struggle with fidelity. 1970: Paar. 2000: AARP. 1970: Being caught with Hustler magazine. 2000: Being caught by Hustler magazine. 1970: Killer weed. 2000: Weed killer. 1970: Hoping for a BMW. 2000: Hoping for a BM. 1970: The Grateful Dead. 2000: Dr. Kevorkian. 1970: Getting out to a new, hip joint. 2000: Getting a new hip joint. 1970: Rolling Stones. 2000: Kidney stones. 1970: Being called into the principal's office. 2000: Calling the principal's office. 1970: Screw the system! 2000: Upgrade the system. 1970: Peace sign. 2000: Mercedes logo. 1970: Parents begging you to get your hair cut. 2000: Children begging you to get their heads shaved. 1970: Take acid. 2000: Take antacid. 1970: Passing the driver's test. 2000: Passing the vision test.

THE BUZZ There's an old couple, both in their 80's, on a sentimental holiday they went back to the spot where they first met. They're sitting in a pub and he says to her, "Do you recall the first time we had sex together, over fifty years ago? We went behind the barn. You leaned against the fence and I made love to you from behind." "Yes," she says, "I remember it well." "OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll round there again and we can do it for old times sake?" "Ooh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea," she answers. There's a man sitting at the next table listening to all this, having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, 'I've got to see this, two old timers having sex against a fence.' So he follows them. They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the barn and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the old man drops his trousers. She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence, the old man moves in. Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex the watching man has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds. This goes on for about forty minutes. She's yelling "Ohhh God!" He's hanging on to her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground. The guy watching is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know. He starts to think about his own aged parents and wonders whether they still have sex like this. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and put their clothes back on. The guy, still watching thinks, that was truly amazing, he was going like a train. I've got to ask him what his secret is. As the couple pass, the guy says to them, "That was something else, you must have been going at it for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? Is there some sort of secret?" "No, there's no secret," the old man says, "except fifty years ago that frigging fence wasn't electric."

Jake, I'm Dead Sadie wakes up and says to her husband, "Jake, I'm dead". Jake responds. What's the matter with you, Sadie, you aren't dead. You're talking to me." "No, Jake, I'm definitely dead". "Sadie, you are not dead. Why do you think you're dead" Sadie responds, "Because nothing hurts

What's in Your Ear There were two old fellows who were chatting. Suddenly one of them asked, "What in the world is that sticking out of your right ear?" The other, with a puzzled look, said, "I don't know", and reached up pulling out the object, then exclaimed, "My word, a suppository!" Then he slapped his forehead and excitedly declared, "Now I know what I did with my hearing aid."

Nice Lookin Still Rather have the Batmobile from the tv show fauxcul

How many roads must a man walk down Before you call him a man? Yes, 'n' how many seas must a white dove sail Before she sleeps in the sand? Yes, 'n' how many times must the cannon balls fly Before they're forever banned? The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind, The answer is blowin' in the wind. How many times must a man look up Before he can see the sky? Yes, 'n' how many ears must one man have Before he can hear people cry? Yes, 'n' how many deaths will it take till he knows That too many people have died? The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind, The answer is blowin' in the wind. How many years can a mountain exist Before it's washed to the sea? Yes, 'n' how many years can some people exist Before they're allowed to be free? Yes, 'n' how many times can a man turn his head, Pretending he just doesn't see? The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind, The answer is blowin' in the wind. Recorded by Peter Paul & Mary Written by Bob Dylan

Wal-Mart vs. Heaven I consider Wal-Mart to be God's gift to shoppers. Literally, here are the similitudes I have noticed between the kingdom of Heaven and the Kingdom of Everyday Low Prices. Heaven: St. Peter greets you at the gates Wal-Mart: Some old geezer named Peter greets you at the automatic doors Heaven: Eternal Wal-Mart: Open 24 hours Heaven: Where old people go when they expire Wal-Mart: Where old people go when the retire Heaven: Plenty of Room for everyone who loves God Wal-Mart: Plenty of Parking for Everyone Heaven: Golden-haired angels shouting the glory of God Wal Mart: Purple-haired obese women shouting for a price check on diapers Heaven: Salvation and redemption no matter what your sin Wal-Mart: Full money refund on no matter what your complaint Heaven: EDLP = Every Do-gooder lives peacefully Wal-Mart: EDLP = Every day low prices Heaven: Sam Walton -- now a resident! Wal-Mart: Sam's choice cola -- now on sale!

60 Things Not to Say to a Naked Guy 1. I've smoked fatter joints than that. 2. Ahh, it's cute. 3. Who circumcised you? 4. Why don't we just cuddle? 5. You know they have surgery to fix that. 6. It's more fun to look at. 7. Make it dance. 8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that. 9. Can I paint a smiley face on that? 10. It looks like a night crawler. 11. Wow, and your feet are so big. 12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger. 13. It's ok, we'll work around it. 14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim? 15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh. 16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it? 17. Oh no, a flash headache. 18. (giggle and point) 19. Can I be honest with you? 20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that. 21. Let me go get my tweezers. 22. How sweet, you brought incense. 23. This explains your car. 24. You must be a growing boy. 25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow. 26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick. 27. Are you one of those pygmies? 28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow? 29. Every heard of clearasil? 30. All right, a treasure hunt! 31. I didn't know they came that small. 32. Why is God punishing you? 33. At least this won't take long. 34. I never saw one like that before. 35. What do you call this? 36. But it still works, right? 37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting. 38. It looks so unused. 39. Do you take steroids? 40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it. 41. Maybe it looks better in natural light. 42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes? 43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident. 44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt? 45. Aww, it's hiding. 46. Are you cold? 47. If you get me real drunk first. 48. Is that an optical illusion? 49. What is that? 50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry. 51. Were you neutered? 52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents. 53. Does it come with an air pump? 54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality. 55. Where are the puppet strings? 56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun. 57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes. 58. Never mind, why bother. 59. Is that a second belly button? 60. Where's the rest of it?

Three children A couple had three children. Two of them were bright, smart, and handsome but the third child was dull, ugly, and backward. One day the hubby got suspicious and asked, "Tell me the truth, dear. Is this third child really mine?" "Yes, dear," replied the wife, "but the other two are not."

"LOST WIFE" The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I have lost my wife here in this supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why?" the woman asked. "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."

Slipping in Coma A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he finally woke, he motioned for her to come closer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?" "What dear?" She gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. "I think you're bad luck."

Teens Not Looking Forward To Crappy School Bathrooms ROSWELL, Ga. (Wireless Flash) -- High school can be a crappy experience for teens if they try to use the bathrooms. That's the straight poop from a survey by Kimberly-Clark, which reveals 62 percent of teens try to avoid the restrooms because they "stink" and 35 percent of students say the school bathrooms are missing toilet paper and soap. Another 47 percent say the toilet paper just isn't soft enough for comfort. The problem isn't something that can just be flushed away: 42 percent of teens say kids who avoid going to the can get sick from holding it in, and 22 percent have friends who got in trouble for trying to use bathrooms off-campus. Finally, 24 percent of teens say they are willing to go on strike if the bathroom conditions at their school don't improve -- pronto. ncbuy.com

Seattle Couple Weds in NFL Stadium By Associated Press August 17, 2004, 10:33 AM EDT SEATTLE -- Alexis Russo and Chris Lundberg found the perfect place to tie the knot: in a field. A football field. About 260 guests attended the wedding of Russo and Lundberg -- two 21-year-old Seattle Seahawks fans -- on Sunday at Qwest Field, the NFL team's stadium. "We met through the Seahawks and now we're getting married here at the stadium," Lundberg said. "I can't think of a more perfect spot to have it." Each has been attending Seahawks games since childhood. Mutual friends introduced them at a sports bar before a game last year after Russo began studying communications at Arizona State University. Lundberg had recently moved to Phoenix to work as a firefighter. In planning their wedding, they figured the stadium would be the best place for the wedding and got no interference from the Seahawks. The team's helmet car carried the bride and her father from the sidelines to the head of the aisle at the 20-yard line. The couple were married at the 50-yeard line. Lundberg wore blue and green flowers in his lapel. Russo wore white, except for a garter of blue, green and silver. Their dog, Fumbles, ambled down the aisle in a blue No. 37 Seahawks jersey, carrying the wedding rings on a heart-shaped pillow on his back. At the end of the ceremony, the couple walked down the aisle to the strains of the "Monday Night Football" theme song. "Oh, it would have been easier to get married in a church, but this creates a memory unlike no one else's for them," said Diane McHaugh, the groom's aunt. Copyright © 2004, The Associated Press newsday.com

I'm getting there! trying to find all the links to put back on is a pain in the backside i should be more ready tomorrow with stuff to post

Around The Weird: Bizarre News Briefs NEWARK, N.J. (Wireless Flash) -- Ever since New Jersey governor Jim McGreevey announced he was gay, insiders in his state have been snickering over his state tourism slogans: "Straight talk," and "Come out and see New Jersey." LOS ANGELES -- An angry novelty maker is thumbing his nose at Arnold Schwarzenegger after the California governor sued the manufacturer of his bobblehead doll of Ah-nuld in a dark suit holding a gun. John Edgell, who's still fuming over the settlement, now says he plans to make Schwarzenegger urinal cakes and a new "Girlie-Man" bobblehead doll featuring Arnold wearing a pink dress and makeup. NEW YORK -- A wheelchair-bound woman with no arms or legs was hopping mad at Air France when one of its gate agents told her, "a head, one bottom and a torso cannot possibly fly on its own." Now, the 42-year-old British citizen has slapped the airline with a lawsuit and claims she is able to use a wheelchair and has traveled many times by air. LISBON, Portugal -- A donkey-drawn-cart beat a Porsche sports-car in a race to see which mode of transportation would win in the congested streets of Portugal. The race went from the suburb of Areosa to the port city of Viana do Castelo, just over a mile away. One city official claimed the results of the race prove that there needs to be a ring road to alleviate traffic, but other officials have maintained in the past that traffic isn't a problem. ncbuy.com

Well i'm back online everything was a mess this morning could not get online because it said i had no connection but that fix but the stupid pc wasn't finish yet after re-start it would not come back on, so i had to call and get help from a tech so i lost all my files and everything i save so now instead of posting jokes and news, i'm trying to put all that i can back on the pc so excuse me until i get done, i will be back to normal soon i hope

A good friend and writer Scribbler has a new forum and it look good and has a chat room scribblerpadsforum

Burglar An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of religious service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (..turn from your sin...) The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. Then the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar,"Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture at you." "Scripture?" replied the burglar, "She said she had an AXE and two 38s!"